Tomorrow is the day that my college holds their LBGT-Straight Alliance club meetings... I am terrified to go. I don't even know why! I know I need the help, and the guidance of others that have been in my position, but I just am so terrified. See, this is a small community... If the entire county combined high schools and made one high school, that'd be the college... Everyone I went to high school with, at each of the three high schools... Or any and all of my bullies- are there. I am scared that someone will see me there, and know that I am wondering. It's horrible. Because I've tried so hard to keep people from knowing that I have a deep attraction to girls... for so long... It's hard to start accepting that publicly, and trying to actually figure it out.. Can someone help me? I don't know why I'm stressing... I know I need this.
Two thoughts: First, if anyone you know sees you there, chances are they are attending. That likely means they are in the same position you are, or else they are a supporter. Secondly, since it's a Gay Straight Alliance, there is no way to know if you are gay, bi, or a straight supporter unless you tell them. I've attended a couple of PFLAG meetings now. Yes, it's a little scary going the first time. But it was also a good experience. It was so liberating being able to be honest in the real world that I'm almost certainly gay. I love EC, but that experience was special.
Thank you for sharing. It may really help me, I know that... And I see what you mean. That is entirely possible... If I do see someone... However, I think the thing that scares me most is that it is upstairs in the student center... Just out in the open... Anyone could walk up there at any time. This lady that was my mentor for almost two years (we had a falling out because we got too close- she was going through a lot, and I was too- just blew up at each other) she works up there.... I guess I'm scared for her to see me too...
Well, there is a good chance that you won't run across someone you know. One tactic I use in such situations is just to move fast. Not so fast that I draw attention, but fast enough so I'm less likely to be in one spot long enough to be noticed or be seen by someone I know. And, as I pointed out before, you say it's a gay straight alliance. Indeed, if someone sees you going in, you can simply say you know someone well who is gay. You don't have to say that the someone is yourself. (This is a strategy I'm planning to use if needed. Feel free to borrow!)
Thank you so much! I will try that! ---------- Post added 9th May 2013 at 11:39 PM ---------- Thanks RSwordsman! I'll try to do my best
Hey, how've you been?! I'm glad you're making progress and tomorrow will be the ultimate test. You're going to be so proud of yourself if you decide to go. I'm sure once you get there, you will be fine. You know you could always take your boyfriend. And if things become too uncomfortable, I'm sure you can slip out unnoticed, just sit in the back. I'm kidding! Like, BMC77 said, you can be there as an ally. Then again, who cares about what other people will think (easier said than done, I know.) Don't give those people (the bullies) the satisfaction of controlling your life. You are who you are and you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. If anything, have fun! It's a great way to meet people who are going through the same emotions as you. If you happen to see the girl you had a fallen out with then just smile and keep it moving. Unless she speaks to you first, then just keep it casual and good luck!
You always know how to help, don't you? The boyfriend and I broke up. We were both stressed to the extreme, and we weren't helping each other. We have decided to be best friends for now.. Which gives me time to explore and see what this is all about. It's a bummer to lose him like that, but at the same time, the physical side was just shutting down, and the break up really helped us both. Today we spent a couple of hours together just laughing and talking. I talked about girl crushes, and of course, anything sarcastic or funny that came to mind. It was the best time we've had in a very long time, I'd say. So, I will be attending this meeting alone... He would come if he weren't moving his mom's stuff into her new house... I've decided I'll comfort myself by seeing the Great Gatsby right after the meeting. Can't wait! I can do this... I know I can. I'm just illegitimately scared of peoples' reactions.. When I'm in town (meaning any of the three small towns I went to school in/live in) I'm always feeling judged... Like people know, or notice. But I don't know why I care... On the other hand... I went to the mall in the largest city near by, and was shamelessly peeping at girls, unafraid to just be myself. It was so strange. Anyway... I'll stop babbling... Thank you for the encouragement. It really helps... I need it. (*hug*)
