I fell in love with my best friend. We were really close for a year. We spoke everyday from the minute we woke up to the minute we went to bed. We saw each other almost every day. Everytime we drank, we shared some sort of intimacy between holding hands, making out in bed, making out while dancing, cuddling, and resting our hands on places that are not appropriate (inner thigh and even below that). I told her how I felt about 2 months ago. Since then she has been hot/cold with me. She told me she didn't feel the same way. Even since she has "known", we have cuddled inappropriately twice. I say inappropriately because I am pretty affectionate with my friends in general, but we cross the line of what is considered 'normal' for friends. The other night I drank a little too much and was texting her stuff...well more calling her out on stuff that has happened between us and telling her it's not norma as friends. I know that is probably the worst thing to do to someone, and I apologized for that the next day... However, while we were 'arguing' about how i felt, she was also being shitty. She sent me a fake picture of her making out with another girl (hand over mouth), she said she made out with one of our mutual gay friends that is a girl, and she also said she was going to go fuck a guy. IDK i just feel like all of that was uncalled for. I know that she cares about me as a friend, and I don't get why she would make fun of the situation--and to me. I just feel like a friend would be more compassionate. The next morning she told me she cant do this anymore. My feelings are getting in the way, and I need to decide if I want to be a 'normal' friend or not. She said she wants to be friends, but she is leaving it up to me. I told her I do, but that I just need some space apart from her right now. But now I'm starting to wonder if I should be her friend again. Before, I couldn't imagine my life without her. But the way she made fun of my feelings really got to me. IDK if I should just put everything in the past to rest and try to establish a new friendship... or if i should cut her out of my life and just be civil with her when I see her.
There`s no easy answer to this one, it all comes down to whether you think you can go back to being "a normal friend" (that term would have pissed me off, if she had said it to me) or if your feelings are to deep to get cornered off and erased. At least she gave you a pretty clear answer, that she doesn`t get these feelings, and definitely do not feel the same way. So now it`s all up to you. Maybe take a few weeks of space? Then see? In any case, you`re the only one who can tell whether you can continue being friends with her or not. But if you can`t get over her romantically, the friendship is bound to be a constant source of pain for you. *Big hug*
The reason why she acted so selfishly could have been the heat of the moment. She could have been really confused and maybe even upset about the messages that you were texting her while you were drunk. It may have not been the best way to deal with it, but is how she did. You should try looking at the situation from her point of view. Imagine how she must be feelings about this, and try to understand why she would say or do the things that she did. From what it sounds like, she's a real good friend to you and it isn't worth losing the friendship over something you can't control (your feelings for her). The intimacy hasn't made it easy for you, but now it's really up to you to decide what you want. If you remain friends, would you be able to resist the attractions? It definitely isn't an easy thing to do and it can make you feel a lot more emotional than usual, so you'll have to be prepared for that. If you didn't, would you be able to carry on with your life? She's been there for you for so long, and to diminish that relationship, and such a strong one, can also have pretty deep effects. If I were you - I'd just be honest with her. Carry on being friends, but let her know how difficult it is for you and that you'll try your best to be as "normal" as you can, despite how strong the feelings become.
