Hey. I'm really depressed right now. All my friends are dating and having a great time and I will never be able to experience that joy. I would have to come out, and I can't do that because my friends and family would hate me. I've been told that if they don't love me for who I am I should not be around them. It's really hard imagining a future after college without having friends or family. Coming out would make me even more miserable than I already am. I wouldn't be able to live with my descion to be an openly homosexual person. I'd say that the vast majority of people hate gays and think that they go to hell. Honestly, I feel as if my existence is completely worthless, and I don't matter to anyone. Sorry if this has been a rant, but I really am miserable now.
Hey, first off no one hates you. Your friends and family all love you right? I was at the same crossroads you are standing at right now and I chose the road where I had to be uncomfortable for a little while and let myself be seen as who I was. Believe me, I understand the apprehension and fear you're feeling and it physically hurts. I had expected everyone to disown and leave me but to be absolutely truthful, not one person has hated me. Now yes you will have some people distance themselves from you but who really cares what they think. If you are standing at your closet door wanting to see outside, just close your eyes and push. As soon as you tell one person you will feel so much better. I get the feeling whenever you start to tell people who you are, at least a few will start laughing and tell you "I knew it!" You are loved by many people, never forget these words. If your parents don't react that well just know that you are their child and they love you.
I can't predict the reactions of all your friends and family, but more often than not at least some (or maybe even a lot) will be supportive. Including some who you wouldn't expect. Even in the worst case scenario (not going to lie, those can happen), Alabama is not the universe and your friends and family are not the only people in the world. There are a lot of places in the world where no one will care if you are gay. There are a lot of people in the world who will be happy to be your friend regardless of your orientation. You mention going to college - depending on where you are going, the odds are good that you will make new friends - and that you might even find yourself in one of those places where there are lots of people who will like you for you and won't care what your orientation is. The main trick here is to shape your life in a direction that leads to you living in circumstances where you can be fully yourself. So even if you can't come out right this second, you can look forward to a point in your life when you can. Hope this helps, Todd
