hi does anyone have any advice on this,when my husband and i have sex its not him its usually one of the girl alters,ive often wandered if hes relly a girl trapped in a guys body, its weird ,but ive been with him since we were 16,but just finding out that he has m.p.d any advice would be greatly apprciated.
I think you ask this because when it comes to sex he always is "a girl". That could be because he is fleeing from the "responsibility of taking the lead" if he was raised that way. If the mpd is a result of sexual abuse this can also play a role. He might want "out", not really be there when it comes to sex, so he sends another. He could be transgender, but then you could talk about it when he is himself. The disorder could even be related to not accepting himself. Maybe the people that have diagnosed him can tell you more? I don´t know much about mpd. I could be totally wrong, it´s just how I look at it.
With MPD, it's pretty common to have some opposite-sex alters. From what I understand, those alters are essentially trans, but generally they also have several cissexual alters (match the body's gender). For this reason, transitioning is usually not a good idea for MPD. In your introduction post you said your husband had been sexually abused by male cousins. Maybe that's why his female alters are the ones who have sex. Victims of male-on-male sexual abuse often feel as if this might indicate that they're either gay or a girl, even though it really has nothing to do with either. In the case of MPD, since it's a dissociative disorder, belief can become reality for him. One of my biggest concerns about this is whether he's actually enjoying the experience, or if it's filled with flashbacks for him. (Incidentally, physical response doesn't automatically indicate mental enjoyment.) Some sexual abuse survivors will treat consensual sex as if it were abuse, and this could be a significant problem for their relationships - obviously it's not good to be putting up with sex thinking you can't say no when you really can. Maybe you should discuss this with him?
Ettina raises some important and valid questions. The overwhelming majority of people with DID have it because of extreme physical and/or sexual abuse as a child, combined with unusually high intelligence, so the likelihood that there's some sexual abuse history is extremely high. The usual course of treatment for people with DID is to, over time, work on assimilating the alters into a single personality. The gender of the dominant/primary personality, as far as I know, usually matches the physical gender characteristics of the host (body)... but it's entirely possible, of course, that the dominant personality could be trans. I don't think much study has been done of people who are dual diagnosis of DID and being transgender. Equally important is to try and have a conversation with the dominant alter about sex. It's entirely possible the dominant is never present when sex is happening, for the reasons Ettina states, and the alter that is present may be there because sex is difficult or scary for the primary. This raises a lot of complications that are beyond the scope of the EC community to properly address and, to be honest, would be a challenge even for a therapist with extensive experience with DID. I'm hoping your husband is in therapy with a therapist with extensive experience with DID, as that's the only way he can really get help. It might be appropriate to consult with a sexologist or sex therapist as well.
