Extremely depressed. Please help me!

I know the feeling. Everyone walking around carefree, and feeling good, and many looking great as well.

But your age is the worst for this kind of thing. It does indeed get better. It gets better in less than two years.

Do you have friends? You need a friend who is also gay. And then more friends who are. Then you won't feel so alone.

You need to try and get into better shape and feel good about your self as well. It is easier than it looks.

 

I'm not sure I like the tone of that... makes it sound like Aptiva can't be happy unless he's in shape and conforms to silly societal norms for "beauty". This is very, very, very far for the truth - you just have to accept yourself for who you are both internally and externally!

I totally agree, it gets way better. You'll learn to be yourself, accept who you are, and understand at beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I guarantee that no matter what, there's always going to be people who like you and would date you . Check out Gr1ndr, it's great for meeting people.

And to address how superficial the gay community can be, that's not always true! I'm testing a guy right now that doesn't care what people look like at all and only cares about personality. Look hard enough and you'll find people who'll love you for you .

We'll always be here to support you too (*hug*).

 

Hey there Aptiva.

I don't have a ton of advice, but here goes. You go to a school with 2000 students. Trust me, there are probably over 100 gay kids there too, if not way more. Statistically at least 200. They're there, they're just in the same position as you are. Afraid to come out, insecure, not wanting to be alone yet unsure of how to make friends. People like you are all around, you just don't see them, and they don't see you.

I was there too. So many people on EC were. The gay community is very deverse. There are chubby chasers, athletes, handicapped people, average looking people...same as straight culture. So don't worry about the superficial aspects of gay culture. If someone is superficial, don't bother with them anyway. If you're really down about the way you look, change it! Start working out or something. If that's not an option diet. Or even new clothes/haircut.

Please see help or tell and adult you are suicidal. I hope you are not serious, but assuming you are let an adult know. A parent, teacher, counselor. Even at a Catholic school I'm sure you can find some help. Maybe someone outside would be better for you. From my understanding (not a cutter), cutting will give you temporary relief, but the guilt/scars/emotional pain following cutting makes it a terrible decision in the long run (plus the risk of cutting to deep). It's simply not worth it.

Keep your chin up. Be courageous and keep doing well in school. It'll all be worth it soon enough, when you can become your own person. In the meantime, hang in there. Stick around EC, we're here for you.

PS. If you're ever down, write on my wall!

 

Yeah, keep your chin up.

The view you have on your own situation, or that is, the situation a lot of people think they are in isn`t realistic. The thought that you`ll not find anyone like you, or who`ll like you is not realistic. If you`d venture into a new area, like a mixed LGBT community, you`ll see fem lesbians with butch lesbians, fem with fem, butch with butch, hot gay men with chubby men, chubby men with chubby men, average guys with average guys, etc. People often have this idea that their lack of a "special" appearance, that matches up with their ideal will somehow stop them from finding someone, but if you place 100 couples next to each other in a line, the diversity would really astonish you. There`s no set rule for who finds a partner or a boyfriend, and who doesn`t. I have seen chubby average guys find love like apples on an apple tree, and hot guys who cannot seem to find anyone who`ll stay with them for more than a night.

Appearances matter, but attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder, and there are more tastes and differences of opinion out there than people really see. What you lack of appearance (which is subjective!) you can make up for by being a positive, interesting and generally charming person. Humor is really attractive! Besides, as superficial as the gay community is claimed to be, I read 100 posts and shouts from people just like you all the time, who claim to be average Joe`s who`ll never get a boyfriend because they don`t look like "all the other gay guys". See? Maybe the super visible gay guys are all hot, because they show off a bit more than the guy with less confidence, but when it comes down to it, 99% of any community is not all beauty. People range all across the scale, and often the people who get the most love are the ones who care less about looks, who wants an interesting and warm person before all else.

So, keep that chin up and stop being so harsh against yourself. It may look gloom to you right now, because honestly, a catholic school is (unless you`ve got a great confidence and likes risk) terrible "hunting ground" for love.

And believe it or not, even hot people have "dry season", where they lament over the lack of a sex life. You see it all the time! Right now you are in a dry season due to being in surroundings that are very much less than optimal. Plus, you are still really young! I mean, 16 I had barely gotten my first kiss. I didn`t get laid until 18, and it wasn`t a great experience. I hadn`t had a long term lesbian relationship until I had turned 25! And I might not be a major looker, but I had no problem with dating, so something about me have to be right.

So please, don`t hurt yourself for being completely normal! Most 16 year old`s haven`t been in a relationship, or experienced sex (good sex at least). Give yourself time to grow physically and emotionally, gain some confidence and don`t hold yourself back thinking you being average somehow is a curse. Because most of us would rather have average looks with great personality, than great looks but lousy personality. Unless you count in those only looking for a one night stand, but if that`s the extent of your dreams, then you need to work on aiming higher, because you deserve that.

Be a friend to yourself, not an enemy. Trust me, it will get you a lot further in life!

*Big hug!*

 

Hormones, they`ll do that to you. Certain times of the month I hate everyone, but at least I know in those periods that I am being irrational and emotional. Awareness helps, whether it`s hormones or depression. We can`t always change how we feel, but we can be aware of why we feel the way we feel, and we can counter the negative effects with rational thinking. I liked to call it the depression monster on my right shoulder. It took some time building up an angel of rationality to counter it out

But I am glad it helped!

 

Just to echo the "it gets better" sentiment - it's a world of difference, moving from high school to college or university. Don't give up. There will almost certainly be gay clubs to join, and people are so much more open to their own sexuality, and others'.

 

Getting in shape and feeling good about yourself are two different things, yet they can be related. And when you are not fat, as OP states he is not, it is even more easy to get noticable results.

Yes, the tone of the comment seems a bit like conforming to others' expectations, those guys he is so envious of have done a bit of that themselves. They have conformed a bit, and tried to get to a certain level physically. Since it is so healthy to work out and get a bit lean and mean looking, plus it attracts others sexually, I see nothing wrong with it. The hot guys make it seem very difficult and elusive to be in shape, and when they get there they love to go shirtless and show off.

Gay men in recent years (last 10 to 15) have flocked to gyms and gotten the same results more often, and sometimes being the envy of the straight guys who pass 30 looking plump - having lost all that while the gay men now have.

It may seem shallow and unimportant, all this talk about working out, but it is the way the world turns, sex and image will always be important. I don't like the tone of the way it sounds either, but I like toned guys!!!

 

How can you be so sure they are all straight? There might be some closet gays between them that act straight.
I know I was one at school...

And you can´t have everybody, but that´s the same for straight people. They can´t get the nice cute gay guys and girls, right? :icon_wink
You only need one special one. And you will meet that person.
Other than that I don´t have much to add to what has been said already.

(*hug*)