Depression or Laziness?

I feel the same way. I used to be a great student back in 9th grade, but as soon as I 'went up a notch' in school and moved away from home and at the same time realizing I'm gay, things have been going downhill. I rarely feel good about something I've done, and I see no point in doing things because I feel like I'm not getting anywhere and I don't know where I want to get either. I see all the people around me and how serious they are about things. One of my friends started a company about a year ago and he's made A LOT of money on it. Some people are just so involved in things, and here I sit and feel like I'm doing nothing. I've been seriously depressed for like half a year now and spent more time alone, since I have a hard time feeling comfortable around people. Some of my friends I feel comfortable with, but whenever there are a lot of people I feel anxious and have no confidence. I think this has affected my schoolwork a lot and my motivation in general since I have no direction in life, and everything just feels so useless. And I don't really have anyone to talk to.

I guess I'd say it's because of the depression, because it really sucks the motivation out of you. I myself feel like I'm kinda 'stuck', if that makes any sense to you.

 

I really feel like I need to find a direction to go in, find something I really want to do with my life, a goal, and really work towards it. Right now I only feel like I'm doing it for the grades and nothing else, and that just isn't enough for me.

Maybe it's the same for you. That you need to find something you really want to do, and work towards that goal... ?

 

I also lose interest in what I do, but there's always gonna be something else you can do. Maybe you should try getting more involved in the things you want to do. I mean like really try it for a while and see if you like it. The first steps towards things are always the hardest. The fun doesn't really start until you see results I guess :s That's usually how I feel.

 

It's like that at the start. At least some things for me. Like working out for example. I've always felt a dislike to working out, like I'm lazy or something. But the thing that keeps me doing it is the feeling I get afterwards. I feel like I accomplished something, and I feel better about myself. But I understand what you're saying about feeling lazy. In the end I think it's mostly because of depression, at least for me. Because of my depression I see no reason to do stuff and just want to lay in bed. But I've thought about it, and often when I'm laying bed all day and skipping school I just feel worse. I've noticed I often feel a lot better when going to school, and doing things. Might not be the best advice, but I'm not the best person to ask since I have the same problems myself. This is just some things I've noticed about the whole deal.

 

Well, being depressed doesn't have to mean you feel sad.

On the contrary, I've probably been depressed on and off for a while now, but I never really feel sad. I'm either angry at the world or too indifferent to care about anything.

 

That's not laziness, that's depression, though I suppose it's a lot easier to downplay your problems and chalk it up to a lack of motivation or choice. Which sounds worse, 'I have a serious problem that's stopping me from getting out of bed and complete homework' or, 'I'm lazy'?

First, you've noticed a drastic change in your life, and two, you say you feel stuck. One of the key traits of depression, besides lack of interest in life itself, is noticing a huge shift in routine. Being depressed, you probably take it in stride, but many people will also mention a lack of interest in things that used to bring them happiness before.

Now what caused it in you, I can't say for certain, but I will say that depression usually isn't permanent, even for those of us with imbalances. For me, the episodes last days or weeks, but eventually die down, and that's when I take advantage of my new found freedom and try to make up for loss time.

 

This was me for a few months at the end of last year, and I've kind of been slipping into one of these phases again lately. I'm pretty sure it's depression, but like you, I don't really feel sad, I just feel like there's nothing in my life that interests me or that is worth doing so I just lock myself away for a while and do nothing at all.

 

Well, just because it's been going on for a while doesn't make it healthy or normal for you. It's possible for a situation or environment to make you depressed more often than not, to the point it seems just another character trait. You seem to notice it's been going on for a set amount of time, and that it's interfered with at least one interest of yours, so I have to wonder if any of this involves sexuality?

 

It's definitely worth considering... denial, confusion, and unacceptance from family.. they can all make the coming out process even more difficult. Were you depressed before realizing same-sex feelings? What of during the time you were questioning? It was bittersweet for me.