Does anyone else feel intense shame when someone suggests they said something only appropriate for adults in the presence of children? I got mildly told off on this one forum for linking to a post on my blog when another post (made around the same time) was focused on Clitoris Awareness Week. (Ironically, the post was about me realizing that it's unhealthy to be ashamed of having genitalia.) I don't think I was in that much trouble, it was just a friendly warning, but I'm feeling intensely ashamed of it. I reverted the post to draft and asked if I could link to my blog again, but that hasn't stopped me from sobbing so hard I can barely see to write this. I don't seem to be able to accept the idea of certain things I say or write being only appropriate for certain audiences. Whenever I get told that, I feel convinced that I shouldn't have said/written that thing at all, and I'm a horrible person for having done so.
You're not horrible. Calm down, you did nothing wrong. You got a warning because you're not allowed to link outside blogs on this forum for the safety of people or something. See that big yellow banner that says "STOP and READ THIS"? Or maybe you knew that and I just misread this thread. Either way, I feel like this forum is an ok place to talk about those kinds of things to younger teenagers. It looks like a lot of younger people come here because they're looking for help and thats great that they can find it here. Living as or figuring out if you're an LGBTQ person is extremely confusing and can drive you crazy. I have yet to see anyone on this site try to be creepy or hit on anyone or anything like that. I think what's appropriate and not appropriate is dependant on the situation and in the situation you described, it sounds like you're in the clear. Don't beat yourself up, you did nothing wrong
I'd just like to clarify that I'm not talking about this forum - the forum I got in trouble on was a forum about one of my favorite video game series. They're fine with linking to outside blogs, but I got a warning because some of the people who play this game are under 13.
OK, now I'm mad instead. I just got a message telling me that the problem with linking to my blog was not the 'clitoris awareness' post, but the fact that my 'about me' section says I was sexually abused. Apparently just mentioning those words is not appropriate for children. This attitude of silence around sexual abuse contributes to shame for victims of the abuse, as well as putting children at risk because they don't know they can say no or tell someone.
It sounds like the forum you're on are a bunch of uptight people, to be honest. Simply mentioning that one is a sexual abuse survivor should not be a problem; my guess is whomever made that call at the other forum has some resonance with the issue. But the bigger issue for you is the shame involved and your feelings about what happened. It would be normal to feel a little guilty for having done something you shouldn't have done (putting aside the fact you *didn't* do anything wrong), but when you feel horrible and are obsessing over it, that's an indication there are some deep shame issues. Many abuse survivors struggle with perfectionism, and Brené Brown calls perfectionism "the 50 ton shield." We use perfectionism to hide and numb a fundamental sense that we aren't worthy, aren't good enough, aren't loveable... and that, too, is a common byproduct of being abused. I think you'd find some real benefit in checking out Brené's "The Power of Vulnerability" TED talk on Youtube, and if that resonates with you, check out "The Price of Invulnerability and "Listening to Shame" (All TED talks available on youtube. The effects of sexual abuse can be long lasting and can affect us in many ways. I don't know how much therapy or work you've done on it, but therapy with a therapist with extensive experience working with abuse survivors is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. It will be life-changing in helping you to overcome the feelings of shame and imperfection.
