Basically i'm very careful with everything. I analyze things before i act or say them.I don't want my true sexuality to be known. I think this behavior had caused me a lot of social problems when it comes to making friends or meeting new people.It affected my self-esteem. I have few friends so im not a total loner but, I build "thick walls" around people to protect my secret. I'm afraid of the world in general. I fear rejection. I think you guys know how this feels. I just wanna know did you cope with this fear. How did you make your life better. If you guys suggest i come out, i don't think i'm ready yet, i can't accept this. :icon_sad:. Just a little advice?
Hi Jay, Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Yes...fear is something that i've often experienced, or used to far more than I do now. I've also experienced the whole isolation and few friends. There seems to be this misconception that gay people have loads of friends and are always out partying, which of course isn't compulsory. I'd recommend a tedious, but important exercise. Think about what it is exactly is making you feel uncomfortable, and in which particular situations it arises. Just out of interest, why do you feel you aren't ready to come out yet?
I remember when I was closeted, I dealt with this really poorly. And remember, don't do what I did. I lied to myself, and refused to admit to myself that I was gay. I had girlfriends. Actually, I owe them all apologies for wasting their time, come to think of it. But eventually lying to myself for so long really started to take its toll on me. I really bottomed out, and pulled myself away from a bottle of pills only by admitting the truth to myself and to my friends. I understand that you're not ready to come out, but you should embrace yourself more. Love who you are. If you can, find someone you really trust and confide in them. Talking it out with someone can be a really big help, and having an outlet can help you relax overall.
Don't worry, I've been through the same. When I realised I was gay I immediately 'built up a wall' so that no one would find out and this made me very antisocial in my first few years of school. However, I grew tired of not having any friends and being scared of people judging me on how i act (it was really tough in a Catholic School) but now I've loosened up a bit and did what i wanted not caring about what anyone else though of me and this made me much more confident in myself and it lead to me having a lot of new friends that support me. For advice i can say that "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind, don't matter and those who matter don't mind" It's okay to be afraid, just take your time in embracing everything about you until you are more confident with yourself regardless of other people's judgements.
