(Transgender) How do I know if I'm passing?

My rule of thumb for passing is that, if you can go out in public and not be glared at or notice people gawking or whispering among each other, I would say you're doing a fair job at passing. Generally if you don't, it will bring attention to some pricks who will stare and probably get a kick out of harassing someone who doesn't "pass."

Another thing I've noticed too, is that if you're around males (generally cis males in mind), and they don't seem to be acting odd such as staring at you or anything that seems out of the ordinary, I'd be sure to say that you're doing a fair job at passing.

 

Usually you know by how people treat you or refer to you. If they are using male pronouns most of the time, you're passing. Personally, I had the idea of passing. It's just a source of frustration for transgender people.

 

I would like to know as well. I suppose it's when people don't refer to you as the wrong pronoun and you can use the right bathroom without glares of death.

 

Can you do that in Dutch without it sounding awkward? Because in English, avoiding gendered pronouns is really awkward, and if people are doing that, you can probably assume they're uncertain about your gender. But I don't know if it would be the same in Dutch.

 

Do you care?
My boyfriend is very feminine (not transgender) but he doesn't really care if they think he's a guy or a girl and if situations rise like that time when he was in the mens room and someone made a remark he just says:"Is this a way to make me show my dick or something?"
Humor is a great way to deal with awkward situations.

But nothing wrong with looking a bit feminine I should say. No need to look like a stereotype guy.
As long as you don't wear a handbag and high heels I'd say you easily pass no matter what you look like? Cause they don't KNOW you are trans so they don't expect you are anything else but what you dress like. (I think).

 

I find people tend not to use pronouns with me sometimes because their unsure what pronouns to use and don't want to say the wrong one.
So yeah i guess that means your passing okay to not be getting females but people still don't want to use male ones in case they insult you

But yeah like others said, if you can go the guys toilet without being questioned and you look comfortable/ fit in with the guys then your probably passing pretty well

 

I've noticed that if you buy boxers or men's underwear and the cashier doesn't act funny about it, you pass pretty well. Or maybe they just don't really care about your purchases and let you go on your day lol. I've never been questioned or looked at strangely, even when I decided to take a venture over to a local department store and splurge on clothing for myself one night and bought all men's clothing. So, no troubles there...

I'd say that the bathroom is your best bet... you have some balls, man, to be venturing into there. I'm scared as hell to even go into the male restrooms because I'm not confident in passing enough to do so. I'd say that doing that would be a pretty good judge as to seeing if you pass or not. I wouldn't know how to deal with the awkwardness that would entail with not passing, though.

 

Ofcourse it's not only the clothes. I've seen guys in high heels that are clearly guys too, but I mean as long as you don't make it too confusing by adding ladystuff, you should be allright.


By the way, my boyfriend has a girly voice too....:icon_wink
On the phone he is almost always mistaken for a woman :roflmao:

 

Does anybody really use gendered pronouns when speaking directly to somebody? Even in English, there really isn't cause for you to refer to somebody you're talking to in the third person. Gendered pronouns don't come up unless you're talking about a person to somebody else. xD

Because of that, there have been times where I've had no clue that people read me as male for weeks. It wasn't until they said "young man" or referred to me as "he" to somebody else in my presence that I realized. Or, of course, when they suddenly exclaim, "Wait, you're a GIRL!?"

So if people aren't asking questions or looking at you funny, it's either because you're passing as a male or they wouldn't imagine that you're not female. Not very comforting. xD

You could try going to a place of business where they're likely to say sir or ma'am and seeing what they say.

 

Well, I don't know if you know a place where the mens room and ladies room are wide apart? You could ask where the rest room is and see where they point to....

Or similar, ask were you can buy a shirt and see to which department they send you...
If they actually ask "mens or ladies?" You say: "for me".

 

I actually dealt with a situation exactly like this but the person was genderqueer and constantly corrected everyone, all i can say is dont do that because people get agitated and do what they want and that person was called she because she only dressed and looked like a girl , if they do not refer to you in a way oh well not everyone conforms right away atleast.

 

Man, well good luck with passing. Definitely got more balls than me.

Random question- do I have to shave off the peach fuzz? I'm hoping to try and pass in public at some point but I'm still closested, shaving it off's just going to raise questions should it grow back. And what do you do if you've got a high voice? Going lower and I sound like...some twelve year old girl imitating a guy. :|

 

Keep in mind that there are plenty of men with hight voices too...
Just like there are women with low voices.
So I wouldn't worry about that too much, especially if you are young looking anyway. As a thirty years old it might be a bit odd to have a girls voice, but even that happens.

By the way, when my boyfriends talks softly (like when he doesn't want others to hear, or when he is "in the mood") his voice drops automatically.
So you could experiment a bit with volume....