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Latent Homosexuality

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by FreeFlow9917, Jun 3, 2013.

  1. FreeFlow9917

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    Hello, more questions about myself. I know that i am not straight but ive been lately in denial of being gay and having really bad reactions to my thoughts. I always thought i was attracted to women but i remember liking the same sex but never finding the term or feelings when i was younger. I always enjoyed the company of guys more than girls, and ive always felt uncomfortable around girls and found myself more emotionally attached to guys. I mean i have lady friends i can talk to but felt more aroused by guys. Ive also had a girl friend and trust me i liked her, but i was never into it, ever. It felt more like a friendship and i really was excited by her, but it didnt feel right. I felt so weird around women, and i felt like i actually repressed myself because i had these feelings with guys but no term could describe it. I mean i always had to prove i wasnt gay, but i just dont know how to feel around girls. I am so confused :icon_sad:
     
  2. Hefiel

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    It's definitively something you'll need time to accept it because of all the confusion around it. I was in a similar boat, since age 11-12 I've always had sexual attraction to males, but emotional attraction to females, so I brushed off my attraction to males as "just a phase". Fell in love with 3 girls, but 1 in particular I had very strong attachment to, and we were pretty close. Although I asked the 2 other girls out (and failed), I was never able to tell this girl about my feelings for her. My sexual attraction to males had always been at the back of my head, and I had already stopped watching straight porn and changed to gay porn (since I was only interested by the man in straight porn). However, I was not gay! I liked a girl! or so I was leading myself to believe.

    Eventually I lost all attraction towards females. I'm only interested both emotionally and sexually to males now. I suspect my attraction to females was more of a "social conditioning" as I only learned of homosexuality later on in my teens (15-16). You never really see gays on TV or other media, so you grow up never knowing of that possibility, and it leaves a lot of people really confused about their sexual orientation when they realize that there's something different about them compared to other people.

    It took me 10 years to figure out my sexuality because I had no support or knowledge of different sexual orientation, and when I finally learned of homosexuality, my feelings for a girl just threw me into an even more confused state that lasted for quite a while. Earlier this year though, I decided to stop lying to myself and call a spade a spade. For the last 2 years or so before I came out to myself, I had been noticing guys left and right and was getting seriously aroused, even had a crush on a guy I'd see on a daily basis in the city bus. There's just no way I could be straight, and since I have no attraction to females anymore I couldn't be Bisexual either. I was definitively gay, and later tested 6 on Kinsey.

    You'll need to take your time figuring things out, however I suggest you try not to deny your attraction towards males. That attraction is real, and no amount of denying will make it disappear. I know that there is still a fairly negative feeling towards homosexuality in many parts of the US, but there's nothing wrong with homosexuality.
     
  3. FreeFlow9917

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    Thank you for advice :slight_smile:
     
  4. lostman

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    Thanks for sharing ... Hefiel and MentalMe9917 ... at least you guys figured it out at such a young age. For me it was more of the social taboo and strong religious background which kept me from coming out to myself. However now at 42 ... I decided that I will stop lying to myself. I had to make peace with myself before I go insane.

    It can get really lonely at times ... hope that you will find a good group of friends who are supportive and who can accept you the way you are. Take care.