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My mum thinks that i can only be certain fuck a woman.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by BadCanadaJoke, Jun 20, 2013.

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  1. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    My mum thinks that i can only be certain unless I f*ck a woman.

    Basically, i've recently come out to my mum(if you want my coming out story is here on EC)
    and among the many things she told me was that she is SURE/KNOWS/IS CERTAIN that the only way in her opinion that anyone gay can be sure is if he/she first dates someone of the opposite sex.

    I have repeatedly told her that and what i said was not that i might be bi,or even gay. I said that i KNOW i'm gay.

    But she still thinks that that's what everyone does. They date someone of the opposite sex first... I wasn't "lucky" enough to date a woman in high school(not most handsome snowflake out there),while i didn't know i was gay, so now that i know i'm gay i think it would be unfair to any woman i might date. I also don't want to.That's the point of being gay:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    What do you think i could say to her to get her off my case? How can I explain things without using the words "i","like","dick"? (In no particular order) :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:P
    Because she insists that i go out with this girl that MIGHT be flirting with me(But that's another story:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)
     
    #1 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 20, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2013
  2. King

    King Guest

    Go on a date with the girl, tell the girl it wasn't for you, tell your mom you know for sure that now you're gay.

    Wham bam thank you ma'am.
     
    #2 King, Jun 20, 2013
  3. Dublin Boy

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    If you know 100% that you are Gay, then what is the point of going with her girl, someone that you would have to lie to & deceive, just to prove your Mom wrong, stick to your guns, whoud your Mom date another Woman, just to prove that she is 100% Hetrosexual, I think not :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Dublin Boy, Jun 20, 2013
  4. Minx

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    I would just say: "Mom did you have to date a girl to make sure you were straight?" :3
     
    #4 Minx, Jun 20, 2013
  5. Amerigo

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    he shouldn't even have to prove himself. tell your mother, with all due respect (since she is your mother and all) to come out of the dark ages, or the closet. whatever you do, do not give into ignorance, but educate her.
     
    #5 Amerigo, Jun 20, 2013
  6. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    I've actually told her but she still thinks it's different about gay people:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    She actually told me she might have but it's wasn't accepted to be even experimenting:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    I just don't know what to say to make her change her mind! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    ---------- Post added 21st Jun 2013 at 02:08 AM ----------
    That's the thing! I don't even like that girl:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: 'Cause i don't like girls:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    That's also what i tell her, no straight person even needed to date a woman/man to know they're straight. It's the same with gay people. You just know! I can understand that she can't understand how someone can just "know" they're gay,since she's not but why is she so certain about sth she doesn't now about? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    She thinks she does,because she knows gays who have dated people of the opposite sex but that doesn't have to do with me!:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    ---------- Post added 21st Jun 2013 at 02:09 AM ----------
    How COULD I educate her? that's the thing:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Because she is knowledgeable in the subject, she just has this "opinion" that who have to "make sure" and i don't know how t get it out of her head:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #6 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 20, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2013
  7. Amerigo

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    hmmm, like someone else said, and you've done this. yourself actually, where's the logic in you dating a girl if she's never "made sure" herself (and millions of other "straight" people have not been put through this process of "making sure")? at the end of the day, she can't force you to be in a relationship because someone is a girl, you know you're right, sometimes you need to hold your head high in the face of, well, bigotry (though i'm certainly not disrespecting your mother!).
     
    #7 Amerigo, Jun 20, 2013
  8. Minx

    Minx
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    My mom kind of did the same thing a few weeks after I verbally came out. (Even though it was obvious to all of us over the years.)

    Maybe she just needs time to soak it in and accept it. This denial of acknowledgment could just be her last stage of acceptance. Idk. :3
     
    #8 Minx, Jun 20, 2013
  9. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    Thanks, I hope I can suck it up and it's just that it's weird...I know you're right but I would just really love it if there was a way I could change her mind about all this....
    No offense taken dude ^^ thnx for the reply:slight_smile:
     
    #9 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 20, 2013
  10. Hefiel

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    Since I have a certain way of dealing with people who tick me off, I'd usually respond to her (your mom) by asking her "Are you telling me to trick a girl that I'm neither physically or emotionally attracted to into entering a relationship with me? Just how stupid and downright mean do you think this is? I like men and I don't need any of that 'You need to date a girl first to know' bullshit to tell that I'm gay. Deal with it."

