So I have a straight friend that I've been. Crushing pretty hard. He lets me give him body massages all the time sometimes asking for them. I want advice go for it or no. He doesn't know about me being gay
Go for what? Outting yourself to him? Verbally expressing your feelings? Enjoying massages doesn't mean he's gay but if you feel he'd be comfortable knowing you are okay. Things you shouldn't go for: His dick while you're massaging him. Seriously ask first.
I highly, highly, highly doubt he's straight. But that doesn't matter. I'd wait and let things happen. If you say "I'm gay" then he could either.....be ok with it, say "what? EWWW!" Or he could get mad because he's actually gay or something. I'd just let everything happen!
You should definitely talk to him about you being gay BEFORE you continue massaging him Otherwise, he might get angry at you later because you didn't tell him; knowing that a gay person gave him massages might make him feel uncomfortable - that's how most straight guys are, even if they're not homophobic. Anyway, tell him first before he finds out later and gets mad at you. If he still asks you to massage him...
There's a lot we don't know. Some people have grown up getting massage and are comfortable with it as a non-sexual thing. So you don't just want to make assumptions or you could end up really screwing up your friendship. I'll differ with the others who say he's definitely not straight. I've met a lot of very laid back straight guys who are simply totally comfortable with massage, nudity, and being touched. So you can't make any assumptions. If you decide to come out to him, under no circumstances should you do so while you're giving him a massage. It should be done in a safe environment where you are both clothed and the balance of power is equal (it isn't if he's naked or half-naked on a table.) Maybe you'll luck out and he is gay or bi, or willing to be open to that possibility. Maybe not. But in any case, please respect his boundaries and approach this thoughtfully and carefully.
There definitely is a lot we don't know; for example, what is the context and impetus behind him asking for a massage? Are you a massage therapist? Did you tell him you like to give massages? I'll agree with Chip. There are a lot of people who are comfortable with a professional or non-sexual massage. For example, I grew up in a family where my aunt is a certified massage therapist and she would practice on all of us. Also, my mother believes in massage and would ask my sister and I to massage her shoulder or her feet (didn't like the feet lol) after work. So basically, it's all going to come down to context. And like others said, if you tell him you're gay, don't let it be in the middle of a massage.
Isn't there a difference between friends, though? I love massages. I think they are fabulous. In not saying guys can't get them. But when it's between friends.... I will add, though, that we do need some more context here. If you're some trained massage therapist then that would really make sense. Haha.
I'm confused, is massage between friends generally unacceptable for the heteros? I've massaged my straight friends before, me and my roommate work knots out of eachother's backs all the time and it's never been a prelude to a sexuality crisis. I guess if the guy was asking you to massage his butt while you're both oiled up in jock straps like some bad porn that'd be suspicious, but otherwise is this some queer thing I don't understand?
Nothing is "unacceptable" in terms of the whole group. I just don't think it's normal, but that's relative. I think there's a lot of different factors, so....yeah. You'll definitely get a lot of different opinions here........
I went to massage school for a while (dropped out) and I've given my friends massages before without it being weird. Don't tell him you're gay while your giving him a massage, and also don't try anything sexual because just because he likes massages doesn't make him gay. If he's doing things or putting you in positions that are overtly sexual, then he might be gay. He could just be comfortable with massages, that's normal. Don't risk destroying your friendship, wait until more facts are on the table, if you want to make a move.
I think it depends. In some circles of friends, giving a massage can be a come-on for sex. In others, it's just giving a massage and nothing more. My group of friends (and that has a huge age variance), it's the latter.
It's just so fascinating that some people have that kind of group of friends. Maybe it depends on your area? Ms Piggy would be massaging guys, after she flew in, before that would happen around here. Anyways...
Some heterosexual men can feel very uncomfortable in some situations involving close physical contact with a gay or bisexual man, such as a massage. I think if you two are good friends and have really developed a good trust of each other, you should consider coming out to him - but not during or after a massage, as he'll interpret it as a come-on. I would try to subtly get his opinion on LGBTs, if you don't already have one. If he's not negative about it, then coming out to him would gain you at the very least a closer friend. I think if he were straight and supportive he would appreciate your honesty with him, and appreciate that you understand he may have personal boundary issues with a massage given the context.
