I am 24 years old. Seven months ago I starting using craigslist for casual jo/bjs. It was a simple release for me, and I am not open to the public about my tendencies or my internet hookups. I met two guys on different occasions, and that was it for them. After a couple months I decided to give it a whirl again. I met this guy who is 46 yrs old. We have been spending hours upon hours together. It isn't only being sexual. We go to concerts, make dinner together, go out to bars, take walks, and do everything together--- a somewhat normal relationship. However, we are both secret about our relationship and sexuality, for obvious reasons. I am not convinced that my guy/guy relationship with an older man would be readily accepted amongst my friends and family. Even more... I came to understand his past with using craigslist on a regular basis. He had developed an addiction, in my opinion. Over the past couple years he had been meeting multiple guys per month for casual sex. Disgusting--- in my opinion. But he told me I had changed him. I really struggled to believe him for a while, but our connection became so strong and I grew to trust him. After three months I discovered that he had lied to me. One of his past craigslist hookups was in town and he was unable to resist temptation. I found out a month after it had happened. I told him I was done. He went numb, and he instantly gave me access into his fake e-mail accounts and multiple website profiles that he had been using for about 8 years. It was obvious that he had stopped using his accounts quickly after meeting me. The person he lied to me about was someone who recently contacted him, a person he had been with twice during 2012. Needless to say, I was done with him. After a few days of not speaking, it was so hard for both of us not to see each other. We met again and he let me delete every one of his online accounts, along with old phone contacts and his porn collection. He apologized and admitted to me that he has a problem. He has told me very detailed testimonies of his past, even some very uncomfortable things to know, all in efforts to help me understand his struggle. He is working on getting help for himself. He tells me I am the best thing that has happened to his life, and he is astounded by my ability to forgive him (although it was not an easy or pleasurable experience). He is a very successful individual, but he continues to spend hours upon hours with me. Even more than just physicality, we enjoy just being together. We have spent the nights together almost every night for the past couple months. We talk multiple times per day, and I am truly convinced in his desire to be with me and only me. It has been about five months now. ... My question is this: am I crazy? Should I deny such a strong connection? The age gap is one thing, but his past is another. Our relationship is far from typical in many ways. Even how fast our relationship escalated amazes me. But we never tire of each other and are always excited to talk and be with one another. I think most people would call it love, but I am a skeptic to ever use that word even though this is the strongest I've ever felt and cared for another person. He wants me to move in with him to help show his commitment. He has already even given me a key, but I am definitely not rushing into that. I'm interested in seeing how counseling goes for him, but all the while I wonder if this relationship will prove fatal in the long run. We are both intelligent and responsible people. Both of us still look out for ourselves as well as each other. But we have no idea what we are getting ourselves into... How should we proceed? Or should we even try?
I don't think there's anything wrong to be in a relationship despite the age gap. There might be some issue of it getting accepted by your peers and family, any worry from their part is not out of ill will, but there are definitively things that will have to be considered. If you're still comfortable with him despite the gap, I don't see it as an issue. His psychological state is more worrisome however. If there are improvements in his behavior, then all the better. I do not know if there's a risk that he may cheat on you again or not, it's difficult to tell. It's something you could discuss with him (although it seems you already have). As far as whether you should move in or not, that decision will be up to you, your financial status, etc. I'd have to agree with Unsurevirgin about craigslist though, although I'd be lying if I said that I haven't been looking around potentially in the hope of just getting it over with and losing my virginity.
I met my girlfriend on Craigslist while we were both somewhat closeted and looking for a hookup. It can happen. It sounds like you have a real connection. The age gap doesn't concern me, the past does. He is very forthcoming and sounds genuine in his desire to change that past. At his age, its worth a shot to try to change and you are clearly worth fighting for in order to keep. At your age, I think you have youth on your side and you have lots of time to find someone without so much baggage. Its ultimately your decision but please try to remember that at 24, there will be other men. So if you decide to give him a chance, make it only this one time. Good luck and know that you deserve someone that is honest with you.
You've answered your own question. The guy is a liar and a sex addict. And you found him on the men for men section of Craigslist... not exactly the place to find quality guys looking for relationships. He's saying what he's saying because he's got a hot younger guy so he'll say and do anything to try and hold onto you. But it's unlikely the relationship will ever be healthy, or that he'll be faithful... and when you add to that the fact that you're both dealing with some pretty serious shame issues if you're both focused on keeping it secret... this is a recipe for an *incredibly* unhealthy relationship. You deserve a whole lot better. You probably already know that. So treat yourself to what you deserve
If he is being unfaithful and lying, you might be better off moving on. I have to say though that the age gap, and craigslist are not always as bad as you may think. I met my husband when he posted an ad on craigslist looking for friends, not sex. He was 24, and I was 41, we have now been together 4 years and legally married for 1 and a half. Neither of us has problems with cheating or lying to each other, and we could not be happier. I don't think I would put up with someone who lied and cheated on me, but it is ultimately your decision.
^^^^^As always Chip is dead on! I pray to GOD you have NEVER done anything unsafe with this guy. Keep in mind this guy has been up to this for years and he has scazds of numbers and locations he goes too for sex besides the fake accounts. Yes a perv tring to hold onto a green young man like yourself will try anything, say anything, and do anything to keep getting you. This type of guy goes to porn stores and goes into the booths and has sex with anyone in the dark and likely has his favorite bathrooms around town, and knows what rest areas and parks to go to. Though some decent people may innocently go to Craigs List not knowing any better like you, but we know this is not his case. Watch CL and you will see that the same guys like that troll it among other hook-up sites. Yes in my day we called guys like that TROLLS. My first BF was a stripper and I learned early about trolls and the rest of it. Find a decent guy like yourself who is looking and has ten tons less baggage and insist on seeint their std test results before play time. A responcable guy gets tested at least twice a year and if he is clean he will have no problem showing you his paperwork. Your guy would need to go get tested for HIV, Hep-B Hep-C, Ghonerea, Syfillis, Herpies, and the rest of the little ones before I would go near him. At 24 you have a lot of years ahead of you and it sure would suck for you if you caught something. Keep in mind Syfillis, and Ghonerea now have incureable strands out there and you don't want to catch that! Be safe, June
I have used CL before, just kind of as a way to see what's out there. Thankfully, I never actually met up with anyone. Phewww. I say that because it really is full of creeps. It's almost become a sort of entertainment for me. I'm not saying all the people on there are creeps....but....most are. It's very possible you could walk down the street and see a guy, date him, and be in just as much trouble - I get it. I know some people use CL....there's just a lot of problems. In terms of the age gap...again, it's not necessarily the worst thing ever. However, you need to look at a lot of factors - at his age, what was he doing on there? What drew you to him? Did he reply to you? A good CL ad has to pull people in. Your location is a big deal, too. I think that CL might work in more liberal areas because it's probably just guys who want to release and have sex. Frankly, as long as you are safe,that doesn't bother me as much as someone who has so much shame and is hiding in the closet and has to use this service to find someone. CL is great for that crowd. You don't have to put a picture...you don't even have to show your email when replying. Catching my drift here? There's a lot of problems with this relationship, but I can only say what I think. You have to make the decision as to what you finally decide is best.
