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how to regulate emotions

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Ettina, May 18, 2013.

  1. Ettina

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    I would like some advice.

    I'm autistic and have PTSD. When I get upset with my family, I tend to scream at them, punch myself, and sometimes grab or shove them.

    I was looking for an online test of my attachment style (when I substitute 'parents' for 'partner' in this test, I score as 'preoccupied'). Anyway, I stumbled across some advice on how to deal with conflicts in a relationship, and I'm feeling down because the advice wouldn't work for me at all.

    Basically, their advice had two components. First, recognize subtle signs of anger before it gets too high; and second, exit the situation and calm down before reengaging.

    I have problems with both those steps.

    Firstly, although sometimes I can notice a gradual build-up in my stress, other times I go from calm (or even happy) to extremely upset instantly, without warning, because of a single upsetting comment or event.

    Secondly, when I have noticed myself getting upset and tried to exit the situation, I find that while I'm away, I can't calm down. Either one of two things happens - I either start ruminating on whatever they did and getting more and more angry about it, or I start feeling self-destructive, to the point where I've sometimes found myself looking around the room and imagining how various objects in my environment could be used to seriously injure or even kill myself.

    They say you aren't supposed to stew over the issue, you're supposed to distract yourself, but they don't have any advice about how to distract yourself. Is this something most people can do easily? It's pretty much impossible for me. Closest I can do is that sometimes I manage to turn off my feelings, but then I'm incapable of feeling happy for awhile, until I finally have another meltdown and get it out.

    Do you have any advice for me? I've had psychotherapy and it hasn't really helped with this.
     
  2. Mogget

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    In the long term, I'd suggest taking up meditation. Over time meditation will make it easier for you to observe your emotions and have more of a pause between emotion and reaction. In the short term I'd suggest grounding, which I've written about here.
     
  3. LostInside

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    I am the same way, i can be happy one second and then someone says something that upsets me or things aren't going right and i get very angry. I also have trouble controlling the anger even if i step away to try and control it, it just intensifies. I usually end up having to turn off my emotions also and just going on auto pilot for a while. Either that or let the anger take over and become self destructive like you mentioned. I have actually wondered for a while if i have aspergers. Sometimes if I'm really overwhelmed by things my anger turns to tears, very annoying.
     
    #3 LostInside, Jun 7, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2014