My classmates claim that know a large amount of people across different grades (high school only). I'm being called popular and I've never been considered that way. All the people I know are girls. I have hardly any guy friends because I can't ever get close to them. The closest guy friends come from the same place as I do with the girls. It's an organization at school where we volunteer and do community service. I am very close with everyone there but it's because I have to. They are really nice people and I respect them. But, I still feel lonely. And, it started happening in my classes and the people in my grade make me feel that way. I walked into the lunch room one day and I heard a bunch of my crush's friends calling me, repeating my name over and over. The reason why i felt lonely that day was because I felt like they were teasing me. I felt that they didn't respect my presence. And, to my surprise, they all started staring at me as soon as I sat down 3 tables in front of them. To be honest, my organization/club doesn't even know my true color yet. True color meaning my preferences. I feel like I'd lose all of them if they found out. I'm just afraid. What if they end up disliking me like 'his' friends? I can't even tell if they're teasing or just being plain mean or WHAT! So lost. So confused. I'm in a pit of desperation right now.
Hello there. Well, even though I'm a girl and I'm at university, I think I can relate to your story. My classmates always say the same, that I'm so popular, and that everyone loves me and I know a lot of people. And well, that's right, I like meeting new people, but even if I get along well with everyone, I still feel so lonely. It's like I have a lot of people by my side, but any of them consider me as a friend... And well, I know I'm a girl, but I kind of find difficult to approach boys and have friendships with them. All my life, I went to an only-girl school, so my social skills with men are pathetic, specially when I feel attracted to them. And then there's also the fact that I'm confused with my sexual identity, and I'm afraid that if people find out that I might be bisexual, they would hate me and then I would really be totally alone. I know my post probably won't be of any help for you, but I wrote it because I think it's good when you know you're no the only one feeling like that. On the other hand, when I was in high school, my "friends" also teased me a lot, and me, being the sensitive and emotional girl I am, could only cry and hide my pain from them, until this year, when I finally told one of them about how terrible it was for me the way they treated me. I almost lost those people forever when I told them how much they had hurt me, but now things are getting better. No one has the right to be mean to you, I know that sometimes people is just "teasing" as you said it, but maybe they can't see how much they hurt your feelings when doing so, and it's not your fault, you're human and therefore you can feel, and you deserve respect.
I was exactly in the same shoes throughout my teenage years! As a closeted and not-self-accepting gay guy, in high school, I had a few close friends, of course girls. I did not really have guy friends at all. I played football, I was talking about girls, and I did hang out with guys. But I had no guy friends. Just like you, I could never get close to them. Nothing to talk about. (I was never ever bullied though.) Then, I went to college. I spent a year at an amazing college, amazing environment, amazing everything. I knew everyone, and everyone knew me. People liked me and I liked people. BUT I was unable to make a single real friend. Friday nights I was fighting back my tears in my room since no one invited me to go out. I really did know everyone, said hi to everyone, and people kept telling me how awesome I was and how awesome it is that everyone knows me. But I had no one close to me. I felt lonely as hell! But the scary thing is, I even told myself I had the happiest time of my life, but when I think back, it was pretty bad. Since then, I changed. I realised I learned a lesson. I stopped giving a shit about satisfying everyone and started focusing on some people who were closer to me. This way, I got very close to them. Today, I have about 5 friends who are closer to me than anyone ever before. And, they are all guys. How did this happen? I wish I could tell you, but I'm not sure. For one thing, I really tried to accept that I'm gay, and be myself. I don't play football anymore. They play together every week, and they are completely fine with me not playing with them. They are fine with me shouting if I see a bug. They are fine with me because I am being me. Although out of these guys I only told a couple that I am gay, I do not fake anything or lie to them. If they asked me, I'd tell them I was gay. What's the conclusion? The more I am being myself, the more honest I am with myself and thus with others, the closer friends I make. Not more friends, but closer ones. I never had so "few" friends as this year - but I never enjoyed my life before as much as now. Having one, two, or five very close friends will always be worth more than a whole campus as just your "friend". Don't worry about losing 'friends". It's fine. You do not need a 100 friends. I know, I know it feels great when you walk down the hallway and you can say hi to everyone. But these guys are not really friends and in order to make close friends, you must show some people that they are not just like all the other 100. Sorry for such a disorganised post but I really did feel the same way you describe and it took me ages to get to where I am now, having amazing amazing close friends. I never thought it would happen, that one day I could stop being the ohh-soo-popular guy and have real close friends but it happened. And even today, people I meet will stay say I seem to be very popular or outgoing - so it's not like I turned into a lonely jerk! ---again, sorry, all this info about me is here to maybe try to guide you. I am hoping that you can identify with some of the things I described. Let me know! Good luck
