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Suicidal thoughts / Not wanting to be alive

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Gazza123, Jun 12, 2013.

  1. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    Yeah. I get them

    Not that I would ever do anything but its the fact that these types of thoughts come so easily to mind. I'm just sick of everything, sick my life, hating the way I look and worrying over every little thing that I just want it all to stop.

    I hate my life. Sure it might seem all fine and dandy but I'm not. I just feel at a dead end with no where to turn. I feel ugly all the time, alone and I'm just tired of it all. It's too much, worrying day in and day out and...

    I just wanna scream!

    I would never commit suicide or anything but I feel I need to put on this happy fake me just to get by
     
  2. Argentwing

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    Well, it may be much harder to do than to say, but... quit giving a happy fake you. If you're not happy, you have to deal with it; you can't just ignore your issues and hope they go away.

    You mentioned twice that you think you're ugly. Is that a big problem for you? Because really, the most serious issues in life have absolutely nothing to do with looks. Even the greasiest, gnarliest person can get to be a happy person with a life full of love. Not that I mean to imply you ARE that person, but that you are not the worst-case scenario so are even better off.

    What else bothers you that is emotionally wearing you out like this? It might give you a bit of control over it to give it a name here.
     
  3. AaronMed

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    I think it's important that you understand this: it's okay to not be okay! the fact that you posted this thread to talk about it is awesome and a huge step forward - putting on a mask and hiding your feelings is only going to make them compound and get worse, so I'd say tell the people you care about that you're feeling shitty - I'll bet they can help (*hug*).

    I've been there before, believe me I have. I felt like life was just this huge, insurmountable obstacle, this unclimbable mountain, and I just wanted more than anything else to curl up into a little ball and hope it all went away. For me, the catalyst to these feelings was a combination of loneliness and secrecy (I wasn't out then), and it seems like for you the root cause is purely loneliness. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong if I am, but let me tell you about my issues with my looks and how I overcame them.

    I used to find the most ridiculously small things about myself and blow them way out of proportion to the point where I always felt ugly and hated having any exposure to mirrors ever because they'd just depress me. For example, my nose is slightly crooked - bent to one side - but it's such a tiny imperfection that you'd never notice it if you didn't know to look. My other hang up was about my right eye, in which I am quite blind (can only see out of my left eye), where I noticed that my eyelid was slightly lower on that side than on the other. Again, you'd never see it unless you were scrutinizing me. And honestly, I don't know about you, but I don't really take the time to scrutinize every little thing/imperfection about a guy I'm dating! It's a deeper attraction than that. And if it isn't, you're with the wrong guy!

    I firmly believe that there's someone in this world for everyone - you just have to find him. I also believe that the chances of falling in love accidentally are extremely remote.

    Self-confidence is extremely attractive, take it from me. So I want you to do a little homework. Every night before you go to bed, look in the mirror and fine one thing that you like about yourself, and say aloud to your reflection, "I really have (a) nice _______". It might sound silly, but trust me, it helps! :slight_smile:

    After you've been doing that for a bit, I suggest downloading some gay dating apps and making profiles. Chat with lots of people. I promise you'll find someone! That's how I found the guy I'm dating now :slight_smile:.

    But most of all, understand one thing: there's hope out there to be found. I promise.
     
  4. Gazza123

    Gazza123 Guest

    All of the advice is great except the dating apps and online dating. They just seem full of guys wanting a quickie
     
  5. AaronMed

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    Thanks, I try my best :slight_smile:. (*hug*)

    Though this is often true, it's not always true - you just have to weed. I'd say about 1 in 15 guys on those apps wants a relationship, but if you persevere, you'll weed through the other 14 and find that guy :slight_smile:.
     
  6. Lexington

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    There are dating sites, and then there are hook-up sites. It's pretty easy to tell which are which. If they say things like "I'm into hiking", it's a dating site. If they say things like "I'm into oral", it's a hook-up site. :slight_smile:

    As said above, it IS okay to be not okay. I'm incredibly imperfect. I'm old, round, hairy, and uncoordinated. But I've simply accepted all this. Embraced it. That's part of the Lex package. I don't like tripping over my feet, and I do work on not doing it all the time, but I'm not upset when it happens. Because I accept that I'm not perfect, and part of my not-perfect-ness manifests itself in my klutziness.

    If I had to sum it all up quickly, I'd say this. You're stuck with you forever. You can alter yourself in modest ways, but you'll never escape you. So it's best to stop trying to. Instead, befriend yourself. You don't demand that your friends be perfect. You like their good parts, and accept/forgive their bad ones. You're cool with them being imperfect human beings...so be cool with you being one, too. Work on accepting you, liking you, loving you. Like what you like. Like liking it. If you like jazz music or old documentaries or mystery novels or rollerblading or making pancakes...go do it, damnit. Go nutzoid with your Miles Davis collection or with your new Nutella pancake recipe. Simply steps like that can take you pretty far in learning to like yourself more. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  7. Lostein

    Lostein Guest

    As odd as it may be to read, we are all our own worst critics. I have the same issue that you do with appearances. I will look in the mirror and every thing becomes a major issue to me, even if to others it's nothing. A blemish, a stray hair, ect. for me becomes a nightmare. In all reality though, your appearance only runs skin deep.

    Ultimately, it is our personalities and unique quirks that outshines everything else. I know it can be hard to think otherwise, but in the end, you are much greater than what you may think.

    Also, if you feel frustrated enough that you want to scream, then do it! Take a pillow, and just scream into it! If you keep all of that frustration inside, it will only eat away at you, and you will feel worse.

    I know that it may feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now, but that's why there are websites like this one. There are people everywhere that can offer help and support. You just have to be willing to let them. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Epiphany101

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    I've been depressed for the past week, nobody is talking to me and I can't ask for help cause then I'm just an attention seeker.
    I wish I could go into a coma and either never wake up or die in it.
     
  9. Argentwing

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    So talk to people on here who will listen. You can message me if you'd like. And to anyone who calls you an attention seeker: why would you fake being depressed to get fake help/sympathy? That logic falls through the instant it's applied.
     
  10. emz

    emz
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    I feel depressed a lot thinking about my future. The thought of coming out and potentially having my friends and family disown me goes round my head every night. I feel like I've let them down :frowning2: Just wish LGBT were accepted by the ENTIRE population.