How do I stop being envious/jealous of what other people have? (Look wise)

I try to look at it this way: They may be thinking the same "wish I had that feature/look" about you.

 

How many people do you pass on the street and judge as unlikable, ugly, downright losers? I'd be willing to bet that number is close to zero, if not on the mark itself. That's not because you're the worst person in your area; it's because you probably have too poor an opinion of yourself. Unless you're talking horribly disfigured, personal features can always be made to look good to at least somebody. And on the opposite side, "ugly" is most times just a poor taste in hairstyle and clothing

EDIT: Sorry for creeping but I looked at your profile pic. Whoever called you ugly should borrow your glasses for a second.

 

It sounds like you have some self-esteem issues, but also that you also know you have these issues and were working on them (or preparing to) with your counselor.

Some thoughts:

a) With time and some of the counseling it sounds like you will eventually be getting, these feelings will reduce, or perhaps even go away entirely. In the meantime, if you just know they are there, you can often combat them. When you're feeling down on yourself, try flat out telling yourself to stop it, that you're just being down on yourself, and to try to move past it. Basically, knowing yourself and what your quirks are can often help to mediate them (speaking from experience here).

b) It's possible to turn this particular 'bug' into a 'feature' in some cases. You say one of your issues is that other guys have better bodies than you do. So go to the gym, or taking up running or swimming or something that will help you get a better body. Use that feeling of dissatisfaction to prod yourself to go work out or practice even when you don't want to. Look at a guy and see that he has a better body and then use that image to drive you that little bit further on your next workout. Basically, if you're going to feel bad about yourself, you might as well get some good out of it. And with time, the results of pushing yourself will have you liking what you see in the mirror a lot more (or whatever other thing you don't like but can work on).

c) A lot of the items you list that another guy is 'better' at are just subjective value judgments, not matters of fact. To someone else, you might have a lot more going for you and 'that guy' may be of no interest or attraction whatsoever. Also, don't underestimate the power of confidence and just being a nice guy and putting yourself out there. I never caused mirrors to shatter, but I've certainly never been in any danger of being mistaken for a model. But I've certainly had my share of guys who seemed to think I looked just fine. And a lot of that came from just being willing to talk to people and be myself.

d) Getting back to the fitness thing (and I've probably mentioned this before): Perhaps you should look into some sort of exercise that lets you work against your best self or more readily measure your progress vs measuring against other guys. That said, it also helps to have a goal in mind. So, what kind of body would you like to have? Is it possible for someone of your physical profile to achieve that body? If yes, what do you need to do to make it happen? And proceed from there.

e) Finally, and getting back to the self-esteem thing: Realize that until you can address those issues it won't matter if you have looks to rival the top ten hottest guys on the planet - you'll still not be happy with yourself. So what you're feeling now isn't necessarily a rational response. Not saying it's not a real response. But human beings are not purely rational creatures and our feelings can sometimes drive us in a negative direction even if everyone else is telling us the opposite. I know you're trying to address them, and that's a good thing. But you should also try to get back into your sessions with a counselor as soon as you can, even if that may mean starting with someone else. Not saying you should just drop your current counselor this second, but perhaps try to find out when he will be coming back. If it's more than a couple weeks into the future or no one can provide a definite answer, then it may be time to see if you can get with a new person. Not the first choice by any means, but an option that may need to be contemplated for the sake of your continued development and health.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

Your attitude to yourself makes so much difference in how you come across to others. Confidence can make even an unattractive person popular with everyone - whereas thinking about yourself as an "ugly loser" will scare people off even if you looked great. Why would anyone want to hang out with someone who is so negative about himself?

How many people may be attracted to you really does not come down to your looks - but to the overall package, which, to a great extent, includes your personality and your confidence. Without believing you're awesome, it will be hard to convince others about this. I'm sure you have seen great-looking people who still were not too attractive due to their personality. And we all know that guy who gets all the action although he is not hot at all.

Be confident and you'll become the hottest person out there!