Feeling Lonely Lately :( Could use some cheering up

Hello, everyone! I don't know why, but lately now that summer's approaching, I've been feeling unusually lonely when I'm home on the weekends--especially at night! I think it's because I'm going to be away from my new friends at college until September except when we can manage to get together a few times over the summer. I'm gonna miss seeing them every day!

It's lonely having my neighbor in the dorms come over nights while her and my roommate go on about how awesome it'll be for THEM to room together next year. They are very kind to me and try to include me in conversations, but still, half the time I just kinda fell...there. On the sidelines.

It's lonely having to bend over backwards to try and get in contact with my best friend since middle school while she takes me for granted. I'd do anything for her, but again, I just feel kind of "there" while she won't even drop me a line if it makes a difference to her whether I'm there or not. I hate it when I manage to catch her online or in a text and the whole time I'm just waiting for her to drop one of her famous one liners like "I'm going to bed night" and POOF! She's gone, and I feel stupid for even initiating a conversation. :dry:

I hate feeling like I have to put on a smile for everyone. I DO feel happy most of the time, and I AM surrounded by good friends at college, but at the same time I feel like if I stop being the girl who's kind to everyone, always has a smile, and is always willing to listen, I'll stop being accepted. :icon_sad: I think everyone feels like this sometimes.

Not even as someone I could date, but I just wish I had somebody I could talk to and see fairly regularly without feeling like I'm eating up their time. I have many good friends, but I've yet to find that "best friend" at college. My high school bf isn't even close to fulfilling my needs, and I need someone I can just call up and go, "I'm really frustrated about such-and-such a matter! Can I tell you all about it?" Everyone needs at least one person to vent to, and I'm glad EC is here to help!

Over the summer in a few weeks when I have time, I'd also love to start making more friends on EC aside from starting threads. I'd love to meet more of you guys! I'd more than welcome it if anyone wants to post on my wall or send me a random PM, too! I miss having LGBT friends, and we can be some awesome people! Just wanted to get that off my chest, and happy almost-summer, EC!!

 

Hello! Yes, that sounds exactly right! It does indeed get very tiring, and I don't nearly take as good care of myself as I do my friends. I'm terrified of being called selfish, so I try my hardest to appease my friends. It doesn't hurt that I'm the type that wants to spoil my friends a little, too! It does feel like we make the situation worse for ourselves, and after a while doesn't it sting a little that our friends, who receive this treatment all the time, don't realize it might be nice to return the favor since they themselves are satisfied?

I do have a lot of good friends at college who will pick me up when I fall down, but I try not to put myself in those situations because, again, I feel like I'm required to always be fine and smile. I guess if I did act hurt when I really was more often, I'd know who my REAL friends are. As for my best friend, our so-called "break" has been this whole year I'm away at college. I only saw her three times over the summer, and the last time I was supposed to see her for the summer to kind of talk about this issue, I had to text her to find out she wasn't coming because of a baby shower. And to think--if I hadn't asked, I wouldn't have known! So I basically told her, "your loss--see you at Christmas!"

It takes quite a bit of prompting on my part--sometimes a month to get her over to see me, and I always have to initiate because she's just so naturally bad at keeping up with communications. She's been absolutely bewildered both when I saw her the first time in four months after I'd started school and spring break four months after that when I just broke down in tears, I was so happy to finally see her. She'd use a sweet, soft voice to say, "I'm right here, silly!" so I'd say, "but really soon, you won't be!" The past few times I've seen her or even just talked to her, I feel even lonelier than before like she's vaccuuming out my ribs instead of filling them.

Sorry for rambling!

I am open to dating, but my first girlfriend didn't work out and all the other lesbians I know of on campus are already dating some girl. I don't think I've even met any of them in person! I'm not flamboyantly out, but if it comes up, I'll mention my orientation. I bet people know from my first girlfriend already because she would stick to me like glue everywhere we went (which honestly made me uneasy). If there ARE more girls willing to date another girl on campus, I'd sure like to know where! Because they're sure not in the GSA!

Thank you very much, it makes me feel so much better to know there's someone with the same problem! I'll be here for you, too! (*hug*)

---------- Post added 27th May 2013 at 01:23 PM ----------

Lol, indeed I did! ^-^ And I welcome you to EC, sorry you found me again sounding so troubled! It's awesome you want to make new friends! If you like, I'll write on your wall more until you become a full member who can send PM's! I hope you have good experiences here and build your own support group!

---------- Post added 27th May 2013 at 01:27 PM ----------

Lol, I can understand perfectly! It can get really tough, and sometimes it doesn't seem worth the effort, right? But I have been getting better at wallowing less and focusing on the good parts that I like about myself I've discovered over the past year! I'm really turning into someone I can be proud of, and if no one else can see it, then it's their loss! :lol: I also believe we can find happiness when we're alone--we've just got to dig deeper because it's hidden! Thanks for sharing, I get where you're coming from! (*hug*)

 

Thank you very much, too, for the others who offered hugs, kindness, and their time! ^-^(*hug*)