Does he love me more then a friend or am I just a fool?

The bottom line is that if he says he's straight, he's straight, and that means hands-off. Yeah, there are a whole bunch of "theoretically, if he happens to be into guys but is in denial, I could make a move on him and he might respond..." scenarios, but more often than not they're wishful thinking and won't end up well. Even if he is into guys, he's clearly not ready to deal with it if he doesn't want to talk to his best, trusted friend who is ALSO gay. No amount of pushing will change that.

You're at a crossroads. You can either try and pursue something under the impression that he's straight (probably not wise) or try to get over him (probably for the best). Or of course, you can stay at the crossroads and live in confusion, but I'm not a fan of that choice.

 

That last part: Did he really say what sounded very similar to the letter he gave you mentioning about feeling like "doing anything in the world"?

As valuable as friendship can be getting over him without letting him know how you feel seems impossible. You need to somehow let him know that you're in love with him but know fully well that you acknowledge his heterosexuality and will never feel the same way. Let him know that even though you have feelings for him you value your friendship with him more than anything.

If he's truly your friend then he will understand. You're only human, and love is a feeling we can't just ignore or get over unless there's no chance of it happening, and the only way to know for sure is if he knows about your feelings for him. He should have at least expected it if he knows you're gay.

You're not a fool. You're a human being capable of feelings and emotions.

 

Have you ever asked him if he thinks he might be gay? It seems like you two are close enough that it wouldn't be a taboo conversation. Especially if it came up casually, say when he (again) goes on a date with a girl and doesn't follow up or whatever. I know when I was first questioning, I would have *never* brought up sexuality on my own. No matter how safe the environment seemed. But if someone else had started the discussion, asking me directly, I would have answered honestly. (I think.)

 

Seems impossible, but is not impossible. It's an issue of motivation and willpower. If you internalize the idea that a relationship will not happen and the only place to go is forward, then you can certainly make the choice to move on.

 

I believe you should tell him your feelings, at least.

 

I've had close relationships similar to that with straight guys (that i've known for 5+ years), but he does seem a little different. You should tell him how you feel about him. Theres nothing to lose really.

 

I think your best bet is to move on. Unless he makes a definitive action to indicate his interest in you, everything is pure speculation on your part.

He said he was straight, so take it at face-value. Unless he tells you upfront that he is gay and is into you, don't assume his actions are romantic. See his intentions as that of a really close friend and leave it at that.

I suppose if you are super curious, you can ask him. Just joke that he's really sweet and that you could see yourself falling for him if he's not careful. Gauge his response afterwards.

 

i agree with most of the posters to me it just sounds like two males who are best friends...
my best mate and i have a similar relationship. when im at his, he and i completely ignore his girl friend and do our own thing. there's been many a time where he and i will ditch our mates and hang just us. we even had our own place back in college but i never looked at him like that. to me he's just my best mate. now that im in australia and he's in the US he goes over to my mom's frequently. He even takes my kids away for the weekend. i couldnt ask for a better mate.

so i reckon dont do any thing to jepardize to your relationship

(sorry i cant spell even after getting my degree lol)

 

As it happens my boyfriends has a friend that is in a similar situation. But they are both gay even.
One guy (A) totally crushes over the other (B), but B would never ever, under any circumstance have sex with him. And A knows.
Now. This is the thing why I am telling you:
B gets jealous if a gets any attention of another guy and being younger and handsome and kind of slutty, even steals them away from him for one night stands and ruining the chance for A to start a meaningful thing. (A is not into one night stands).
I don´t know why he does that and I think it´s bad. A gets upset about it, but gets over it. They´ve know eachother for years and have meals together at least twice a week.

As an outsider its seems to me that B (who is actually longing for a relationship, but is sleeping around in the mean time) just wants to keep a to himself, despite the fact he won´t ever have sex with him.
A is okay with the situation, he just wants him close.
But it stands totally in the way of A getting a meaningful realtionship with a person that IS into him.
When B is in a relationship (which has happend), A gets less attention and b is less jealous.
He is just there to kill the lonelyness, I suppose.

That looks an awful lot like what you describe.

Anyway, don´t let him rule your dating. That´s my advice.
You can live together and all, but don´t let him stand in the way of having a meaningful relationship with someone (gay or bi).

 

I totally think he is into you. The words he used with you in person and the words in his letter match. That seems like a way of letting you know what he is thinking. His saying that he wishes he did not care what other people thought explains why he is holding back. There are other threads here where two best friends fall in love and end up in relationships, even if they cannot admit that they are gay and date women at the same.

If he is sending you mixed signals, I would send mixed signals back to him. I've done this before and had guys do it to me too. Essentially, if you send the exact type of mixed signal back, the other guy will know that you picked up on his mixed signal and so that you are both thinking the same thing / way.

I would find a way to let him know that if things don't work out b/w you two, that you could still be his friend. This way he loses the fear of losing the friendship. Maybe you could start a conversation about best friends getting over major issues -- like falling for the same girl. Then you could say, I suppose in a mixed friendship, it could even be the case that best friends could survive one guy falling for the other.

I would take it very slow. Because you already know each other and like each other, there's no risk in losing "momentum." Especially since you live together. If he sees that you are patient, he will feel safer to take small steps.

I take this position because finding someone you really like is kind of rare. If you take it slow, each of you can feel out the next step.