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What am I doing in life?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Maea96, Jun 4, 2013.

  1. Maea96

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    So this is a post filled with my current thoughts and worries. Feel free to skip it if it's boring, I won't blame you. It is negative, to say the least.

    So I just had my exam today. In media and communication. We got 2 grades, one for media and communication, and one for our "norwegian" (like if you were to get an english grade, just that I'm from norway so..)

    I worked hard for this, but got a grade 3 in media & communication and 4 in norwegian. In other country-schools I guess it's called D and a C. I had an examinator from another school which was incredibly strict and excuse my language, a bitch
    I don't know. My friends got 6's and 5's, all of them, because they are good with this I guess. I worry that I won't come in next year. All my friends will.

    I don't have friends that hug me when something bad has happened. I have come out to them as bi, but they are not interested in how I'm feeling at all. I hugged one of them, but that sadly didn't make me feel better. She was about to run to her boyfriend anyway overly-happy about her two 6's.

    No one knows how hard I struggle. And I bet telling them would only make them view me as a whiner. My sister tells me that I whine to people too much, but I only do that because my life is complicated and I'm lonely on the inside. I don't whine that much anyway, not about what really matters.

    I try to be strong, think ahead of time when I will get a boyfriend possibly and be happy. But that's not how it is. Summer vacation starts soon, and I don't know what to do. I'm going to florida with my family. I should probably think it's fun, (and I do indeed) but, I don't know.

    I try to always be happy, to show my good side. But I feel like I get nothing in return. all my friends have a boyfriend/girlfriend, I can't find an LBGT-group in my city. I am at the point where I could tell my sister that I'm bi, but something is stopping me. always. My parents know, but I don't really talk about it with them.

    My life isn't that bad, really. I have perfect health, (not been sick for over a year) and I do have "friends" I can talk to. But I just don't know what to believe in anymore. My life feels crappy.

    Sorry for this boring post. I know there are people there suffering from hurting themselves and such, and I don't really matter that much. I honestly know that things will get better, but I have been a mental mess for the whole school-year and I don't know if I can continue to live in an imagination. I don't want to cry in front of people, but I actually do. I feel like I'm slowly losing myself.
     
  2. timemage

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    i know that feeling of being "had done your best but still left behind"
    its okay to whine a lot, as long as you still work hard to climb your way to the top
    just like crying, whining doesn't solve anything, but (for some people) it will make you feels better
    so stop worrying and enjoy your summer vacation as you need lots of positive energy to store for next school semester
    put this in your mind, some people have good start but sad ending, and some have worst start but surprisingly good ending,
    so lets just say you have a worst start, so you have to work you ass of harder than the other to have a good ending. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Lexington

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    1. Go to Florida. Have a good time. Say hi to everyone at Disney World for me. :slight_smile:

    2. If you're ordinarily a good student who does well, and if you're going back to school next year (that's not entirely clear from your post), simply redouble your efforts. Go kick so much next year that nobody remembers how you did the previous year.

    3. Do you feel at least somewhat close to any of your friends? You should be able to at least take one aside at some convenient time and say "I've got a lot of stuff on my mind, and I feel like I need to talk to someone about it. Can I talk to you?" If they act dismissive, tell them never mind, cross them off the mental list, and ask somebody else.

    Go kick ass. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. Maea96

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    The thing is, a few of them were my mutual childhood friends. But they are slowly disconnecting from my life. I have tried to talk with them, but all they really seem to say it "that's sad, I know how you feel." and then they come up with some crap like "well, I am depressed too, when my boyfriend doesn't show up to school. makes me feel sad because the others have good boyfriends that come to school and I have to watch them be all lovey-dovey, when my boyfriend doesn't come to school.

    really? And they never talk about it with me. I have to bring up the discussion, always. And when that happens they just sit there and do nothing else but feel pity for me, but not doing a shit about it, because they have a boyfriend and very good grades and simply coul

    it's sad, really.
    I want to do a huge effort to bring myself to happiness, but I don't know where to start.

    ---------- Post added 5th Jun 2013 at 02:45 PM ----------

    I really hope so too. I can't wait to go to florida and be there :slight_smile: I don't know what's fun to do with your family there, but I want to buy some nice clothes, and we're going to disney land/world w/e it's called. I might even go to a pride store and buy something to wear, if they have one that is. And it depends if I've come out to my sister or not before the vacation, which I haven't.

    I want to start next semester fresh, so that means being fully open about my sexuality. I'm not yet, but it's getting there. I just wish I had friends that ACTUALLY cared about me. oh well.
     
    #4 Maea96, Jun 5, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2013