February 2012 I came out to my family. I didn't because I was proud to do so, I did it because I was stressed about it and didn't accept myself. Obviously, this was a bad idea... not because they didn't accept me, because they did, but because I didn't accept myself. The result left me with horrible anxiety and depression. So bad that when I went to the doctors for a completely different reason (ear infection), he stopped and asked me "do you find yourself worrying a lot?" ...I guess he must have been able to pick it up from my speech pattern and overall aura. That was about a year ago, and I thought I had gotten better with it. The doctor proposed I look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy...which I didn't, because I didn't want to fact the fact I may be depressed/have an anxiety disorder. It was too much to add to my plate. And although life has improved since (I know longer feel suicidal, and I feel like I accept my sexuality to the point where I want to meet a guy and form a relationship), anxiety still rules my life. I met a guy, things were going quite well...but I ruined it because of my anxiety. My constant overthinking. This made me realize that I'm perhaps not as free from my chains as I thought I was. I'm in a constant state of apathy and helplessness, I have no motivation to do even my favourite hobbies, I feel ugly yet I have an image of what I'd prefer to look like (I'm quite chubby, and I'd love to have a good male physique, but I just...can't motivate myself to change it). What do I do?! I don't know if I'm depressed, or even have an anxiety disorder, but since February 2012, while I thought I had gotten better, it's starting to feeling like I was just...ignoring my problems.
I am a long time sufferer of Cyclothymia and GAD as well as a therapist. I can categorically say that the hardest part of going to a therapist is being ready to admit to things and face them. With that said, IT DOES GET BETTER. Therapy is an intense process but over time you find that just by venting things to a professional it starts to ease. Then you can get into why it started in the first place and find holistic healing. Now as for specifics... CBT is the linchpin of anxiety spectrum disorders. It was practically made for them and has great success in management of anxiety. I would definitely look into it. If you like to ask any questions about therapy I would be happy to answer. But of course know that I won't be your therapist so I can't tell you exactly how they will work. Foxface
How does your anxiety manifest it's self, what type of symptoms do you have? How do you deal with them at present?
Everything is going to be a-okay. (*hug*) I'm here to try and offer you the best advice I can. The first thing I can say is, get distracted. With anxiety, if you find yourself thinking about world problems, personal problems, try and distract yourself with fun activities outside like walking, jogging, tossing a ball around with someone, playing with pets, or just climbing trees. It's what I've started to do to get myself active and not playing video games too often. I also gathered you said you want to change your body a bit. Playing outside, where getting sunlight can help improve your overall mood and your body will start to produce Vitamin D, I think. I know your body produces some vitamin with exposure to the sun. Walking can also shape your muscles. If you have trouble falling asleep like I do with my anxiety disorder, you can always LITERALLY count sheep, or men, or whatever floats your boat. Or try and sing a soothing song like the ABCs. It'll relax you, and hopefully you'll fall asleep. Cut out all distractions like television, cell phone, computer, etc. I have a mild anxiety disorder, and it was caused by caffeine. My dad, the idiot, introduced me to soda when I was two. I haven't been able to kick the stuff completely, but I have been able to reduce my intake of sodas to about three sodas a week, which still isn't good. Reducing your sugar and gluten intake helps your body overall as well. Playing video games, stuff to occupy your mind with, can also help. You could be thinking about what you'll do when you reach a certain level instead of the problems you're having with real life. Just stuff to get distracted. Hopefully that helps a little. >_<
Thanks for the reply! I remember the doctor saying he thought CBT would benefit me, and gave me a couple of websites to look into, but they just didn't help. One of them didn't even work. I just ignored it after that and let time heal my soul. Like I said, I realize now it hasn't worked as much as I thought it had. I can't remember a time where I wasn't over-thinking, over-worrying, being paranoid about what others thing of me, hating my own reflection in the mirror. Even my friends often joke after I tell them a story about something--it could be a guy I met--"Oh my god, you overthink way too much!!!" I have a doctor's appointment next week. I'm really scared for it, I just think I'll get laughed out of the office or I'll leave with no actual help other than the names of a couple of websites yet again. @BornInTexas - Thank you for the reply, however--and let me say that I do appreciate it--I have tried every route you've mentioned. I can distract myself temporarily, but that's all it remains to me: temporary. It's like getting drunk and feeling happy for 30 minutes. It doesn't last forever, and as soon as I return home from an evening with my friends, my thoughts return to how they were before. I can't distract myself with hobbies as I currently have no interest in them. I know what my hobbies are, but I have zero motivation to do them. I have unfinished art pieces I'd love to work on, but I just...don't want to, the drive isn't there. I have also tried exercise and dieting. Multiple times. I go for runs many mornings, but the release of endorphins doesn't seem to me enough. I've tried swimming, as I've always found that relaxing in the past, but that too does nothing for me. I feel like I'm losing the battle and home remedies just aren't enough. I feel like I need...professional help. @DublinBoy - my anxiety can be triggered by absolutely anything. A stranger in the street giving me a funny look, for instance. I overthink that scenario into why were they looking at me strange, are they going to follow me home and attack me, etc. I deal with it by...dealing with it, I guess. Just attempting to take it on the chin, but it's getting so hard these days.
