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"Friends" and FaceBook

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Ruby Dragon, May 21, 2013.

  1. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    During my questioning stage, I stupidly came out as gay, only to come out a second time as bi. And eventually figured out (and with the help of a few EC'ers) that I'm actually only biromantic, and mainly heterosexual - but I consider myself to be a bit of a tomboy

    I came out on FaceBook by changing my "interested in"... (First to women, then to both men and women) and then simply deleted both those "updates" and hid the whole interested in section of my profile completely.

    However, I noticed that one of my (so-called) "friends" unfriended me. I'm not sure if it was because of what I changed my interested in to or because of something else I may have said or done to upset her. I know I shouldn't take it too personally, but it just ticks me off and makes me paranoid when something like this happens. I get the feeling that she's two-faced. One of those people who smiles to your face, and when you turn around, they stab you in the back. She still sends me the occasional message on IM, and when I run into her, she seems friendly. I don't know what to do. My mom enquired about it last night. She asked me why I no longer talk about them as much as I used to (I'm friends with her hubby and daughter also). I told my mom about her unfriending me on FaceBook, and she was taken aback, and suggested I ask her why she'd done that. I don't think it's such a good idea. I would rather just let it go. Perhaps I took the whole thing a bit far, as I "liked" an LGBT page and posted a couple of pro-gay things to my wall. I know that my sister took this kinda badly, and I had to endure a major lecture from my parents. But I think I deleted those things after I realized my true sexuality, and wrote in my status at that time that it was just a phase, and I now know who I truly am. Got quite a few likes on that. I still feel bad and regret coming out prematurely. But what's done is done, and I cannot turn back time (Anyone have a time machine I could borrow?)

    This is more of a rant than anything, and I hope it makes sense
     
    #1 Ruby Dragon, May 21, 2013
    Last edited: May 21, 2013
  2. gravechild

    Regular Member

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    Think of it this way: would you really want to be friends with someone you couldn't even trust to be straight with you? There's no telling what they really think or say of you when you're not around, and that's no way to live. Also, there's no reason to feel guilty or 'take back' who you are, or what you support, and if they have a problem with it, that's their own issue to deal with, not yours. Again, you've done nothing wrong, and maybe it's time to start making more accepting friends?
     
  3. BryanM

    Full Member

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    I have the interested in on my profile hid as well. To anyone outside of school they consider me an ALLY because of my outspoken support of LGBT rights. I've lost friends over this as well, but I guess they aren't real friends if they won't accept freedom for all.
     
  4. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the replies :slight_smile: I suppose if someone cannot accept their friends for who they are, they weren't true friends to begin with..... This reminds me of the saying, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind"
     
  5. Ridiculous

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    There's a lot going on in your post so forgive me if I've gotten the wrong impression.

    If she unfriended you, but is still friendly to you and still talks to you and even still goes out of her way to sends messages to you on IMs, it's obvious to me that she doesn't have a problem with you. I'm very doubtful that she unfriended you because you changed your interested in, otherwise it's unlikely she would still want any contact outside of this. It's just a coincidence that they happened at the same time.

    I don't use Facebook, but on another service I recently had a clearout of friends. I had no problem with them whatsoever - in fact I mostly only have good things to say about them - but, I had very little to no contact with them any more, and as such it was just a hindrance having them there, so I removed them. Some people (like me) have 'stricter' requirements for who is on their friend lists, but that doesn't mean we don't like the people that we don't have on it, or are suddenly enemies with the people we remove.
     
  6. Typhoon

    Typhoon Guest

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    Most of your Facebook Friends aren't really your friends. I have people on my list who never look at me or speak to me at all. You're lucky enough that she did it herself to stop you feeling uncomfortable from doing it yourself :slight_smile:
     
  7. this sums it up perfectly.
     
  8. Lexington

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    You can certainly send her a message asking "Saw you unfriended me - everything OK?" But you're also under no obligation to do so. It's facebook. Don't take it too seriously. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  9. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I'm sort of over it now. I am just as guilty, because I unfriended a bunch of people, without prior notice. It's mostly people I don't know very well, so the general feeling is, why should I have people on my FB just for the sake of having them? Most of them seldom - if ever - posted much on their walls, and never really contacted me in any other way or form, apart from sending me friend requests. And a couple of those people were only accepted because we share a mutual friend or two. I honestly don't think that my friend unfriended me for this reason, but her reasoning behind it, is really none of my business.

    I could always send her another friend request, but don't really see the point. As long as she's happy, and is still talking to me then I won't take it too personally (terrible trait of mine to always take things personally)... Thanks again for the replies :icon_wink