Hey all. About a month ago myself and my boyfriend broke up, it seemed mutual as we'd both been having doubts about the relationship (almost the same doubts it turned out) and we both moved on pretty quickly (at least I did and he seemed to although he was adamant he would be staying single for a long time). I found out not long ago that he's now going out with one of my exes and has been talking all about the issues he had with me to him (I found out from talking to my ex, he volunteered the information freely). I was a bit miffed and tried explaining to my recent ex that I'd prefer it if he had spoken to me about those doubts and issues before telling his latest bf. His responses vacillated between aggressive and conciliatory at one and the same time attacking me for causing his doubts in out relationship and apologising for doing so and for not talking to me first before telling his new bf (my other ex who I'm still friendly with). The issue I'm having (in addition to that mild annoyance above) is that throughout my relationship with him he would drop hints that he didn't trust me (he got angry when he found out I'd made out with a guy a week before we were meeting up despite our meeting being as friends not as a date and I was single at the time) and he outright stated he didn't trust me yet. As the relationship went on he would drop the occasional reference to that event but wouldn't elaborate on it, essentially reminding me he didn't trust me. The problem I'm having is that during our relationship he was in contact with my ex (the one he's currently seeing) and I had no issue with it because I trusted him but looking at everything that's happened I'm getting suspicious: He was in contact with my ex during our relationship Our breakup was sudden and quick with no arguments or attempts to fix it from him (he almost seemed like he wanted to end it asap) He claimed he wasn't interested in seeing anyone for a very long time and that the next time he wanted a relationship he would spend a lot of time in person as friends with the person before getting together, however, he got together with my ex after their first meeting exactly the same as he did with me. It all makes me wonder if he had designs on my ex the whole time and was just looking for a quick way to end things so he could move on or (this worries me a lot more) he's rebounding onto my ex despite how fine and over things he seemed. I guess I just needed to write all this out so I could see my thoughts on (digital) paper and to see what you think? Was he just waiting to get away from me so he could get into my ex? Was it just a coincidence? Or is he rebounding and should I say something? Thanks.
If you've now broken up, leave it be. It's done, and trying to move on is best. You worrying about this makes it seem like you aren't quite over things. If he didn't trust you, then it might be better off as an ended relationship. Let sleeping dogs lie.
I agree with Pain. As much as it sucks to think about whether or not he already had his eyes on someone else... it is what it is, and the bottom line is, he sounds like someone who needed to do a lot of self-work anyway. Jealousy always underlies a deeply held sense of shame and lack of self-worth, and it's essentially impossible to be in a healthy relationship with anyone who doesn't love themselves. So I'd suggest you focus on moving forward.
