How do I deal with an anxiety/anger Trigger?

Sorry if this isn't in the right place, but this looked to be the thread with the most related subject matter. And I tend to ramble, so I'm going to make this story as short as possible. (Just finished typing. Sorry, it was longer than expected!) Feel free to ask for anything to clarify

It's a fairly minor thing, I feel bad even asking for help about it, but a year ago I was at a friend's birthday party (She was turning 22, I was/am 21). I had a hot dog and a kebab on a plate in front of me; I grabbed the kebab, turned my back, and talked to people while eating it. When I went back for the hotdog, like a second before I put it in my mouth, I notice someone had taken a bite out of it.

I just kind of stood, dumbfounded, and assumed that maybe my friend's cousin (5 years old) took a bite out of it. It turned out it was her uncle, (40 years old), who then proceeded to make fun of me for the rest of the party (~1 hr) about it. I couldn't just get a new one, that was the last one, and it was also cooked perfectly.

I didn't do anything after that, I just kind of froze, but when I got home I had ... I don't even know how to describe it? Maybe a tantrum? I was yelling and screaming to my parents (not at them, it wasn't their fault) just stuff like "What kind of [string of expletives] would do that?" kind of thing, but definitely WAY overreacted considering the situation.

Now it's my friends birthday again in two weeks, and I'm sure her uncle will be there. I don't want to say anything to her, because she's kind of sheltered and wouldn't be able to do anything about it anyways. I don't want to avoid the party altogether, because I only see her once a year, and I would hate to stop seeing her based on a stupid hot dog incident.

I've seen a therapist until I graduated this past May (yay graduation!) and we've dealt with my anger, but not this situation in particular. So I'm sure I've developed strategies of dealing with this kind of thing, but I'm blanking out. My solution as to this moment has been come an hour late, leave an hour early (thus only being there for a total of two hours). BUT I was also worried that her uncle might egg me on. I wanted to know if anyone had any tips on dealing with anger, or triggering situations in general?

 

When someone keeps bothering you persistently and won't leave you alone, that's not making fun of you, that sounds more like harassment, I would be angry too. If he does it again, is there someone you can tell who can do something about it, like your friend's parents? That kind of behavior is not ok, and it's the responsibility of whoever is in charge to make sure their guests behave.

 

I've thought about it, but what can I really say? "He ate my hot dog, I had a temper tantrum about it?" Outside of an eating disorder (which I don't have), it's hard to take this kind of thing seriously.

I don't think I can do much to impact the actions of others, so I'm trying to work on things I personally can do to not have a panic attack.

 

If you see the uncle again I would calmly say to him "I would appreciate it if you respected my food and my personal space. I don't find that funny." or something like that. My mom's best friend can get annoying and step over lines constantly and I try the calm way in the beginning but it doesn't seem to get through his head and I end up reacting how you reacted to your situation after he leaves. I would just try and calmly say something and if you feel you can't do that than keep an eye on your food at all times.

If he starts saying something to you about what happened and mocking you about it again I would then say "I would appreciate it if you stopped doing that. I don't like to be teased and I'm asking you as an adult to please stop." or something like that. If he doesn't stop after that than just walk away and ignore him and try and keep your cool. And trust me I know it's easier said than done but after a while he'll get bored and go away.

 

Thanks so much for the suggestion! It's almost funny, but I guess he was so immature, it made me revert to an immature version myself (I've spent way too much time thinking of comebacks to this).

I think that's probably the best idea; it will tell him (and anyone listening) that I'm serious. And if he doesn't get it after I say it once or twice, at that point I'll leave; I don't want to miss seeing my friend, but I also don't want to disrespect her by causing a scene.

Thanks for the help!

 

I think at this point...it's done. Let it die. He shouldn't have done that, but it's too late to really bring it up.

This time keep your food guarded so he doesn't have the chance. Also, if you start to get angry...remove yourself from the situation and clam down. Communication can't happen while you're yelling. Take deep breaths.

If this is an issue that keeps coming up, I would find a good book about meditation and read it. I can suggest a few, if you want.

Good luck