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Help, want to die.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by agonizingnose, May 30, 2013.

  1. agonizingnose

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    Ok I just thought I got over the worst of my depression but it just hit total shit-storm. I have a handfull of pills and several times I came close to swollowing them, I don't know if I can or can't do it, and I'm scared and I dont know what to do and I don't have a mobile so I can't get a helpline and noone's on facebook and I'm really, really scared. Help me, please.
     
  2. FemCasanova

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    (*hug*)

    When you feel like you are close to swallowing those pills, you need to take a deep breath and move yourself physically to somewhere else. I know how you feel, depression is a c*** and it can suck all the joy and happiness out of us, until we feel almost desperate for it all to just stop. However, suicide is not the easy way out, it`s the only permanent mistake we cannot move past. There are several factors you need to consider. Firstly, taking a bunch of pills rarely kills a person. What it can do, and does often, is cause severe damage to your body and possibly your brain. The situation and emotions you are struggling with right now, it will pass and can be overcome. Depression is temporary, suicide is permanent. Taking a bunch of pills can make that struggle 1000 times worse, not easier!

    Secondly, you are only 14 years old. What you have in your bag of experiences is nothing compared to what you could have in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years. Suicide means the permanent end of hope, opportunity and a waste of that one chance we get to achieve happiness and peace of mind. Right now I know that it`s almost impossible to see that. You`re thinking that it`s not worth it, that life`s just so hard and you cannot bear it. But you are not alone, so many of us have been where you are right now. It took me 2 years to overcome my depression, but who I am today is a lot stronger, wiser, happier and better equipped than who I was then. And 2 years of fighting was worth it, considering that what I had to gain was the rest of my life. Depression is a deep well of darkness. We can`t see anything on the surface until we manage to climb up to the edge and peek above it. But just because you cannot see the hope, the options, the alternatives, the possible joys, doesn`t mean it`s not there. Getting through depression and taking steps towards recovery was tough, but life is worth it. When you get better, when you get to peek over the edge, take off those depression goggles that makes it hard to hope for anything, you`ll see that it was worth every step on the way, even if it sometimes was two steps forward and then one step back. Since I recovered I`ve gone back-packing, experienced having people in my life who love me, found peace and acceptance. I am not saying I am "cured", I have tough days like most other people. And sometimes people struggle with depression for a long, long time. But life is worth fighting for, and you are worth fighting for. Those thoughts telling you otherwise is a symptom of depression, not facts of life.

    I hope you have a therapist/counselor, someone you can talk to. If not, you need to find someone. Talk to your parents, a sibling or a school counselor. Depression is an internal struggle, it requires external help. You can`t go through it alone! Be honest about how you feel with those who care about you. Care about yourself! That critical voice in the back of your mind that is putting you down and telling you it`s all worthless, is part of the depression-monster. Consider it the devil on your right shoulder. It lies, it hurts, everything it can to stop you from climbing up from that well. Get help, find someone to talk to! You have your entire life ahead of you, and you haven`t experienced a quarter of the wonderful things it has to offer.

    A few small tricks can help. If you have sleep-issues, try to work on that. Do a google search on tips that can help you sleep. Don`t ignore your own needs, shower, eat right (even if you don`t want to, eat!), take care of your physical and emotional needs. You need an ally on your left shoulder, a part of you that care about yourself. Get exercise. Take long walks, or runs. Listen to music. If you need a good cry, listen to sad music. If you feel like you have no energy, find something up-tempo. Watch some good movies, same applies. Nothing helps quite like a good cry. Don`t shove it back down into your chest. You could get a diary, where you write down how you feel, what bothers you, how your day has been. It`s a good tool to get the negative thoughts out of your mind, and those emotions off your chest. All these things help you, because depression cause us to self-sabotage, we start neglecting our own needs, make ourselves more vulnerable, makes it hard to focus. Also, avoid isolating. Do you have good friends, or friends as of a general, who you could spend time with? How long have you felt like this? I am here if you need someone to talk to!

    Hang on in there, you`re not alone.
    (*hug*)
     
  3. agonizingnose

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    Thanks, really it's nice to see someone out there, as you can see I'm still here, I have a few cuts on my arm but I'm still here. I don't have anyone to talk to, my only friend moved away and I don't trust anyone (not even my parents) and I guess talking would be nice if you don't mind?
     
