How do gay people manage to be happy?

I may be wrong... But I thought you had a boyfriend. If so, that is just proof that you can find someone to be with.

I'm thinking that you may have to work on accepting yourself, perhaps? True acceptance of yourself, and all your flaws and good points... That'll lead to happiness in the end. If there's something that you don't like about yourself, it may be changeable. If you don't like that you whine too much, hypothetically, you could choose to whine less.

I, er, used to complain a lot, apparently. Now, as I've held my tongue a few times when I've wanted to, it has become a habit not to complain. Voila.

It's true that LGBT+ people face challenges that straight, cisgendered people do not, but... Happiness can still be easily obtained. Much of it is a mindset shift, and the other parts are accepting yourself, nourishing your strengths, and working on improving other areas of yourself that may be a bit lacking.

 

Fella, there are plenty of Straight People out there who are unhappy & you have said it yourself, "you have seen Gay couples who were happy" I thought you & your partner were happy, reading between the lines, there is something else that you are unhappy about, you have now changed your status to Out To Everyone & your parents now know.

So there must be something else that is bothering you, saying that you want to be on your own, is to envision your life without your partner, is there a problem with your relationship?

You honestly come across as a great Guy & I don't like to see you down (*hug*)

 

Yeah, I don't think this is so much a 'gay problem' than a personal one. Your sexuality might play a part in your goal of self-acceptance, but there's probably more to it. Do you feel worthy of being happy, of being loved?

 

Why don't you think you deserve to be loved?

Todd

 

Its a difficulty that many people share, and it isn't a product of being gay. Your unhappiness may be directed at your sexuality, but that is probably due to social conditioning. Happiness and self-acceptance will one day come. I can't tell you how to just start being happy one day, its a personal journey. But you'll get through this.

 

I think straight people are are just like us in that aspect, I was the same way as you because I did not feel that I was worthy of happiness because I was gay and it took me many years to accept the fact that this is my life, and then I had a brain anerysm and when I was looking around when I was in the icu I realized that my family who I loved was there but I didnt have someone that loved me and that I loved in that way, after I recoverd I realized life was to short and started living my life, now I have a boyfriend who I love very much, we are all worthy of happiness, dont almost loose you life before you start to live your life and be happy, Take care, hope this helped.

 

I think being gay is just part of what makes you you as a person, it's just one of the cards you got handed. Since you can't change that, there's no point in complaining, you just need to learn how to live with it.

Being happy must come from YOU. Someone else can't make you happy for you.

Being happy is hard, but you are just as worthy of happiness as the next person down the street. Sometimes it is easier to be sad and unhappy, and it starts a cycle. But you can start to break down the cycle. Maybe start by hanging out with friends, get involved with a community activity and make time to make yourself feel good. Some of the counsellors i've spoken to before have told me that starting a new hobby like painting or writing or music can help. There is hope, and you can feel better even after feeling terrible about yourself. (Believe me, I know from experience).

Oddly enough, some of my favourite self-motivating things come from humour websites, so here are some links to some of my favourite articles:

5 Reasons Today Isn't Going to Suck | Cracked.com

Also the idea of happiness itself is apparently a recent thing, so here's another article that helps clarify what happiness actually is:

5 Scientific Reasons Your Idea of Happiness Is Wrong | Cracked.com

---------- Post added 9th Jun 2013 at 11:10 PM ----------

Don't know if that helped, but that's what I tell myself in general maybe it will work for you

 

To me you have to go deep into your mind and find the real problem (*hug*).Sometimes we are sure about something but then POOF the problem was something we didnt expect You have also think that being happy is something really important in our lifes so,give it a try,for yourself and only

 

I was sort of in the same boat when I was deep into depression and I had lower self-esteem. I eventually realized that the source of my own unhappiness, was that I didn't allow myself to be happy, I was preventing myself from doing certain things because I thought "It's not going to work." or "He probably dislike me!", etc.

It's still a work in progress in my case. My self-esteem is still on the low side, but it's higher than it previously was, and I'm not so much into depression anymore (except maybe on certain days, but I get over it). Basically, I started taking risks. I've been forcing myself to try certain things that I typically would not allow myself to do out of fear. For example, back in High School (5 years ago) I started distancing myself from a friend who came out as gay because I was still seriously into denial about my own sexuality, and we lost contact completely. Since coming out, I've been wanting to contact him again, but I always thought "He probably hates me.", "I don't deserve to be friend with him after what I did.", etc. I contacted him about 2 weeks ago. It didn't take long before we set up for him to come over to my house on the Saturday of that same week. We talked a lot and had fun. I'm happy that I contacted him.

