1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I did something reaally dumb tonight (loong) :(

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by StefaniW, Jun 17, 2013.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. StefaniW

    StefaniW Guest

    I am in and out of tears right now because of something really stupid I did that I thought would help boost my confidence but has just really hurt me.

    I created a profile on a dating website using a couple of the photos in my album. As soon as I posted it I was bombarded with messages from guys who were all really sweet and saying some super nice things that made me feel good about myself (I need that WAY too much, lately, and it is starting to piss me off).

    This one guy in particular who was sooo hot started really chatting me up. He was like "you are gorgeous, you are way too pretty to be single, etc." and then he gave me his number. I was on the fence but having fun, so I texted him

    Well that went on for over 2 hours. He started out sending me some verification pics and asked for some from me, which I sent. And then he said how beautiful he thought I was and we talked all night long. At one point he asked for a boob shot. I am sooo embarrassed to say, I sent him a partial (no face, no nips, just lifted up my shirt and covered the nipples with my arm) cuz I *do* actually have enough at this point to be called teeeeny, tiny boobs. He was like "they are so perky and beautiful" and went on to say some gross stuff, which I won't share but did not at ALL discourage (in fact, sent some of my own, I am now ashamed to say).

    Weell, we learned a lot about each other and then we went to close. He lives about an hour and a half away and said one day in the future he wants to meet, and he can't wait until that day comes, and then he was like "goodnight my gorgeous Italian princess" and I was very taken aback by such a sweet romantic thing to say. He said he would call me tomorrow.

    He has ZERO clue I am trans (I don't think) and I am 99% sure it would be a deal breaker. But now the problem is I feel guilty for leading him on, and also really hate that I all of a sudden can't stop thinking about him :frowning2: we just connected so well, and he liked me for what he saw, and it was just nice, and it was like we were in sync, somehow. And did I mention he is amazingly handsome? Like tall, dark, handsome, sooo much so.

    What should I do? Should I tell him I am trans on the off chance he might be open minded? Or do I just say I was drunk last night and didn't know what I was doing and end it there?

    This just hurts so much cuz I really want to pursue this, but don't feel as though I am nearly in the place for a relationship, and very much doubt he would want me if he knew I was trans.

    I'm going to bed now, cuz it's late and I feel dumb. Today was just one of those days it felt like I was fucking up everytime I turned around....I feel so volatile lately, like I am just flailing, sometimes...
     
    #1 StefaniW, Jun 17, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2013
  2. TimTomC

    TimTomC
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2012
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    your mind
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    You should of told him up front you were trans, for future reference. I think you should tell him, and find out, I bet he won't be so fast to reject you, as you think.
     
    #2 TimTomC, Jun 18, 2013
  3. DragonDude

    DragonDude
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2013
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orange County, California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It all depends. If you have feelings for him, i would tell him now. If you keep on holding this in, and he falls for u, you would not only hurt yourself more, but you will hurt him as well. Also, suppose you decide not to tell him, and then u guys meet up and get intimate. He finds out that you were biologically born a male, and he might attack you out of fear/anger/panic, so its also better to tell him for your own safety as well.

    Dont feel sad also, if he rejects you. You are young and pretty :slight_smile: Theres plenty of other guys out there in the world that will accept you ^^. But if i were in your shoes, i would probably put on my dating profile that you are a transgirl, so you wouldnt have to deal with this stressful secret. Also, the guys that would talk to you would know who you really are and you wouldnt have to worry about lying to them.
     
    #3 DragonDude, Jun 18, 2013
  4. StefaniW

    StefaniW Guest

    @TimTom,

    I should have. It's just hard saying that to a guy cuz sometimes they get sooo angry because they are afraid of being attracted to a transwoman.

    @DragonDude,

    Well, I wasn't planning on actually dating anyone :\ I just wanted to chat with some guys, and this turned into something a little bit more solid and real. I was just being a dumb little flirt :frowning2:

    I also hate to be upfront with my transness cuz it attracts the wrooong kind of attention. Ie, chasers. I would be unsure of who I could trust and what they would be looking for.

