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Question for those who have known they were gay for a relatively long time

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by evora, May 27, 2013.

  1. evora

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    Have you ever went through phases of irrational fear when you were certain you'd wake up one day and realize you've changed your mind overnight and now you wanted to sleep with the opposite gender?
    It hasn't happened to me yet but that's what I'm afraid of. I'm scared one day I'll become heterosexual and find myself living with a man. I don't want to.

    I need to quietly point out that these thoughts usual occur to me after having read certain articles and comments on how deviant and disgusting this gay lifestyle choice is to the majority of the population. Or when they talk about me as if I wasn't even a human being.
     
  2. runnerSR20

    runnerSR20 Guest

    I didn't realize I was gay until I was 26/27. I've never thought it was a phase. I occasionally hope that one day I'll find the woman of my life and we'll have the perfect life and perfect children and I'll never think about a guy again. Those feelings come and go and can last from a few hours to a couple days. Will those feelings ever go away? Who knows.
     
  3. EddyG

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    I've known since I was a teen, though at times didn't want to admit it to myself.

    I've never had the kinds of fears you describe. The fact these thoughts appear after particular triggers is telling though.
     
  4. Bobbybobby99

    Bobbybobby99 Guest

    I have known since I was around 7, to be honest with myself, and that has never happened to me. I have never feared that I would just randomly stop liking boys.
     
  5. MrBrightside

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    Im the opposite, i have always feared i wouldnt stop liking guys. I have always been desperate to fit in and be straight. It sadly wont happen, so i cling to the hope that im bi, cos im still unsure of myself.

    Taken me years to get this far, maybe ill feel the same as you one day if i find a guy i love.
     
  6. lull23

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    Nope, I've never had a fear I'd wake up one day thinking I was straight. Never even crossed my mind for a second.

    I don't even spend any time on "what if"'s.
     
  7. Femmeme

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    Evora, yes I know exactly what you're talking about. It's a pretty common fear among closeted folk. Often it's that we're afraid we'll go through trouble, pain and embarrassment of coming out only to suddenly realize we're straight and it was all for nothing!

    I've seen multiple threads here about that subject.

    Or we're afraid we'll never come out and end up living a lie.

    Either way, you aren't alone. Plenty of people have these fears.
     
  8. I knew I was not straight for almost 3 years and I have known I was fully gay for a month. But yea I still have that fear. Especially, most of my close friends are from an LGBT center, and most of the people I hang out with are from there, and most of my social life has been in the gay scene.

    It would to wake up one day and realize I'm not queer. I'm already so involved.
     
  9. Argentwing

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    I've actually feared I'd go from bi to full gay and lose my attraction to the opposite sex. Hasn't happened yet in the ten years I've known my sexuality's a little goofy, but in periods where I'm feeling more gay, I still sort of worry that I'll stay that way. Not that being full homo is bad, but my life is currently built around a straight relationship, and I do really enjoy checking out any and all genders XD.
     
  10. LadyAdams42

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    I understand perfectly what you mean. I've had fears like that sometimes, most often when I'm not feeling good about myself but as I tend to worry about things a lot I don't let it get to me. I prefer to adopt the 'what happens happens' philosophy and stop letting it eat at me =).
     
  11. timo

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    I didn't know I was gay until I was 20, quite late really. But even though I am quite sure about it now, I still "fear" I might fall in love with a girl some day. Now that would make me very fucking confused.
     
  12. BrokenGuy

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    I have always known I was gay, and I am 500% confident; that I always will be! :grin: I do not believe for a second; that sexuality is fluid. And, even if it truly is for some; I still believe there are other factors behind why they sleep with whoever, and are attracted to whoever. After all...my sexual orientation is innate, and I am so Thankful and Proud, to be gay! :grin: And, even if being gay was a choice...I would still chose to be gay, without a shadow of a doubt; because loving a man, and being in an exclusive homosexual relationship; is something that I desire above all else. I can recall at the age of nine, excitingly day dreaming of having a boyfriend, and one day even being married to a man.
    The fears that I have at night, mostly, are of all those in society and such, that make me feel incredibly alone, and even forced; to suppress my innate homosexuality. I really resent religions, and society, for alienating us gay and lesbian individuals, and trying to force us to be EVERYTHING that we are not!
     
  13. AKTodd

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    I've been out as gay for over 20yrs now and never had this issue. Before my first time with a guy I never once felt any desire for a woman. They just aren't there for me that way.

    Beyond that, I spent most of 10yrs of my childhoold (8-18) having most of the people in my peer group and a lot of adults trying to get me to change to fit their ideas of how I should be (not orientation, but liking to do what they thought I should). I spent most of those 10yrs telling them not just 'no' but "Hell, No". So don't have a lot of concerns about what the rank and file think about much of anything. My family and friends will support me regardless of what I am, so no worries there either.

    Todd
     
  14. Snowball

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    I've been out as gay a long time, over 20 years too and never had this kind of problem. But as a young girl when the others was bullying me I was hoping it...
     
  15. Britishskittles

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    When I was younger I worried that I would come out as a lesbian and the fall for a man, so I put off coming out , I guess because My parents tried to convince me that sexuality was a phase and everyone had same sex feelings as a teenager, so somewhere I thought mayby it was and I would wake up bisexual or straight, but now no I am old enough to know that I am a lesbian and its not going to change
     
  16. Dans le placard

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    I think I feared this too when in the closet. For a while, I thought I was bisexual (and I probably do still fit around a 4 on the Kinsey Scale), but I was scared about outing myself then because I was worried that it might put off potential partners, both male and female. At the same time, I also worried that I may end up marrying a sweet, naive female and then accidentally wreck both our lives somewhere down the line because I was suppressing my own sexuality. So basically I went nowhere with sex and relationships. :icon_wink

    But really, remember this with regards to yourself and the homophobic comments and articles you've stumbled across. You can't change yourself to fit somebody else's specification. You deserve happiness, and the fact that they're prejudiced about something that has no bearing on their lives makes them the ones in the wrong, not you.
     
  17. evora

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    Thanks everyone for your replies!:newcolor:
     
  18. Gazza123

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    I didn't quite acknowledge the fact that I was gay until I was about 17/18 and then I didn't come out till I was 22... so a long time with it all bottled up and no one to talk to about it. I wouldn't say I had a fear of wanting to be with the opposite sex but it was more of a denial thing like "what if this is only a phase and I find one day that I don't like guys anymore"

    But the more I thought about it the more that sounded stupid and when I did come out... I never more sure that I was gay. Just sometimes I wonder why I am gay and not straight but that's about it