Hi there i need some advice i think my partner may be gay, We have a fantastic relationship,we have been together for 2 Years now.my concerns are that he loves me unconditional y just not in the bedroom 1-2 times a fortnight if that.i go to bed naked nearly every night I'm a size 12 aussie size so I'm nota big girl i get told I'm gorgeous all the time,he. just doesn't seem interested I've had partners before n I've never had this problem he likes it wen i give oral but he never wants to please me in anyway i may sound stupid but i just dnt kno,i have used my toys on him and he does enjoy it but maybe men do..... he respects me 100% and loves hugs and kisses just not in making love..I'm scared.
Your boyfriend is not gay unless he is gay. From the looks of it he is not gay. Maybe asexual, maybe even bisexual, but not gay.
You need some more reason to suggest he's gay... I'd talk to him about it. I highly doubt he's gay based solely on what you've told us. You need communication in any healthy relationship, so it shouldn't be weird to talk about your sex life with him. Best of luck!
Thanks heaps guys...its been on my mind for a long time now,i do want to ask him..i just wanted a little advice...thanks again...
Hard to tell. He might have low sex drive, but from what you're describing, it's possible he isn't attracted to you and, perhaps, isn't attracted to girls. But if he is gay, he's got a girlfriend, which tells us he clearly isn't comfortable accepting that he's gay yet, so talking to him about it might not really get you very far. I think you could have a conversation with him about it, and just tell him that you want to understand what he's feeling and why he's never very excited about sex, just be prepared for a not-completely-authentic answer. Ultimately, you may just have to wait until he's ready to be honest, or confront him, and depending on his response, decide what to do then. If he is gay, whether or not he'll admit it, then there isn't a good long-term prognosis for your relationship, so if you strongly feel that's the case, whether or not he admits it, it would probably be best to end it sooner rather than later.
Honestly, a lot of straight women are in your shoes. He sounds like he's lousy in the sack, primarily because he doesn't tend to your needs. However, that doesn't mean he's gay. It means he's a lousy lover. You used your toys on him, and he liked it? I'm assuming you're talking about a dildo - well there is no reason he wouldn't like it, even being straight. Being gay and liking anal play are not connected. In fact, there are a lot of gay men who don't enjoy anal or prefer other types of sexual activity over it. Also, all the same pleasure that a gay man would receive during anal play still exists in straight men, and there is no reason that they should not also enjoy anal play as well aside from the cultural taboo. Sexuality has more to do with romantic attraction. Hell, even if you found out that he was into looking at gay porn that wouldn't be proof - only circumstantial evidence. There are lesbians who enjoy watching gay porn, even though they have no romantic or sexual attraction toward men. Likewise, there are gay men who enjoy looking at straight porn even though they have no romantic or sexual attraction toward women. The world is diverse and complicated like that. Honestly, if you want advice you need to speak up. You need to be vocal about your needs in the bedroom, and tell him how much the lack of sex is bothering you, as well as his unwillingness to tend to your needs. If he *IS* gay, and if he *IS* avoiding having sex with you, pushing this issue will start to make that apparent. He'll start to look for ways and excuses to dodge having sex and being intimate. However, it's more likely that he's just a lousy lover, and that's only going to get better if you speak up.
I stand by the fact that there's almost 0 evidence to suggest he's gay... I get your concern but you really need to talk about it with him and not because you think he's gay, but because you want to know why he doesn't want to have sex with you. They're two different things and I assure you, the latter would be more appropriate to start a conversation off with.
The lack of sex is concerning, but this could be caused by a number of issues. Do you ever catch him checking out other women? Men? Maybe ask him what you can do to encourage sex? Everyone's sex drive is different. It seems like you'll probably have to talk to him about it some.
