Hello people, i am definitely in denial right now, i would give ANYTHING to be straight, to be attracted to women, and to be normal. But than in an hour, ill be out of denial and be back to myself. I used to be attracted to anything related to women, but like i said 5 bazillion times, not attracted to them in real life, only guys in life attract me. So yeah, denial. How long does this last, because i don't want to lie to myself that i am straight, and i really try masturbate to women, but nothing is there. Last year, i used to masturbate to women all the time, but everytime i saw the male, id be repulsed. Uhh even when i started puberty i thought of the male parts and pushed them away, because i thought it wasn't important. How long does denial last?
It can fade with time, but it will essentially last as long as you aren't at complete comfortability with who you are. So first, why would you give anything to be straight?
Once you come out to yourself then it will stop, note I have high lighted the word Yourself, this is because I myself came out to some friends that I was Gay, before I had actually came out to myself, this meant that after telling them, I went into denial & tried to convince myself that I was Bi, once I had sat down & went over my life with a fine tooth comb was I able to come out to myself & then the denial went away If that makes sense
It's weird though, i did come out to myself, but its in random spurts. It usually happens at night, but im actually fine with being gay, and i already accepted it, but when i tell myself im not straight, i go straight in denial. If im in public ill be fine and i find myself looking to guys, but it's when im alone when the thoughts pop up. Sometimes it'll happen for a minute when i think im straight, or an hour. It eventually goes away over time, but i hate it, it is just so spontaneous and i hate when im in spouts of denial. Yes i accepted myself already, but the thought of being straight pops up and i just don't see myself with a women at anytime in my life even whn i think im straight.
I came to realize that when I went to a crowded Shopping Mall & walked among the crowds, I would check out cute Guys & lust after them, but one ting I never did, was check out Pretty Girls, I was aware that they were there, but I never checked them out! This was one of the reasons that I knew I was Gay,this is not the behavior of a Straight Guy, analyze, everything that makes you think that you are Gay & ask yourself if this is something that a Straight Guy would do, once you can convince yourself that you are 100% Gay & nothing can change this, you should be able to move on
