I just had to write...feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I came out to my gf, and a few others. I'm trying to suppress my desires but it is becoming difficult. I am not going to cheat...I won't allow myself...it is just getting tougher. I think about exploring more and want to but I'm stopping myself. It is tough...
Why do you have to suppress your desires? I understand you have a gf, but shouldn't you figure out how deep these desires go so you can understand your orientation? You don't want to figure it all out after you're married with kids like me.
I problem is that I when I told my gf that I was bi (only recently accepted it) I agreed that I wouldn't explore it. I agreed because I thought I could just repress it....but it is tougher than I thought. I'm not sure i can do it much longer but I don't want to hurt her either..
I told my husband I was a lesbian. Being honest with him helped to lower my stress and it lets him know what is going on. It may hurt her to hear it, but the pain of having you cheat on her would be worse.
Does hurting someone I care about equal me figuring my orientation? Is it selfish of me then to hurt someone just so I can be more at peace (potentially)?
No it isn't selfish. I could have kept my desire to be with a woman secret and not told my husband, but it would have manifested in different ways. When you keep something that big bottled up it leaks out. For years I have known that I was into women, but I never acknowledged it. I was depressed, stressed, and it showed in everything I did. My husband and kids were affected by it. Now that I am out, I am happier. Everyone has noticed. Even those who don't know why I am happier. It feels selfish. I felt selfish, but it didn't take me long to see the wisdom in my decision to tell my husband.
Nobody has the right to deny our happiness. Not even ourselves. It is not about selfishness, to please anybody or hurt anybody. It's about being happy with who you are and what you do. I fully applaud the fact that phoenixverde have been honest with her partner, even though there was a marriage in between. It is difficult to live in a relationship based on denial and lack of acceptance. Therefore, telling your girlfriend about your sexuality is the best thing you can do, because living in denial and continue the relationship can hurt you both.
I agree with Samael...I think it is great that phoenixverde said something to her partner....I can't imagine having told my ex wife this. I don't know why I'm stuck on the selfish part. Maybe I just am subconsciously torturing myself more....maybe I think I owe it to her to suppress my desires a bit. I don't know....
You know, if you are in a committed relationship, then you are right in saying that you are not going to do anything with anyone else while in the relationship. Having said that, if you have a serious talk with her and explain that you would really like to explore interactions with someone of the opposite sex, then you are being honest with her and are right in saying that also. You could ask if you could try something, but whatever you ask or want, you have to keep an open dialogue with her, because she is your girlfriend and when you started dating her you basically said you were going to be in a committed relationship to her. If you two were ever to break up someday, there is nothing saying that you cannot explore things then. I would not break up just because you want to explore your bisexuality/pansexuality, but in the end it is your decision to do what you need to do. This is all very difficult, best of luck in figuring everything out!
