So I am 23, I have a decent job, I get paid alright and well life should be good. I have a boyfriend, I get hit on all the time by guys so I must look alright. But I for no good reason hate myself, I push my boyfriend away all the time, my family I avoid speaking to and (to them) I just disappear for a day or so and then appear with bloody arms from me cutting myself. I eat very irregular now and on some days skip food all together. I once told them that I want to die (sometimes I do) and now they are always on my back. I have seen sense on my own and went to the doctor the other day who has put me into therapy . I just feel bad I have hurt others by being such a pratt, my boyfriend is terrified that he is one day going to get a visit from the Gardai (irish police) saying that I was found dead or in hospital. I am scared about therapy, I know if it doesn't work they will probably go down the psychiatric route which scares me even more
The most important thing Fella, is that you have recognized that you have got a problem & you have sought help, you have reached rock bottom & there is only one way to go now & that is up, talking to someone about your problems & getting to the root of your problems can only be good for you, if the therapist can pin point where your problem originated from, they should be able to help you lay it to rest & help you to move on
You don't sound like a self-centered jerk to me. You sound like someone that is dealing with depression. I'm glad to hear that you will be entering therapy. It can be scary to enter therapy. The thing about therapy is that there are many different types. If one therapy doesn't seem to be effective, there are a variety of other therapies that are available. When you say psychiatric route, do you mean hospitalization? If so, doctors don't want to do that and they avoid it when possible. I do some volunteer work to help people with mental illness and/or people in crisis. The doctors I came in contact with saw involuntary commitment as a last resort. It isn't easy to commit someone so they don't do it for fun. Hospitalization is usually used when you express the intent to kill yourself during a certain time frame and you have the means available. The exact rules vary be country. If this is something that you're concerned about you can always discuss it with your therapist. Also, I hope you know that your boyfriend and family are on your back because they care. Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help!
In that case, can't you chose not to take medication? I'm not sure about the laws where you are but that is a common choice where I'm from. This is another issue that you should discuss with your therapist. In the beginning, you can take some time to tell your therapist what concerns you have (taking medication and other concerns you have) and what you expect from therapy. Talking about these things early on should help
If you have a good therapist, in most cases, unless you are severely depressed to the point of having difficulty in functioning, or equally severe anxiety, there are options other than medication. Psychotropic drugs are widely and extremely overprescribed, so you're right to be cautious. It may be appropriate *if* you have a severe issue, but if you and your therapist agree that you can approach this without drugs, you're better off doing so. And... you're not a jerk at all. Everything your describing originates in a place of shame and low self-esteem. Once you work on those issues and address the underlying issues that drive the shame and low esteem, I think you'll be pretty surprised how quickly things can change for you. If you haven't done so already, please take 20 minutes and check out Brené Brown's amazing TED talk "The Power of Vulnerability" on Youtube. It speaks to many of the underlying issues you may be feeling, and I think it will resonate for you. If so, there are a number of other videos she's done, as well as several books. And... one of the best things you can do for yourself is to continue talking about the issues, here and in therapy.
Yeah we can refuse. But I want to get better so I would take them if they thought they would help me, I am just anxious of them that is all. Its just the idea of chemicals influencing my brain makes me slightly unsettled about it thats all
Therapy could be great for you. I say "could" because it depends if you decide to make full use of it to explore what is going on with you. I hope you get a good therapist that you can trust - and open up to - about everything that is going on. Meds... if you can get by without them, then fine. I have had periods of being on and off them. (I take the view that they have their uses and going on them is not necessarily for ever). For example, if one of your issues is the feeling of anxiety.. then a short course of something might be useful to calm you down. Without necessarily turning you in to a zombie. Anyway I hope it goes well ... keep us posted
