Ok I know that this a seriously shit of me and I know what I 'should' do but.. I'm gay, I've known for a while but I always had the idea in the back of my head that I was more like a kinsey 5 and so as a result I would be able to live my life as a straight girl. A month ago I started dating my boyfriend- tbh I was sure I was genuinely interested because I was really enjoying his company. Now I've realised though that I am not at all capable of being attracted to him, kissing I can do but the thought of any sexual interaction honestly makes me so uncomfortable to the point I almost feel sick.. So I should explain to him and let us both move on with our lives.. but I can't for so many reasons. 1) I am 1000000% definately not ready to come out, 2) I am a mess, emotionally I am everywhere, I don't have it together at all. I am in the middle of a relapse fot depression and am working my ass off not to relapse with my bulimia as well. I CANT do heart to heart chats- it is far from any skill of mine. 3) I don't actually want to leave him.. I don't know if its because I feel aweful for the situation Ive got into or if its the fact that a genuinely enjoy him, watching movies and just having someone to make me feel secure. That safe feeling when he has his arms around me.. maybe its both of those.. I don't know and its driving me nuts and its really not helping at all with this snowball effect thats starting to really push me under again.
Well it sounds as if you DO actually enjoy being with him...rather in a friendly manner I know this is cliche but consider the idea of leaving him now rather than later when it becomes more and more deep for him. I understand not being ready to come out, and while I typically support the truth, have you considered telling him you are just in a bad place and need to be separate from romance for a while? You wouldn't be lying then but you also wouldn't be coming out. Foxface
I know this is not what you want to hear, but you need to let him go. I know it's not going to be easy because I've been in your shoes before. I didn't want to accept being gay, so I jumped into a relationship with a guy, who's now the father of my kids. I pretended and played house for years until I couldn't take it anymore. I feel like I robbed him of his dreams, which is not fair. However, I will admit that he knew what I was going through. He tried to be supportive, but it was more hurtful to know that my future with him was not going to happen. I still love him, but my enduring desire to be with a woman is beyond my control. So, he told me to go find a woman and be happy, and trying even though it has been difficult. I know you're still young, but I was 19, when I knew for sure that I was gay. So, not much older than you are now. And I'm telling you now, pretending to be someone you're not is a vicious cycle. If anything, perhaps you should tell him how you feel that way he can decide what's best for him. Think about it this way, what if he felt the way you're feeling. If he was gay, would you not want him to be happy? You're driving yourself nuts because you're going against your natural attraction.
I was with my bf for 8 years with the same feelings as you. We were actually going to get married and it was only then I realised I had to end it. But by this time I was completely in love with him but without the sexual attraction. It's the weirdest situation and now I still miss him terribly. Please don't go down the same road. You haven't been together long - you may well still be friends with him after.
It sounds like if he knew you were gay, and you could still be friends, your relationship would be just right. He might be the perfect person to come out to. You need support, and if he cares about you, he will support you. My best friend in high school came out to her boyfriend and they stayed great friends. I know if my boyfriend came out to me, I would just want to help him in any way I can. I wouldn't resent it. I think he'll want to help. Alternately, just keep pretending to be straight. Though that is gonna suck for you isn't it? You will definitely be most happy if you can come out to someone. And then you are going to be the real you finally. Awesome. And eventually you just get to do what you want because everyone will have accepted that you are gay. Just because everyone thinks you are straight now doesn't mean you are! I really hope for the best for you. Stress and depression and overexertion are about all that occupy my life right now. But I'm a hundred percent positive there is a light at the end of the tunnel for both of us. Look at how many people are on this website! This is the age of acceptance!!
