Lately I've come more to terms with my sexuality. I still haven't told anyone straight up, but I've hinted at it with my closest friends. I know I am bisexual, but since my last crush on a girl last summer (my best friend. I got over it. We're still inseparable but thankfully the feelings aren't there anymore. She is definitely straight!) I haven't really had a crush on any girls, only boys. I had a boyfriend my first semester of college, who I actually think might be gay but he doesn't know it yet - or is denying it (he came into class on a Wednesday with a pink shirt and said "On Wednesdays, we wear pink!" it was hilarious but a little different for a straight man to say...) but I also noticed that I didn't like him as much as I thought I did after we started dating, and he seemed to like me way more than I liked him, so I broke up with him. I have had crushes on a couple of guys (mostly in fraternities...I'm a sorority woman, I can't help it!) but the only girl I've been interested in is Jennifer Lawrence...but I mean come on. The girl is freaking beautiful, who doesn't love her? But today I think I realized I'm crushing on my friend from this singing competition we were both in last year and this year as well. We have a lot in common (we both are singers and we're both type 1 diabetics, among other things.) and we get along great. She is absolutely beautiful and has an amazing voice...it makes me melt when she sings, it's just fantastic. She's so kind and genuine. She makes you feel like you're so special when she talks to you, and has a great sense of humor. Also, she has an AWESOME ass. Like, WOW. BUT, of course, she's straight. And there is very little hope that she's an in-the-closet bisexual. Sigh. I've noticed, every girl I'm attracted to is straight (and probably WAY out of my league). Is it because they're more feminine, and that's what attracts me to them? Because I've never been attracted to a real tomboyish girl, ever. Who knows. But then, I'm attracted to manly men. Athletic, nice abs, kind, etc. Is that weird to like girly girls but then also like manly men? I can't ever fall for the ones who may like me back, for some reason. I fall for the athletic, attractive guys, which would be perfect, but then they want a girl with bigger boobs and looks like her age (opposed to me, I'm 19 and look 15. It doesn't help that I have tiny boobs. Ugh!) Then it's even worse when I fall for girls because it's NEVER another girl who likes girls. Always the feminine, straight girls. What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I fall for someone who has a chance of liking me back?! UGH. Sorry for the rant. I just had to get that off of my chest.
This rant is completely called for. I am in pretty much the same situation. I love straight girls, it's a problem. And I like manly guys and girly girls. And oh dear if she has a great ass it's over for me. That's a deal-breaker, hah. But have you met many gay girls? Do you know many? I joined the Pride (basically gay) society at my university, and met some more lesbians there, which made me realise that I'm not juuust attracted to straight girls, but I am attracted to feminine girls, who usually look straight. The problem is, I think, when you're freshly out like me or, maybe only recently realised like yourself, it's hard to know other gays because you haven't really "been around the block". So yeah, if you're into girls, and 99% of the girls you hang around are straight, then you'll probably end up falling for one of them sooner or later. It's super frustrating though. Me, I'm just working on how many lesbians I know. They're out there, you just need to come out to people more and you'll see em.
I hang around straight girls a lot obviously haha, and usually I don't fall for them because most of them I think of them like sisters...but my diabetic friend is another story. I always thought she was beautiful, but I just realized that I'm pretty infatuated with her. And, oh, dat ass. Fantastic. I wanted to join a pride club at college but because I'm not out to really anyone yet, I'm afraid to. And I'm in film and music at school, so most of the gay people I meet are gay guys...I love my gay friends to death, I really do, but they are clueless when it comes to helping me with this problem. :icon_lol:
Sorry about the double post, but it's getting worse. I seriously can't stop thinking about her but every time I think I could tell her, I instantly remember she's straight and I'm hopeless. :icon_sad:
I couldn't really add any more except... ...are you out to her? If not, come out to her. She might find her feelings towards you change, in a good way. Or there might be no change, seeing as she's straight :S you gotta consider all outcomes I guess. ...if you're really brave you could just tell her you like her. But again maybe you should make sure she knows you're gay first, just to test the grounds. Also this might not end well as, as you've said, the girl is straight. ...if nothing else, I'm afraid you'll just have to do more networking and find more gays. There are lesbians out there that you would've never known were gay, so don't think that just because you have a habit of liking straight girls that it'd be impossible for you to like a lesbian again. Everyone goes through this phase, seeing as being gay you're obviously going to like girls, straight or not. *shrug* You'll be okay.
