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Dating, Partying and... everything in between?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ASAP Deakey, Jun 15, 2013.

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  1. ASAP Deakey

    ASAP Deakey
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    Out to everyone
    Hey. So, it's been a couple months and I'm slowly but surely getting there in terms of being comfortable with myself. I have two lesbian friends at uni that I hang out with every so often, which is really good for me in terms of just bouncing off thoughts and feelings about being different to straight people etc.

    I'm gonna be real with you. I'm going through a pretty huge dry spell. It's annoying, cos I'm coming out to people, but when they want to know more about how I discovered my sexuality I don't really know what to tell them - I fell in love with my best friend a couple years ago, but I've never actually even kissed a girl.

    I always crush on straight girls, I've joined the 'Gay' society at my uni, but I don't really hang out with the people there besides my two friends mentioned earlier, and all the girls I see at the society I don't really like like that. So what ends up happening is that I meet girls through friends, and crush on them, and they're almost always 100% straight, or rather I'm too scared to ask them (or we end up not even being friends like that, obviously).

    My hang-up is that apparently, you don't have to go out of your way to find other gay people? Like, two of my bi friends often hook up with girls in straight clubs, that they don't know or only just met or whatever. Me, I just don't see how that could happen. I always end up getting attention from guys at clubs, even though I'd say I'm pretty tomboyish by nature. The girls I like at straight clubs never really see me like that. How do my friends do it?

    Now I know I should just work on staying confident and naturally meeting new people, but I am just simply curious. Does anyone else have experience on this, that they can shed some light on?

    Thanks in advance :slight_smile:
     
    #1 ASAP Deakey, Jun 15, 2013
  2. afterthefact

    afterthefact
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    That is kind of interesting to see a similar (contextually, not situationally) post pop-up. And by saying that I do not mean to make it less of an issue, on the contrary, I believe it is something that many of us have in common.

    So, first of all, congratulations on coming out to new people and joining the group/society. It is good that you made friends, even if it is just two (from my experience I made only 1 friend - an awesome gay guy). It's the experience of being a part of something that you can belong to, and you might not have a connection with every member, but at least you know that you are not alone. And who knows, maybe you will slowly develop friendships with other/new people next semester. As our last GSA president said: "I hate to equate it to the dating service, but you just never know." And it's not about meeting someone you like in "that way" but about the experience of togetherness as a group (not necessarily on individual level).

    Straight girl crushes is something that my friend always talks about and can't get rid of, and most of us (at some point in our live) have had those. Basically, what I am trying to say is - it is totally normal. On the other hand, meeting new people and just being yourself around them is probably the best thing you can do. One reason is, if someone doesn't like you the way you are, then they are not worth your time. But confidence is good to nurture, not even for these occasions, but for you to feel good about yourself in general. So let your confidence grow for your own self esteem.

    And the whole straight guy at a club situation - that's just straight guys at bars (not to exaggerate this as not all males are seeking one thing). And since you said you are more on androgynous side, well, that's just even better - something new something different. Work on your confidence and it won't bother you anymore.

    And I am saying all this because... well, we've been there. You will survive, I promise. Good luck.
     
    #2 afterthefact, Jun 15, 2013
  3. ASAP Deakey

    ASAP Deakey
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thanks. Yeah, you're right everybody does go through straight girl crushes.

    What I really wanted to know from my post is if any lesbians have actually managed to get with straight girls, or just any girls, in a straight night club. Does that actually happen? A lot of my friends say they have, but I just don't get how that happens!
     
    #3 ASAP Deakey, Jun 16, 2013
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