I am going to a gay bar as part of a Meetup group tomorrow. I'm going with a couple of guys I know, but I am a bit nervous since it is my first time at a gay bar. I must admit I still feel like a bit of a foreigner in the gay community. Part of me thinks what have I gotten myself into, while another part is like hell ya I'm going! If any of you have some advice it would be greatly appreciated.
Think of it this way, its a bar like any other. You get the same drinks, probably broadly the same music. EXCEPT most of the guys there are gay too, so no worries about making moves on straight guys or homophobia! Im sure u will have great fun, and its good your friends will join you, make it all the easier!
Just relax and have fun. Only difference between a gay club and a straight club is at the gay club they know how to dance
If someone hits on you and you're not interested, be nice about saying 'no'. Don't freak out about the fact they have hit on you and possibly thank them for the compliment while saying 'no' (assuming you're not interested, of course). That's just good manners. If they get obnoxious about it, then you're free to reevaluate this approach of course. You don't say where you are, but depending on the size of the population center you're in, the gay community may not be that large and people tend to talk. Someone who gains a reputation of sleeping with everything that moves will get talked about. But so will someone who is a jerk about it for no reason when turning someone down. Beyond that, different bars have different 'vibes' or vary in their atmosphere with the day of the week or if an event is going on. So even if you don't care for this particular bar, don't assume that all bars are like it is or that it is always the same. Maybe check out several and/or talk to folks who've been to several with an eye toward finding one that best suits your taste (assuming that bars turn out to be something you enjoy in any case). Hope this helps, Todd
Relax and enjoy yourself. After you have a drink you'll start feeling right at home. If there are drag performers tip the ones you like. They might even flirt with you. BTW the club I used to go to had mostly techno- bands on the first floor and drag shows on the second floor.
The craziest thing is that even though I've grown up in cities, the first time I went to one was when in a much smaller tourist area which would be considered part of the Bible Belt. I just walked in and ordered something to drink. It took about 5 minutes to get over it. You just talk to people like you would anywhere else. Some people are there just to talk and be social. Others are looking to hook up. Try to be polite if the social and hook up vibe is not reciprocated in either direction. If you're in a group, this will better shield you from dealing with this. For me, the biggest issue I had was parking the car and walking over to the bar and walking back to the car, because this was in the Bible Belt, I was in a new place, and it was my first time. If it's in a big city, this is a non issue. I don't really like bars, but if an area doesn't have much else or it's cold, I might go.
My only problem ina bar would be that i really like have no intrest in alcohal. Ill assume they sell food and stuff too
Thanks everyone for the kind words. I'm in NYC, so it is 'easier,' but still very intimidating since I'm completely new at all this stuff. Well, I went last night and was actually not nervous, which was really weird. The bar was pretty laid back, so that helped. I talked a good part of the evening with a really cute guy, nothing happened, but I think I'll meet up with him again. Taking everything step by step, but I came home with a smile inside and outside. I actually went without hyperventilating and kinda enjoyed it. I really surprised myself since I only started coming out in March. (!)
They have non-alcoholic beers and soft drinks which are part of the formula to make mixed drinks which they will sell you.
So glad it worked out so well for you. Thanks for posting your question. I'm sure you're not alone in your trepidation about going to a gay bar for the first time. Hope things go well with that cute guy.