    I really think he will tell me I am disgusting and horrible when I tell him I am trans and it's going to hurt like hell.....I can't believe we texted for only 2 hours, and I already like him! Grrr, I feel dumb, dumb, dumb, right now.....I thought it would make me feel good to get this kind of attention from boys, but it just plain hurts, at this phase of my transition, and I should have realized it would....
     
    #4 StefaniW, Jun 18, 2013
  5. hilltophouse

    hilltophouse
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2013
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Don't feel bad about wanting or needing some positive attention. I'm not trans, but did some similar things when I was younger and not yet comfortable with myself. It's completely normal to want other people to find you attractive, especially at a time when you're feeling unsure about yourself. Everyone likes to feel attractive. This guy is probably doing this in part for the ego boost, just like you are.

    Honestly, if he tells you you are disgusting and horrible when you let him know you're trans then he's obviously not worth spending more time liking.
     
    #5 hilltophouse, Jun 18, 2013
  6. StefaniW

    StefaniW Guest

    @hilltophouse,

    Thank you for your kind words <3

    And, oh, I realize that, but it will be hard to hear as I haven't really encountered much transphobia yet. And I guess it's hard to NOT like a guy who you kinda like even if he's an asshole and a bigot (don't know that he IS, yet) :\
     
    #6 StefaniW, Jun 18, 2013
  7. Gen

    Gen
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    4,070
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Oh, don't worry about it. Its really not that bad.

    There really isn't a serious problem with making profiles to gauge things outs or gain attention, but things tend to go south really fast when you start interacting and replying to messages when you aren't actually seeking anything.

    I'll admit that I have been flustered by a appealing individual on a social networking site before. But the biggest thing to remember is that, within an extremely short period of time he was already asking for nude/exposed pictures on your body. He could use the most tantalizing of vocabulary, but at the end of the day you deserve better than that. You have to recognize that. Don't cut him off because he won't accept your orientation. Cut him off because you deserve better to begin with.

    Now, personally, I would just like to make it clear that I see beauty in so many people, so I hope no one takes this the wrong way. The fact is that those who are considered as the more attractive and "beautiful" people are going to get a ton of more messages on these types of sites. I can already tell you would be the type to get a ton of attention. They are not going to want you for your intelligence, kindness, or love, they are going to want you for your body. Studies have even shown that the average person is less likely to pursue a relationship with an individual they believe to be more attractive than average because of fears of rejection and such.

    So I would just recommend that you be very careful, because its too easy to let your insecurities and an attractive guy convince you to allow yourself to be used.
     
    #7 Gen, Jun 18, 2013
  8. StefaniW

    StefaniW Guest

    I know everything you say is true, and thank you. I am really starting to hate the patterns I am slipping into and I was very afraid this would happen. I know myself and I am very insecure and I like attention especially from guys and I think I need to learn not to give up myself just to get it. I guess I do have a problem with thinking I owe other people something that I don't, and I know I am wrong to think that way, but it's hard in the heat of the moment to go against my nature.

    I do feel better and things look much better in the clear light of day. But I need to work on some of the this and try to nip it in the bud....
     
    #8 StefaniW, Jun 18, 2013
  9. Amerigo

    Amerigo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2013
    Messages:
    860
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    between land and sea
    he sounds like a jerk to begin with tbh - i mean, he asked you for a boob shot, that's no way to treat a lady. you deserve better, quite frankly :slight_smile:

    perhaps you should get to know him better (if not already) via text, or in person, there's no need to move fast (looks like he's eager to move fast if you know what i mean...). make a mention that you are trans, after all, it's a part of who you are, you as a person. if he's that into you (the person) rather than the boobs or italianess then he'll remain unaffected by the fact that you are trans, and a woman.
     
    #9 Amerigo, Jun 18, 2013
  10. Gen

    Gen
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    4,070
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Its fine, I know exactly what your saying. When I was at the height of my perfectionism, it was also the time that I started to get much more attention from others and it essentially caused me to grow a bit of an attachment to the feeling of being desired. Its easy to fall into.

    Anyway good luck with it all. (*hug*)
     
    #10 Gen, Jun 18, 2013
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)