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I want to run away...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by tane503, May 11, 2013.

  1. tane503

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    Okay, last year I came out to my parents, and they made everything feel wierd like by not letting me take showers at the gym because they thought since I really like guys, that all I'm doing in there is staring at them (and I wasn't) So, after a while of this, I went back in the closet. Three weeks ago, because I wanted to date this guy named Spencer who I had recently met, I came out again. This time, they tell me that being lgbtq is sinful and unnatural. They told me that angels were cast out of heaven for being gay, and all of this other stuff about it being sinful. I felt very hurt and it really affected my trust with them, so the following Monday after that weekend, I cut myself 4 times on my ches (and the cuts are already crazy huge scars) They called the police on me, and now I have 5 suicide attempts on my permanent record. I ended up being grounded and they took all of the knives and hid them. Well, I found about thirteen box cutters and two razor blades in a small top compartment of my dad's toolbox while looking for a screwdriver to fix something. I took one of the box cutters, ripped a whole in my stuffed reindeer's neck under it's scarf, and kept the box cutter in there until this last monday. Monday, I cleaned all of my blood off of it and put it back. I am afraid now that I know where they are, and I know with the amount of depression I have been expressing due to the oppression, really, that my parents are holding on me, I could go for them in any given triggering situation and end it right there on my garage floor. I have literally been put on my deathbed 5 times in the last year and a half. Now with all of this depression involving my sexuality on top of everything that was going on before, I dont know for sure that I'll make it to 18. I have really thought about running away with spencer, or even by myself if need be, because I know I have a good enough work ethic and I am resourceful enough to do it, I just don't know if this is my only option in order for me to live to 18 and be sane in the process. Any advice?:help:
     
  2. bingostring

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    You seem to be in a pretty toxic unhealthy environment with parent pressure like that..!!! No wonder you are in a state.. Bordering on mental abuse if you ask me.


    As you are heading for 18, maybe seriously time to make a 1/2/3 year "plan" to set yourself free and move out to live your own life? Providing you can support yourself and have a good network of friends should it get difficult ... Just having a plan may give you some relief from the stress . Or maybe you plan to go to college? That would be great..

    In the meantime can you get support from a therapist/ counsellor? You should not have to deal with this on your own...

    Keep posting here too??? Please!
     
    #2 bingostring, May 11, 2013
    Last edited: May 11, 2013
  3. Dublin Boy

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    Wow Dude, I am so sorry you have parents like this, you really need to seek help, you need support & someone to talk to face to face, you need to know that being Gay, Bisexual or any of the other LGBT beings is normal & only part of who you are, you are human like anybody else & you have feelings like anybody else, you are a sensitive & loving Guy who needs help, if I could Hug you now I would :slight_smile:

    There is this in your area, which is for the LGBT community :slight_smile:

    Q Center | LGBTQ Community Center

    Try to dispose of the razor blade & box cutter & remove the temptation, with all this negativity around you, I can understand why it is hard for you to see the forest for the tree's, I wish you could love yourself for who you are, I can tell from your posts, that you are a sensitive intelligent Guy who is lost at the moment, it does get better Dude, remember, you do have friends on here, who love you for who you are & understand how you feel :slight_smile:

    I am not sure if you are a Gamer, but this is also in your area as well, for LGBT youth.


    PDX Gaymers (Portland, OR) - Meetup

    Take care my friend & lots of Hugs coming your way X

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  4. tane503

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    Wow. Thank you so much! you just made my day! *hugs back*(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  5. coreyl13

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    First I'd like to start off by saying God loves ALL of his children. I'd like to know where in the bible angels were cast out of heaven for being gay and actually there are gay couples in the bible. I work with self harmers and I've seen the damage that can be done. Every scar is a reminder of that moment sure it releases the pain at that moment but the problem that caused the pain is still there. Talk to spencer or us on here when you feel the urge. You can push through this. :slight_smile:
     
  6. June Cleaver

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    Not that I am telling you to run, but at 18 I ran away just weeks after I finished high school. I moved in with my boyfriend at the time and lived with him for 2 years and it was very rough. I had a hard start, but the freedom was worth it. I was scared the first 6 months untill I realized the sun was still comming up in the morning. My father came around in 98 or early 99 when he learned I was on my deathbed. Obvously with his money I recovered from illness, but it took about 9 years for him to come around. He did and all the hard times made me a better person, made me grow up, and set my life right.

    So get help because you deserve the right to be you! God loves me and is always there for me. He made me the trans-woman I am and has not forsaken me. Therefore God will be there for you too. Your parents are twisting religion to suit their needs against you. They think it is for your own good and I assure you they love you. They are just plain wrong and don't understand you. Feel free to post any questions you might have or just be my friend on my wall, or PM if you like. Good luck! June
     
  7. CreativeDreamer

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    I know how it is to have a hard time with your sexuality, whether it be because of others or just because of the fact that it is (Whether we like to believe it or not) hard to be different. I used to cut terribly for years, and much of it came from the fact I had such a terrible time accepting who I was. I can't imagine living in the type of environment you're in. Nobody should have to go through that. I think setting up a plan to possibly get out on your own once you turn 18 is a good idea. It's toxic to be around things such as that. Maybe talk to a guidance councilor and see what they have to say? Some of them are very helpful and with as large as the LGBT community is today, they have more than likely dealt with these situations in the past.

    I'm sorry your parents are so unexcepting. Nobody deserves that. I don't care what anyone says, as far as God goes? He doesn't judge anyone, remember, HE made us. He didn't make a mistake on us, he made us fabulous and unique. He gave us a challenge because he knew we could overcome it! You're wonderful just the way you are, and God loves you all the same! The struggles are hard, I've been there to, but once you're there, and living the life, you'll be so much happier. Excepting yourself is the first step, than worry about others. (I know that's hard being said about those as close as parents, but it's the truth) Best of luck to you and I hope all works out.