Hi, everyone, I am new in this forum and I am glad to read so many thread with difficult issue which are so related to me as well as all the gay community. It has been long time for me to adapt myself as a gay man. It was a long journey to figure out how to balance my life with this sexual orientation which definitely not an easy task. I read a lot to understand myself and the purpose behind all this. I believe everything happen with reason, as well as the reason why I was born as gay. I cried a lot when I was felt so despair, insecure and hopeless. Sometimes, I would had nightmare and woke up in shock. I still have those experiences sometimes even though I am still in the process accepting myself and try to move forward. As someone said, "Being gay is definitely not easy" and it seem true to me. I told what I interpret "gay life" to one of my close friend a few months ago; "Gay not only who you're, but also it changing you in every way about you to the degree you barely recognize at the first place" To me, it may be the hardest lesson to find balance, to be optimistic, think right and try to live as normal as I can despite we (gay) are leading to a very different path of life than any other ordinary people. It seem a destiny that being gay also is being lonely always. Of course, most people on this planet will feel lonely even though they having normal life style; married and have kids. But the loneliness for a gay man is much more intense from my experience. It seems like a big hole that sucking everything up from you. The sense of loneliness also become part of us even we manage to find our partner and expect he/she will fulfill everything we need to cover up that feeling and most of the time, it didn't work like that. Being gay? I am accepting it. Easy and health? I really try.... Best wish to you.
Same here still on a journey. Everytime i think of same sex romance i feel so dirty, and usually go down and sit in the shower while its running. Idk how long itll take for me, but its also having a mental toll on my life, sometimes i just feel so alone that i use a teddy bear and pretend its a person and cuddle it, idky though. Im not scared, but i dont know what to do, i just really wish their was a clear cut answer for me, its changing the way i think also. I have these weird urges to, dress really effeminate, hell i even looked for my moms makeup. Its been really a lonely path, and takes a mental toll.
I am going through the same process ..... I came to this forum trying to find some support and like minded people. I came out to a handful of close friends however I think most are not able to accept it ... instead of getting support ... I ended up losing friends... I opened up to some gay friends, thinking that I will finally be accepted ... however I did not fit into their circle and was not their type. One gay guy even told me .. that it is all physical attraction and if you are not their type .. you are OUT! And you will never find true love in a gay relationship as it is too physical .. blah blah.. Hence I decided to stay away and life is less complicated when i keep to myself .. however it tend to be really lonely ... I concur with Will0396 description of loneliness..... there are days when I cry myself to sleep .... so I try to keep myself busy ... busy with work .. busy with my IT gadgets .... to the extent I think I am freaking "retail therapy" addict... looking for the next new gadget to fill me up and drive away the loneliness .. however it never last ..... I dont party, dont go to bars, dont cruise the websites ... anyway stumbled on this website and I like the fact that we can find like minded people here. I also try to focus on things that I have been blessed with instead of things that I feel that are lacking in my life. We all have a choice. I am struggling as well.... but I keep telling myself ... just take one day at a time. Hang in there buddy.
thanks, sometimes its a phase and sometimes its not. ---------- Post added 3rd Jun 2013 at 12:37 AM ---------- actually, i cuddled with another guy, one of my friends, and he let me and he understands me. I had to have a pillow between my legs to hide arousal. It felt good, but i really had no connection with him and i forgot it. I was so scared and i asked him to cuddle because i trusted him and i was going through so much and i was so scared. That was like two months ago but he isnt the one for me. This is why i need to find an answer, he later slept in a sleeping bag and my feellings felt soooo right. I really need to find an answer. p.s. i tried it too see if i could find my s.o.