    This maybe out of character for you however, but I do think it's necessary to stand your ground once in a while and make certain things clear at the risk of temporarily souring the relationship.
     
    #10 Hefiel, Jun 20, 2013
  11. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    I could tell her that but what if she says the end justifies the means?
    I think she's very stubborn about it and i just don't know what to do!! Is all i can do reallyjust suck it up and pretend she's not saying all that?! Because it's really hurtful!

    ---------- Post added 21st Jun 2013 at 03:41 AM ----------

    And yes,it is out of character for me but we have the kid of relationship with my mum where i could say sth like that...
    Btw awesome,what's it called? signature?! Awesome!:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #11 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 20, 2013
  12. Gen

    Gen
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    Well, my personal advice would simply be to not do it. Tell her that you are not attracted to women and have no personal confusion or curiosity that needs to be sated.

    There are times when people will wish you were of a different orientation so deeply, that they will attempt to constantly grasp for straws. A time will come that you just have to understand that you did your job of informing them, and how much weight they put into your words is up to them. They usually stop trying to find reasons to not believe you eventually.
     
    #12 Gen, Jun 20, 2013
  13. Hefiel

    Hefiel
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    It's from this video by Willam Belli, it's pretty hilarious. I've been considering changing both my avatar and signature though, so it will probably be gone once I find something better. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    [YOUTUBE]s0kqobQRcUo[/YOUTUBE]
     
    #13 Hefiel, Jun 20, 2013
  14. Samael

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    I think your mom is in denial, and it is pretty normal. Just tell her that you are 100% sure about it and dating a woman won't make the difference. She may be angry at first but eventually she'll understand. Dating a woman would be just to please her and it may hurt you and the girl. Just be clear and keep your point. I'm sure your mom will eventually understand and respect that.

    Cheers!
     
    #14 Samael, Jun 20, 2013
  15. Chip

    Chip
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    ^^QFT^^

    THat's exactly it. Your mom didn't have to try dating a girl or having sex with a girl to know she's straight. It's no different for you. Perhaps if you try telling her that it will help.

    To be fair, though, she is probably just still stuck in the "denial" stage of the 5 stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance)... so she may just need some time.
     
    #15 Chip, Jun 21, 2013
  16. Ashen

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    I agree with everything posted in these two. You mother may just be needing some time to recover from the shock that you came out to her, and/or be trying to find ways to disprove it.

    The best strategy IMO if she doesn't drop it is the one in the original quote, I fully plan to use "did you have to fuck a girl to know you were straight?" or "so how do you know your not gay if you haven't fucked a man?" next time someone asks me how I know I'm asexual (luckily I haven't had the opportunity to use this since most people I've told have been rather accepting).
     
    #16 Ashen, Jun 21, 2013
  17. biggayguy

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    It just sounds like she desperately wants to be a grandmother. She won't let it go unless she's 100 percent sure you are gay.
     
    #17 biggayguy, Jun 21, 2013
  18. Hexagon

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    Just tell her you don't appreciate her mildly homophobic attitude, and you won't ever go on a date with a girl unless you have feelings for her.
     
    #18 Hexagon, Jun 21, 2013
  19. BadCanadaJoke

    BadCanadaJoke
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    Thank you aaaaaaaaall so much for your wonderful comments and support,i'm really glad so many people are interested in helping me deal with this!:slight_smile:)

    What most of you have said is that she's in denial and i completely agree. She wants to believe that i could still be straight,that she'll have grandchildren etc etc... I have said all the things you have told me to say and she's still insisting! Stubborn woman! She's so fucking certain she's right that yes,she must be in denial....

    Yestday i told her that what she says makes me really sad and she said that she doesn't want me to be sad and i think she'll drop it?! She said she'd drop it so i hope she will...

    She's between denial and bargaining(in the stages of grief or sth) and i think she'll get through it with time... As you've all have said,i've done all i can do. I've done my part and i just have to give her time and some space...?!

    to Ashen : I LOVE LELOUCH!!!
    Also, I think saying "did you have to date a woman etc etc etc " is the best way to go...
    Maybe if i repeat it enough she'll understand the point...?!
     
    #19 BadCanadaJoke, Jun 21, 2013
  20. Boyfriend

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    You could try a totally different appraoch and ask her why it is so bad in her eyes that you are gay. Make her think about it.
     
    #20 Boyfriend, Jun 21, 2013
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