I don't think I will ever accept my sexuality fully

What exactly is it that's making you feel this away about being gay - who you are?

 

If you're feeling so depressed that you're harming yourself, I would go and seek some professional help. A GP should be your first port of call (they may prescribe you some type of anti-depressants), and they may be able to pass you onto a support team for things like CBT. I've never harmed myself, but I have had some nasty bouts of depression in the past (for reasons other than my thoughts on my sexuality, though my closetedness probably didn't help), and medication along with CBT sessions really helped.

I can understand why you may not want to be gay, especially in a straight dominated world. However, you need to tell yourself that you're no less of a person for being gay. It's just a small part of you that's different. Have faith in yourself.

 

Have you ever been in love with another guy? I know it sounds cheesy, but that's what did it for me. I'd obviously had past crushes on guys, but the first time I really fell for one was earlier this year and during that phase I realized I didn't care about my sexuality. I took one large sigh of relief and it felt like ten thousand weights had been lifted from my soul. He didn't fall back sadly, but it didn't matter, because even though we don't speak now and I'm completely over him, the feeling stuck: I don't have an issue with my sexuality, and I look forward to the prospect of meeting a nice guy!
I know acceptance is different for everyone - how they get it, when they get it - but let this be an example that it will happen for you. Probably when you're not expecting it/pushing yourself to accept it. So don't push yourself, don't over-analyze it. Just live your life and things will fall into place. Good luck!

 

It doesn't work that way: you have to be comfortable with yourself even if others accept you or not. Just like you have no control over which body you were born into, who your parents were, or the fact that you're a millennial, you also won't find peace until you accept this is who you are, and that some people will hate you for it, some will love you, and some won't care at all. Wish all you want, but it won't change a thing (look at all the older, married men on EC who have lived lies for decades).

Everything you've said is common for those struggling to accept their sexuality, and while cliche, things will get better if you hang on. In fact, it's healthy to let yourself experience and acknowledge these thoughts and emotions... you're human and have weaknesses, limits, fears..

This coming from someone who regularly suffers anxiety and depression (the type that lasts weeks), especially since exploring same-sex attractions.

 

I remember for me, when I was coming to terms with accepting myself, I just thought "I am fully accepting of gay people. I would and have argued for their rights. I would never judge a gay person. I know there is nothing wrong with being gay. So why belittle myself for being gay?"

Try imagining if from the time that you were a kid, all the other kids thought gay people were the coolest people ever. Are these anti-gay thoughts your thoughts, or the thoughts of stupid people who said lots of anti-gay things while you were growing up?

Maybe you don't fully understand your sexuality yet (or gender. gender and sexuality are actually two different things as I have learned). If that's the case then that is tough. There is no easy way to tell your exact sexuality. Also, there are so many different types of "gay". Litterally, there is an infinate amount of types of sexualty because everyone is different.

Just remember, most people are stupid. EXTREMELY STUPID!!! And the stupidest people are also the loudest people. Don't let them influence your thoughts and ideas. Why let stupid people control what you think?

 

You need to accept you can never be straight. I am not out yet, but I am the same age and dealing with the same thing. Though maybe from a young age; I've known I was gay for over 10 years.

My biggest problem is being awkward in social situations because I just can't believe that people don't care I am gay, but it really is the opposite. Most people don't care, and you only make it awkward by interpreting things the wrong way.

You may not be able to accept it right away, but learning to live with it, and know there is nothing you can do but make your situation better is the first step you should take. Stop focusing on trying to swallow being gay in one go, this process can take years, but you need to first just love yourself and try to make your situation better. If that means still wanting to be straight than so be it, I would love to be straight, but I would also love a million dollars, and neither of those are going to happen so I mind as well literally count my blessing and get on with it.

Try comparing your problems to people with actual more serious problems like ; disease, lack of water, lack of food, being in a war torn country, having a serious disability, having a serious mental disorder, the list goes on, there are millions of people with worse problems that are moving on, and so should you.

Sub-saharan Africa isn't full of depression, neither is Third-World South America, or Asia, they have poverty, disease, human right issues, war and hunger, yet these peoples mind are better than a lot of gay people in the western world.

Why is this> We are spoiled. We haven't felt hardship besides being a social minority that is discriminated against, so when one bad thing happens we can't cope because in the west, your life should be perfect. But try imaging being gay in Iraq where it is illegal, or the Congo where you can't get a bite to eat. You won't even worry about being gay you would only be worried about having food.

So we have all this time and energy to waste focusing on our one single problem, and that is being gay. No wonder it seems impossible to get over, we really don't understand how hard life can be, and just want a piece of what our peers have which is pure happiness.

The only argument against what I have said is that at least the third-world has their entire community to fall back on and have people that they can identify with. For a gay person wherever you are you can't fall on your entire community to understand your problems like a starving african can go to another starving african and have the complete understanding of eachother which can help.

So what you need to do is get a sense of community, so you really don't have any reason to feel the way you do. If that means moving to a more gay friendly area so be it, but at least then you can extinguish your thoughts knowing that your life can't really get any better, you've done all you can, and at least you have the option to move and have a better life when millions or billions of people on this planet don't get that luxury, and believe me there are gay people in that impoverished billions.

This isn't a quit bitching post, but I find taking away meaning from your problems really does size them down to proportion. Everyone deserves to complain and I am sure your life isn't the greatest, neither is mine, but it could be worse, and this may be one of the only situations when saying "it could be worse" actual does have some merit, because though life for gay people isn't perfect, being a gay man in the western world isn't nearly as bad as being a ______ in the third world.

 

Is it kind of the mindset of, "gay looks good on other people, just not me"?

If so, I've been there. I think it's definitely a self-esteem issue, in my case at least.