So I get a lot of pleasure out of mentally hurting other people, the pain gives me a high, and makes me feel very powerful, its one of my favorite feelings to have someone in my grips, and crush them. I use to do this, but I've stopped, and I can control myself very well, so my question is being sadistic like this a bad thing, if I have control, and should I get help? I like me, and I don't really want to change.
No, I don't have people who are like that around me. But I very rarely do it anymore, I use to do it a lot, I would make connections with people, then find out things about them, and emotionally hurt them hard. I only do that once in a great while, when I really can't help myself.
You should get some help for this, as it can make things more difficult for you later if you hurt people and ostracize yourself when you'd rather have friends... Just my two cents opinion.
Thanks for being honest about it. It's definitely something you shouldn't be doing to others who don't enjoy it/don't want it as it's something that could possibly be quite painful to them. If there are moments where you find it comes out or you can't help yourself, I think perhaps it's best to get some help? A counselor or psychologist of some kind, if you can? There are probably individuals out there who would find some masochistic enjoyment out of it, in particular some who are into BDSM. It's just something you shouldn't do to non-consenting persons.
Through counseling, it could be managed so you won't do it to individuals who don't want it. i.e. learn how to control and manage it. Also through counseling, the counselor/psychologist will explore the reasons why you're doing it/if there's an underlying cause/when you started doing it/ when are you more likely to do it (stressful time during life?), etc. Basically, it will help you explore and understand what you're feeling, where it's coming from, and ultimately through understanding, you'd be able to better manage it.
You could learn to manage it much more effectively, and all. There may not be a total fix or cure for it, but I'm sure it would only help to see someone about this. We don't want you inflicting pain on others who would be blindsided by this, and if you did such actions in the future, it'd likely affect your relationships with others and would be interfering with your life to some extent. How great that extent would be, I don't know...
I really should see someone, but I'm scared, I don't want to sound crazy... people always assume if you have problems like this, you're some crazy killer, that needs to be locked up in a mental hospital.
I imagine it would be difficult for you considering that stand point. But the key thing here is that you used to do it a lot, but not anymore (or just rarely). And you've recognized it's something that you don't want to do and something that you need help with, and are going to take the initiative yourself to get some help. Psychologists/counselors definitely take that into account, and they're quite knowledgeable and would know how to approach it through therapy/counseling. The general public might not be like that...so perhaps it's best not to tell many people, as long you get the help? then you can see where it goes from there?
That sounds fairly sociopathic. I would refrain from doing it even once, to anybody, even if you think they deserve it. Other people shouldn't be fodder for your enjoyment. Nothing personal of course. I obviously don't know you well enough to condemn you for anything, but that doesn't sound like a trait of somebody most would want to be around. :/
Know I've never done it to people, I want to remain friends with, I've selected random people, and gotten close, just for the peer purpose of emotionally hurting them. So I maintain quite a few relationships, and treat people good. But I'm doing my best not to find people, and hurt them anymore. You might think its cruel, but you will never understand until you suffer from this problem.
I concur that what you're describing has attributes of sociopathic behavior (antisocial personality disorder), but there are many elements associated with that disorder so it would not be reasonable nor appropriate for anyone here to diagnose you with that. However... one of the reasons that the DSM (the manual of psychological/psychiatric disorders) does not allow children under 18 to be given diagnoses for disorders such as antisocial personality disorder is that there is a high success rate in resolving those conditions if the child is treated before they reach adulthood. The very fact that you're able to speak about it and recognize it as a problem is very positive, and indicates a strong possibility that it could be resolved, whether you actually have that disorder or just some symptoms that fit into that disorder. Additionally, a qualified psychologist would never make the assumption that you would be homicidal or otherwise a danger to society simply on the basis of what you're describing; while it is something that needs to be addressed, unless there are other issues you haven't described, nothing you've said indicates an immediate and realistic threat to severe harm of yourself or others, which is one of the primary criteria used to define homocidal ideation. So... in short, I would very strongly recommend you talk to your parents and/or your guidance counselor at school and get yourself into therapy. If you do so now, and go in with the intent to be completely honest and self-disclosing to your therapist, there is an excellent likelihood that the issue can be very effectively treated. Don't wait.
