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i'm broken

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by eklam, May 11, 2013.

  1. eklam

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    so before i start, let me say something about myself. Please bear with me if this is gonna be quite long.

    I'm a closeted guy, in my 20's. The only people who knows i'm gay are my two sister, and a close friend of mine.

    The first person whom i came out with was the friend. After she knew, she said she is okay with it. And i wasn't the first to come out to her, which isn't actually a surprised to me because she's really nice and understanding.

    Next, to my 2nd sisters. This time it was really unplanned. We went to a coffee shop, just to kill some time. Then i had the feeling that i should come out, because its really bugging me for couple of weeks already. I explained to her my situation, the whole from where it started and such. After telling her, it wasn't really something that i would call successful nor failure. It was like, okay now what situation. She said its okay, do i have any plan to tell my parents and such, and that she would help me etc etc. That they would accept me, although it may not be at first, the same old same old story.

    The last person (currently) is my eldest sister. In her case, she was the one who asked me if there is a problem. I said, i was okay. She's been asking me for couple days ago, after i have been slightly changing moods. Like gloomy moods, solitude manner. And she ask me again if i wanted to tell her something. Then i asked her, "what her point?" She told me that she doesn't want to say it because she maybe wrong. I told her to just ask me straight away. Then she asked me if i was gay. I confidently told her yes, this was after i came out to my friend and my 2nd sister. And i asked her, what gave her hints that i was in the first place. She said that she just had some instinct.

    Btw, i'm not an effeminate gay guy.

    After the whole incident, the people who knew that i was closet didn't really asked me about anything that much, which i find it good AND bad. Good in a sense maybe they accepted me and/or that its also good so that i wouldn't answer to many questions. Bad in a sense, that they didn't actually care what i was struggling with.

    After some time, like a year or so? Out of nowhere, my second sister told me like she would still prefer me to marry a girl, we're in a country where no same sex marriage, and that she wanted me to settle down. Although there are some time that she would ask me if i wanted to have an arranged date, with a girl of course.

    Here is where my problem is, right after she told me that she wanted me to marry a girl thing, the follow up topic hit me like a broken glass. Here is our conversation.

    Her: If you're going to marry a man, do it in other country where it was allowed.
    Me: ...
    Her: Also, if you're going to marry a man, could you live in the [USA] and never come back (she said this in a calmly manner, not angry or sarcastic, like normal conversation)? Because, if you're going to marry a man, how can i introduce you to my friends? Like, "hi, he's my brother-in-law.
    Me: why? is that bad?
    Her: No, its just you know.

    So technically, i don't know. Is she embarrassed with me??? I have already thought that some people may tell me that, but i never imagined her saying to me like that. We are close. I really felt broken and saddened. It was couple of days ago, and i still can't move on. I'm a guy who actually care less with anything that's happening to me, a happy-go-lucky guy. But this one really got to me.

    Also, i'm a happy-go-lucky guy, but when i'm alone a have thought of giving up on my life. Btw, on the same day that i had that conversation with my second sister, i had a phone call with my eldest sister. She was saying that i should find a partner in life, being a gay person doesn't mean you'll not find your partner, whether a guy or a girl.

    So, im totally a mess right now. Not that anyone knows, or notice.
    I just wanted to cry during and after our conversation.:tears:
     
  2. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Welcome to EC Eklam- Hugs. You will find support here. Family can really mess with your head. It will get better. Really. Take care of you. I don't have answers-Just a Hug. Rose
     
  3. malachite

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    Sounds like she needs to stop worrying more about what social circles think and more about what family means. We've gone through this in some way shape or form, very few people have 100% acceptance when they come out.
    You're upset by her reaction, and you should be, but SHE has the issue not you. You can't just wish the gay away, you are who you are.
     
  4. coreyl13

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    I would sit down with the young sister and let her know that you will never marry a woman. And ask her to tell you her concerns. I think sometimes its hard for others because they have to chenge their thinking. She probly pictured in her mind that you were going to get married and have children and now she has to re think this. i'm not sure what she meant by never come back it could be that since same sex marriage is not legal where you are it wouldn't be honored. And here in the USA same sex marriage is only legal in a few states and not natianally recognized. Sounds lime your older sister wants you to explore a little and find somebody to start a relationship with. Hope I helped a little. Anything else come up message me :slight_smile:
     
  5. TJ

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    If you can't talk it out with her, then just ignore that.
    It's not her life to live, so don't let her bring you down haha.

    It sounds like you have a nearly perfect family. They probably aren't asking a bunch of questions because they don't want to make it a bigger deal than it is - If you want support, ask them (or us, cause we do that well).

    But yes - if you need to, try to talk to your sister about it. If talking won't resolve it, move past it and keep on living.
     
  6. bingostring

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    yes, SHE has a problem to work through .. not you!
    Give her time ...
    she will probably forget she ever said it !!
     
  7. eklam

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    thanks everyone for the support. I don't know bout her, she's very tactless most of the time. So maybe, thats what she actually thinks?

    i've never had a gf/bf even once so.. i don't know. But since i knew that i'm gay. I personally think having a gf, which my 2nd sister wanted me to have, is not right. It's just plainly wrong in my opinion. I think i would be a jerk, if i ever i did that.
     
  8. Stray

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    I think what she was doing was trying to protect you (albeit in a tactless way).

    When I came out to two of my friends whom I grew up with, they tried to convince me that I was straight and just having urges from sexual frustration. You see, I go to school in Alabama, and gays on our campus aren't generally very welcome, and they didn't want that for me. So I appreciated their efforts.

    I think the same happened with your sister, so don't be too upset or feel like she doesn't accept you.