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Gaydar thing??

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Theagonist, May 5, 2013.

  1. Theagonist

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    You know, how they say you can tell that if someone is gay or not by just looking at them? And there are real scientific results agreeing that is a real thing... not just by the stereotypical idea of a gay man. Anyways, I apparently have never ever been picked up by anyone's. And of the gay guys I've spoken to, they all say they thought I was straight, even the person whom talking to says that, but for some reason I can easily tell.. and I'm right most of the time. I just hate it, I don't know why, but I do. Probably because I do often sometimes question myself and my sexuality, for really no reason I suppose, and it's just really not reassuring... it's just not fair...

    and this makes me really, really, really, very, sa.. DEPRESSED
     
    #1 Theagonist, May 5, 2013
    Last edited: May 5, 2013
  2. ForgottenRose

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    I wish I had a gaydar.. <\3..
    but yeah a few people were surprised when I came out. Guess I slipped pass the radar too.
     
  3. Theagonist

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  4. AKTodd

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    Hey, it could be worse...

    Some years back I had guys come up to me in Barnes and Noble and just start talking to me on two different occasions. One said, he'd seen me at a club the night before dancing with friends and wanted to know if I'd be interested in joining a (straight) singles club he belonged to.

    The other wanted to sell me (shudder) AMWAY!

    I'll occasionally get a 'ping' on my gaydar from some guy or more often two guys who I get a sense are a couple or something. But for the most part I don't pay much attention to that kind of stuff and don't worry whether what I'm picking up is accurate or not.

    Todd
     
  5. Theagonist

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    Wait.. what? What is your advice here... I'm making not connections... but I'm pretty much a complete idiot.. so, that could be why for my settling confusion... with your diction..
     
  6. photoguy93

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    I think it's just something you know. It does run off of stereotypes, but that doesn't mean it isn't false.

    I've caught myself thinking things about certain guys, like...when I was younger, I was attracted to a few guys that, to my knowledge, turned out to be bi/gay. I'm not saying it's some crazy thing, but just that we sometimes need to trust our intuition.
     
  7. Theagonist

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    Is no-one understanding my question, or did I just phrase it wrong?
     
  8. photoguy93

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    Maybe? What is your question, then? Is it that you think gay dar is an actual scientific thing? It isn't.

    Is it that you think no one will ever date you because they don't think you are gay? I hate to be forward, here, but going by your profile picture.... I highly doubt people need to wonder. (Don't take that as a bad thing. I used to tell my friends that I worried people wouldn't know with me. They just looked at me, smiled, and laughed.)
     
  9. Chip

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    For what it's worth, one of my friends, who is quite gay, *never* trips anyone's gaydar, even slightly. He's in his late 20s, and he doesn't have any of the stereotypically gay attributes, except a slight interest in musicals. He dresses like a typical gamer nerd type (which he is), and isn't into many typically "gay" things. But he's been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for 3+ years and has a pretty big circle of gay friends.

    You might have to try a little harder or be a little more forward to introduce yourself to people or show interest, but just because you aren't as obvious as maybe the next guy is... doesn't mean you won't find Mr. Right. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Theagonist

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    Yes... that's exactly what I meant
     
  11. Boyfriend

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    Ever thought of the fact that people don't want to call anyone gay, just in case they aren't and feel offended or something?
    So even when they think you are they might say that they think you are not or act surprised when you say you are.

    Also, just because there is such a thing as gaydar doesn't mean that everybody has it and that one never fails.

    I agree that by looking at your pic it is pretty obvious. I wouldn't worry. It's their way to trying to be polite, that's all!
     
  12. Lewnatic

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    The more people I meet, the more I've come to think that no one has a true gaydar, because some gay people are so not gay that no one could possibly tell unless they told you. I think some gay people are obvious to identify - like the extremely thin guy with bleach blonde dyed hair strutting down the street like a unicorn, but then there's that one playing football with his many guy mates who has no femininity what-so-ever. I don't mean to stereotype here, so please save that lecture, but it's true. The only gaydar that exists is the one also called common sense.
     
  13. Ettina

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    It's not 100%, but yes, I have seen some studies into it, such as this one.

    It seems to mostly depend on the imperfect correlation between gender-atypical behavior and being gay/lesbian.
     
  14. Britishskittles

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    Its partly sterotyping yes but I think part of its to do with how that person looks at you , straight girls don't glance at women for as long when smiling and sometimes seem more interested in what your wearing or just completly ignore me. Its also how they communicate a remember the 1st time a lesbian worked out i was gay i was very happy but then again i tend to get all nervous around a girl when i like them. Things like the way the walk and sit can sometimes give girls away and of course if they check out girls in front of you always a good symbol
     
  15. photoguy93

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    I totally agree. I could see the gayest looking person ever, but I won't approach them and say"are you a friend of Dorothy?" It's rude, I think.

    Also, it has to do with being out or not. I know that it's stereotyping, but there's always something. There's a look or a walk; like today. I was in the computer lab and saw a questionable looking guy. He was cute, but I couldn't really tell. The minute he got up and walked away I said "gay!" Because he totally had a swish.

    You can say all you want about how bad it is to stereotype, but there usually is a connection. So, people who aren't out might try everything to hide it!
     
  16. manoverboard09

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    I think I have a pretty good sense of gaydar.. like people I went to high school with, I definitely knew they were gay before they came out after graduation, and they all weren't even the stereotypical "gay". I think it's just a vibe you can get off of people, even if they don't act a certain way.

    People tend to know I'm gay as well, and I'm not flamboyant or anything.
     
  17. Bobbybobby99

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    I appear to have a gaydar for people that seem to have crushes on me. Certain people just 'ping' as bisexual or gay.
     
  18. lazyfire

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    The thing with gaydar is that:

    A. Even if your gaydar is extremely powerful and the world quivers when you find someone who you think is gay, it's really rude to 'assume' based on first impressions/or assume at all.

    B. It varies with different people so gaydars aren't guaranteed to work 100% of the time.

    C. They might just slip past it (as mentioned above).

    Truth is for me, gaydar has been working efficiently. I can relate with what topics they like especially if it's about LGBT (they get really excited about it). As a gay person, I tend to notice a lot of closets too because I was once like that; however, closets change their personalities a lot so it'll be hard to pinpoint what they actually prefer.

    It may exist for some people. I just find it easier to search gaydar for signs of flirt or attraction. Hope that helped!
     
  19. PaigeyLeigh

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    My gaydar is horrible, I can only pick up on very steriotypical gays, and even then I cant pick up on it, I think its because I dont like to assume someones sexuality based upon their looks, because at the end of the day you really cant know for sure unless they tell you o.o
     
  20. The username

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    Eye contact and mannerisms. I have never tested my gaydar and probably never will, but I have my suspicions when I walk past people. So I don't know if my gaydar is accurate or not.

    Then again, I did not believe one of the more obvious gay people that I am friends with was gay until my roommate asked him. Though, I think I was in denial of that, lol.