Ever since I learned about male privilege I've been trying, at first maybe unconsciously, but recently more consciously, to do small things every day to compensate. Right now my focus is on bad-lit streets at night. I put myself on women's shoes (not literally, mind you) and I can understand that we unfortunately live in a culture where a woman can have many valid reasons to be afraid to walk alone at night. So this is what I do: when I'm walking at night and see that a woman is coming my way, I try my best to appear small, I lower my head, don't look at her, don't make sudden moves, and most importantly, adjust my trajectory so it will not cross hers. I feel that way I help her feel less threatened. Even though I'm naturally small and wouldn't look threatening to anyone, the fact that I'm a guy could be enough reason for fear in a dark street. Am I doing the right thing? Am I helping counter male privilege or am I being unnecessarily condescending? Many years ago, a girl I had been courting got very angry at me because of some very stupid things I had done, and made me realize that I had behaved as a borderline stalker, so since then I've been very careful and extra respectful with the way I treat women. (On the other hand, it has made it impossible for me to approach a woman without me constantly wondering whether I've crossed a line somewhere, so for all practical purposes she rendered me uncapable of approaching any woman.) This thing I do with the streets at night, is this just overcompensation? Should I just stop worrying about this? Or what should I do?
It may be a cultural thing from where I'm from, but one of the things I do is try to make eye contact with people and smile. Smiling almost always puts people at ease, and usually when this happens most people smile back. People normally find me very approachable and non-threatening as a result. The whole smiling thing was something I picked up as a kid. It was a survival tactic I learned as a way to determine who was threatening and who wasn't. If I made eye contact with someone and they responded by looking back at me and smiling, it was almost always a sign that they weren't a threat. The people who wouldn't look at me, or wouldn't respond with a smile made me uncomfortable. This is still true. If someone doesn't respond with a smile, a little alarm goes off in my head saying, "Avoid! Avoid! Avoid!" I'm not a female, obviously, but I've never found women to find me uncomfortable to be around.
I also think this could depend a bit on local culture, personally I don`t feel threatened by a man unless it`s a group of men, who also are a bit on the loud side. Or simply a group of men standing around somewhere, looking like they don`t intent to move anywhere and simply stare at me as I pass. That makes me feel uncomfortable. Any single individual I am fairly confident I can take on if the need arose. I`m not big, but I know a few self-defense moves (which I recommend that any woman learn) so I certain I can take care of myself if it comes down to it, but not if they outnumber me. So, I think if you are walking down a street and want to look non-intimidating, catching her eye and give a nod, then just stare ahead is like the least threatening behavior for most girls around where I am from. As long as you don`t stare after her or yell, I think you`re good I don`t think you should worry too much about it though, because you sound like a polite guy who wouldn`t stare or yell at a girl simply due to her passing you on the street, so I think there are limits to how threatening you could seem, unless the girl has been attacked at some point and is therefore very sensitive to male presence of any form on the street. But, it`s better to be too nice, than the opposite. Just don`t worry too much about it!
