Are hook ups genuinely a bad idea?

Well, I wouldn't recommend it, but as long as you make sure to use protection it's not particularly bad.

 

as long as you aren't going to get your heart broke or anything

 

If you're looking for 'mr. right now', then no, it's not a bad idea, but if you're looking for something serious and long-term, something special, you might be disappointed. Most people into hook ups are only in it for the sex, and nothing more, so it's not unheard of some guys to disappear completely after the deed is done.

Are you a virgin? If so, you might come to regret it. I'm not opposed to casual sex at all, but also know better than to go in with starry eyes when the other person is going to forget my name and face an hour later.

It entirely depends on your understanding of the situation and what you'd like to get out of it. Hook ups are popular for a reason.

 

It looks like you've changed your mind while I was typing but I'll post my reply anyway in case you find it helpful in the future.

It depends on what you're looking for but I would go as far as to say that hook ups are generally a bad idea. For a hook up to be successful, both individuals have to be able to separate sex and romantic relationships. I don't think that the majority of people can do this. For the few people that can successfully do this, a hook up may be a great experience. However, for the majority that can't pull it off a hook up can lead to hurt feelings really quickly. If you are planning to use hook ups to find a romantic relationship, then that is definitely not the best way to go. It can happen but it is incredibly rare.

If you are going to hook up with someone, you need to focus on communication, especially if you're thinking about beginning a friends with benefits relationship (some people prefer FWB to lower the risk of STDs). It is important to be honest with yourself and your partner about what you're looking for and what you're comfortable with before sex begins. Don't forget to use protection!

I wish you the best regardless of what you decide

 

Ok, my 2c worth,

I pretty much agree with what others have said here:

If you're just looking to get off with another guy and experience what its like to get an orgasm via some method other than your hand then a hookup (properly handled) is probably fine. They can be a lot of fun actually. And in my case led to a couple of relationships, including the one I've been in for a big chunk of my life now. But I may or may not be unusual in that.

If you're looking for the start of a romantic relationship, of dating and romance and feelings and such and those things are so important to you that you really only want to have sex with a guy after they are there - then a hookup may not be your thing.

Of course this needn't be a purely either/or situation. Some people can use hookups or FWB situations to have a lot of fun while also using other channels to try and find someone that they make a connection with romantically, at which point (presumably) the more casual encounters stop (or convert to an open relationship possibly if you and your partner are into that sort of thing).

Ultimately it comes down to you considering what you want and balancing those wants against each other. Basically do a cost-benefit analysis of each possible course of action and see what appeals to you the most - not just in the moment but after repeated consideration.

Regardless, always be sure to play safe whether you're playing with someone for an hour or in a long term relationship.

My 2c worth,

Todd

 

Put it this way - for most people they aren't going to be nearly as good as a proper relationship.
They aren't a bad idea on their own, but if you go in expecting too much then you are going to get hurt.

That being said, I don't like the concept of 'saving yourself' for the right person either. Attaching that sort of milestone importance to sex can only be a bad thing as far as I'm concerned. Why exactly do you think you'd regret not waiting for the "right guy"?

 

I don't see anything wrong with people wanting their first time to have meaning beyond physical pleasure, seeing that sex is something requiring trust, vulnerability, and compromise for many of us. What I do find ridiculous is how virginity is perceived today, as some inconvenience that so many rush to get rid of at the first chance due to stigma surrounding virgins, a move that many people later regret. We usually remember first times, and I personally am glad mine wasn't feeling used by some sleazy guy I met an hour before in the back of an old truck; I won't be inconvenienced with such a thought for the rest of my life.

That's where the inconsistency comes in: wanting love but feeling sex is the only way to find it, but at the same time not wanting to miss out on a potentially enjoyable experience, one that all men are told is of great importance. The two are separate, but usually go hand-in-hand, and not everyone is cut out to tell the difference and/or keep the two far apart for long periods.

@OP, I say go for it if 'waiting' is that much of a burden for you. At least you would have gotten one problem out of the way, and who knows, you might just meet the right guy while testing the waters.

 

I totally agree. If you are cautious, mature, don't expect much, and evaluate the situation properly, it's fine. It has worked for me. I've met people at the gym and on the beach on vacation. And, if a person has been that close to your personal space, being friends with them afterward, if you are birds of a feather, can be real easy. I've made a total of 3 friends this way. But I wanted these to remain friendships and so did they. These friendships lasted for quite a while and eventually fizzled out. That would be a long post. I've heard it's quite common that sexual hook ups turn into friendships.

And, for those who are looking at this with their eyes wide open, as in "really?" it can also be generational, individual, and more common in some parts of the world than in others.

---------- Post added 12th Jun 2013 at 09:10 AM ----------

Or, put another way, "strike while the iron is hot." I turned down come ons in college because I was a serious student and gave that image, but I think the vast majority of these come ons would have been discreet and, seeing that I like quite a ways from college, it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

 

I know some guys who never hook-up - they only have sex within a relationship.

I know some guys who only hook-up between relationships, as a way to continue having sex when they have no boyfriend.

I know some guys who hook-up while in relationships, with their partner's blessing. They simply enjoy the variety.

I know some guys who ONLY hook-up. For most of them, they're completely uninterested in relationships, or don't like the "baggage" that comes with them.

Which group is right? Ideally, all of them.

Lex