At the moment; I would do almost anything to be made heterosexual, I tried to accept my sexuality, give someone a chance had sex and stuff and now sometimes I feel awful for giving in so easily. I honestly don't see any point in anything anymore, I will never have a family, my parents will never be proud grandparents (only child) , I am destined to be on my own for ever, I don't see any future for myself anymore it sucks. I would end it myself but I couldn't destroy my parents in that way , I love and care for them far more than I do myself. I wish I could be happy, I really do. I just want to live without all this doubt crippling me. God writing this has me in tears, I wish my BF was around but he is in Canada at the moment, spoke to him and suggests I go to the gay bar to maybe feel more appreciated (We are non-exclusive in an open relationship ) and I wouldn't be alone , I wish I could get out this rut. I seem to go from happy (like when I saw Iron Man 3 with my bf before he left) to complete depressed for no reason, these thoughts aren't my own, sometimes I am all gay and proud sometimes I just want to be heterosexual. I am such a freak. I wish I could be happy all the time, I am out accepted by my family.
Hey guy, Depression hitting hard again I see. Good to see you're doing what we suggested earlier: Coming here to EC If it were within my power to step across the Atlantic in a heartbeat and give you a big bear hug and a shoulder to cry on, I'd so be over there right now (although if other ECers had that same power, I've no doubt I'd have to stand in line). I can't actually get to Dublin in a single step, but I can do the best I can: be here for you if you want to talk. I've got to take care of a couple of things around the house (working out, dinner), but will be online for a good chunk of the night. If you want to PM me or just talk here, I'm happy to listen. Lots of others on here who're up for the same, I reckon. In the meantime, a couple of things: First, you totally can have kids and your parents can totally have grandkids from you. If it's via surrogacy they'll be as much their blood as any other child you could father even if you were straight as an arrow. If it's via adoption they'll still be their grandchildren and (I wager) loved just as much. Are either of these options exactly the same as you producing children with woman you're married to? No. Are they every bit as good and valid? Absolutely yes! Second, your parents sound like loving, warm, caring compassionate and accepting people who have raised a loving, warm, caring, compassionate and accepting son. I have no doubt that when you and your partner eventually have children (by whatever method), they will be loving, warm, caring grandparents who will adore your kids. Together, you, your partner, and they will raise children with the same values of love, warmth, caring, and compassion that they instilled in you. And that: raising a generation of human beings with those sorts of positive and accepting values and ideas is just about one of the best things it's possible to do in this world. The days when sheer number of warm bodies could make the world a better place are pretty much long gone. The days where good ideas (like those your parents raised you with) can change the world are here now. And good ideas don't need a blood connection to be spread from one generation to the next. Todd P.S: Of course, along with being loving, caring, and compassionate, your parents will also exercise the right of grandparents since the beginning of time: Taking the kids for the day, spoiling them rotten, getting them hopped up on sugar and then throwing them back at their exhausted dads just before the kids go nuclear Defcon 1. Ok, hoping I can at least get a little smile or even a laugh with that that last bit. But seriously man, you can have this too, if you want. There's nothing says you can't. Take care (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
I'm sorry to hear you're having difficulties i don't know exactly what the solution to it is, but maybe understanding it will help. Do you know what the origin of your problems with your sexuality is?