By doing things that I typically would not let myself do out of fear that I wouldn't be able to do it or that people will dislike me, etc , I've gradually been increasing my self-esteem as well as my own happiness.


You deserve all the love that comes your way, stop wondering about it, just take it, and accept it. Allow yourself to love too, stop creating this wall with your boyfriend. Just go up to him and hug him, tell him you love him, kiss him, undress hi...mmmmm


Sorry, I got distracted. Suffice to say, love yourself and allow yourself to love.

Comedy is great too by the way, laughing is fun. Plenty of awesome comedians out there on Youtube that are worth checking out, and laugh your ass off.

 

I think that it doesn't depend on a relationship. It depends on whether you have a support system. And this is true of whether someone is straight or GLBTQ. For me, it's been my friends, though not numerous, who have carried me through. You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. There are some people in my family who are ok, but I've always preferred to be around my friends.

 

Took 45 years to be happy with me. Coming out & loving me just the way I am is a big part of that! People have told me they have never seen me so happy. Its not an easy journey but worth all the self-honesty & hard work! Yes I have crappy days too- thats normal in life. I work on being a healthier me overall everyday.
Hugs Rose

 

As something happened between you & your Partner ? (*hug*)

 

The only thing I have read apart from the first post was the following:

Are you serious?! Dude, I will die of jealousy. I would kill to have a boyfriend of my own. :lol: Get a grip on yourself and enjoy your relationship! Don't make such silly thoughts and your life will suddenly turn out to be awesome! (*hug*)

 

Yeah, I think you need to figure out the root of your inability to be happy with who you are. A lot of us grow up entering a pattern where we don`t develop a realistic view on our own person. It sounds to me like you`ve got a classic inferiority complex. What is it about you that makes you unworthy of caring about or loving? Where do those thoughts come from? Who made you feel that way? Talk to your therapist about this, because he/she is right. You won`t be happy, until you learn to appreciate and care about yourself. We are all unique, but none of us are perfect. Straight or gay, everybody has strengths and flaws. Some of our flaws can be improved, but if we see ourselves as one big walking flaw, then we are seriously hindering our own ability to get contentment and happiness in our lives. I can guarantee you this; you are not perfect. At the same time, I can also guarantee you this; you have more than flaws! You are more than your imperfections. You are worth more than you see yourself. There`s something about you that is good, valuable and unique. You are no more, but also no less than the rest of us!

Sometimes though, building up self-esteem and confidence is about rooting out where the bad seed came from, and the destructive thoughts that push us down. Even if you have flaws you want to improve, it would require a realistic view on yourself and insight, and if your scale is set on a default negative, then you don`t have that. So, stop putting yourself down. Talk to your therapist, combat those negative thoughts and don`t pain it black or white. If one day is bad, that makes one bad day, not all the rest of them included. If there`s something about you that you don`t like, that doesn`t make the rest of you worthless, it makes you human. Don`t paint yourself as either or, work on recognizing the things about you that are good, valuable, loveable, interesting, strengthening, etc. Once you have a list with both positives and negatives, then you`re closer to having a realistic view on yourself as a person, but discuss this with your therapist.

God knows, I am NOT perfect in any way. I can get impatient, I have a big nose, I can be petty at times. I get easily stressed, I should never get a driver`s license! There are a lot of negative things about me, but that doesn`t make me worthless. I`m also loyal, kind, fiercely passionate about things that I get engaged in, hard-working, genuine, etc. See? I can recognize my positive sides, and my negative sides, without coming to the conclusion that my negative sides somehow outweighs my positives. I deserve to be happy, and I aim to grow as a person as well. So can you, and so do you! We all do! I can promise you this, none of us here is any more worth of love than you are. Even if it`s really hard to believe, it`s actually true. You are an OK person, who`s worth loving, and hopefully with the help of your therapist you`ll be able to really feel that way one of these days. Because you are worth that!

So, chin up. Don`t push your boyfriend away, because obviously he sees something in you, even if you cannot see the same right now. Trust him. And trust your therapist.
It`s a bit of work, building up a self-esteem and confidence, but you can do it. You deserve that. So, don`t quit on yourself

*hugs*