How do you deal with the deaths of loved ones?

Just accept death as inevitable.
Everybody and everything will die at some point; there's no avoiding it, so why worry about it?
If you can't do anything about it, don't worry about it.

When any loved one of mine has died, it's just a matter of accepting that they're gone, when you're so used to them being there.
Time heals.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure if there is any universal method to dealing with love, and time is going to be a component of any method. Even with the best methods, there will be periods of intense grief.

But what works for me is, essentially, not allowing someone to really die. for example: my dad died 9 years ago, when I was 20. Quite unexpectedly, too, as he went from being healthy to passing away in the span of less than half a year.

And... at first it was tough not having him around. But over time, I did notice that all of us coped by not really letting him leave either. When there's a decision to be made, when I need an opinion, when I feel like I could do with some other perspective, I wonder: "what would dad do?" And usually I can imagine just what he would say, even if it's something I wouldn't agree with.

I did the same to some of his projects. He was very particular about things like recycling, or about how he wanted the garden to be, or about using sunny afternoons to go out ad have a bike trip as a family. And whenever possible, I'll do something about that too. I'll be more particular in my recycling than I would normally be. I help my mom in the garden. I go out on an afternoon cycling by the riverside.

Now, it's not as if my family pretends he never died or anything. But thinking about what he would have thought keeps him alive, in some way. Taking care of a few things he set in motion has the same effect.


So, for example: with that cook book, if your mom isn't around anymore, it could be yours. If she cared about it, you could keep it as a memento (I have tons of my dad's stuff that I still find useful, for example). And every so often, you could use it to cook something up and think of how she still influences your life, even after she stopped being around.

Yes, it's not the same, but I find solace in at least keeping those who passed away as a part of my life.

 

I loss someone close to me last year, and it was by far the worst feeling ever. I truly did not think I'd make it through, but I magically found the strength to do so. I allowed myself to grieve in front of everyone (his family) who loved the person as much as I did. It was pretty intense, but we all held each other together. We all shared stories and reminiscenced about the good times. We talked about him as if he were still alive, which helped because he is still alive in our hearts. I think about him everyday, and while it still hurts, I know that I'll be okay.

Death is a part of life. I think it's the manner of death that makes it more difficult to cope with. The person I loss was murdered and unfortunately the person responsible has not been brought to justice yet. I mean, I just wanted to know why; I just don't understand how heartless some people are. Anyway, time is probably the only thing that makes it easier to cope. I have this lighter that he gave me, which I've kept in my purse, and I don't even smoke. It's a very girly lighter with a mirror on one side, and it means so much to me.

So, make sure you allow yourself to be sad, cry, and scream. But make sure you live as if they were never gone and be sure to live your life to the fullest until then. I actually have this tattooed on my arm that says, "Love Each Day" and that's exactly what I've been doing.