  4. Rose27

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    Hey! I'm here -your EC Mama! What have I said before? Don't make the old lady cry with worry! Hugs. I care!

    ---------- Post added 30th May 2013 at 04:14 AM ----------

    Please! Please! Find a way to get help! Your an awesome kid with an awesome future. You have to believe that. If you feel you can't love yourself right now remember you have this EC family that cares and loves you 'cause your you! Hugs
     
  5. EllieAugust

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    Hi Agonizingnose,

    I've been there! And sometimes it feels like nothing can help, but what I have realized is that I don't really want to die-- I just want the pain to stop! Death doesn't stop the pain, it stops everything... there are other solutions!

    Often the only thing that really works for me is to wait it out. Being in nature, expressing myself through art, and journaling my feelings also really help. Often, though, the feelings just go away as suddenly as they came. I know it is especially frustrating that you just overcame a depression, and you see that it is back, but that means you can (and WILL) overcome it again.

    You say you don't want to talk to your parents, but maybe you could find a way to let them know how you feel. They might surprise you with their reactions and it so helps to talk to people who love you unconditionally. I personally went on medication and feel like an entirely different person now. This might be an option to discuss with your doctor too, if you really don't trust your parents. A doctor can also recommend FREE, CONFIDENTIAL counseling, which might be very beneficial.

    Let you surprise yourself with your resiliency, and let others surprise you with their kindness. Life is a beautiful thing, you just are in a place where you can't see that right now.

    (*hug*)
    - Ellie
     
  6. Rose27

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    (*hug*)Listen to EllieAugust- Wise Woman! (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
     
  7. Argentwing

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    Hey OP. Do you really think swallowing those pills is a better idea than beating all the problems you have? It would mean missing out on all the wonder of life that you've only just faintly glimpsed. If you stay alive and keep trudging, it might suck A LOT, maybe even for a long time. But you might win, and you'll feel like you can freaking fly. But if you go ahead and off yourself for the easy relief, there will be no winning.

    Not that anyone can talk from experience about what it's like to be dead, but life's worth trying first. So even if you're in agony and seemingly alone, give it a shot. :slight_smile: At least you picked one of the better sites for telling people how badly you're struggling.
     
  8. Browncoat

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    I've been there. Hell I'm halfway there right now.


    I'm a terrible pep talker, I'm afraid. But I can assure you one thing:


    No matter how terrifyingly awful I feel right now, how suicidal I've ever been in the past, nor how awful I could potentially feel one day in the future - there will always be a day that you are fully happy and joyous, and look back on such days in bewilderment and wonder at how you could have possibly been there.

    This time will pass. And you will be able to move on and live to wonder how you ever got to your current point. There will always be a better day to be had, and damn it, that alone is worth it.

    But if nothing else: (*hug*). Feel better tomorrow! :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Browncoat, May 30, 2013
    Last edited: May 30, 2013
  9. agonizingnose

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    thankyou for all the suppourt, it means alot. As you can see I'm still pretty not dead, so yeah, thanks guys.
     
  10. Argentwing

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    (*hug*)You made it through the worst part, congrats. See? There is some strength left in you!
     
  11. Colcha

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    Don't do it! I was there about a month ago and thankfully pulled myself out. I researched ways to commit suicide. The less painful the better for me. But everyway way is going to be painful and I was in so much pain then, I didn't want physical pain nor did I want to cause pain to my family. I just couldn't kick the chair away. It sucks when you sink and it takes a while to overcome that feeling. Think of us as your family who really cares - I know I care.
     
  12. wandergirl

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    Hello, i'm here as well! (*hug*)
    hm i don't have much to say but i can tell u it can get better.
    are u just taking prescription pills or are u going to therapy as well?
    actually pills don't end your pain or solve your problems, it's just gonna change your body so it makes u feel better. i'd advise you looking for a talk therapy, somewhere u could release this pain u feel out in words. this is what really helps!

    U can also try engaging some activity, like playing an instrument, sport or at least trying to go for a walk in a park when the weather is nice, it's better than staying at home!

    Anyway, send me a private message if u feel like!

    :kiss: