Problems with my girlfriend's best friend

I'm not going to launch into our entire back story but both my girlfriend and I are bisexual. We are both engaged to good men. Our fiances know we are bisexual and we are in love with each other. This is not an issue.

But I have a major problem with her best friend.

I'll try to keep this short.

My girlfriend has had a long-time best friend since high school--so about 11 years now as friends--whom she used to have a mad hot crush on. The other girl rejected her back then and my girlfriend assures me that she has no lingering feelings about her. (Her friend is also bisexual.) But when she's actually out with this friend, my girlfriend's attitude shifts. And I hate it. She's normally a sweet and sensitive young woman but her friend brings out this petty, bitchy individual who drinks too much and I can't stand it.

Her best friend does not like me one bit; we once had a verbal tussle on FB about two or three years back because my girlfriend and I have a project we're working on and her best friend blasted me with claims that I was an awful person and didn't care about my girlfriend. I got super pissed off, my girlfriend intervened like a bit of a wimp, and she tells me later her friend is just an overprotective mama tiger type. Considering when my girlfriend's family life went to pot and she had to stay with her best friend's family and the bestie got jealous because bestie's mom was trying to nurture my emotionally-wounded girlfriend, subsequently forcing my girlfriend to move out under threat of not being her friend anymore?--pfft, yeah. Right.

I live 2000 miles away from my girlfriend. We deal. That's fine. She has no problem with my best friend here but I've never been attracted to my best friend so whatever.

I try really hard not to get mad or petty about this. I try to be more open and accepting, taking it on the chin of this is her friend. Yet I still am so incredibly pissed off right now because she's spending the weekend with her best friend! I feel so foolish, so high school! But...it's honestly how I feel.

I don't like what her best friend stands for. I don't like the fakeness she seems to exude, or her annoying (and a little crass) habit of saying, "Yeah, I totally love this bitch," as a term of endearment to my girlfriend. My girlfriend still seems to get moon-eyed over this chick and I just...get so angry. I've brought it up with her before that I really don't feel comfortable but I wimp out because what else can I do? Try to "give her an ultimatum"--her or me? Ridiculous.

I understand the best friend and I share some similarities, and it's possible that we clash due to that. Honestly, we've barely spoken. But though she rejected my best friend years ago, she certainly gets pretty girlfriend-like protective and defensive of anyone else of the female persuasion in my girlfriend's life.

I'm generally pretty liberal-minded. Her best friend used to run around a lot, drink, smoke, do some lightweight drugs, and was a bit of a party-lush and would sleep with anyone or anything indiscriminately, and kind of put it in a subtler way to my girlfriend that while she loved her as her "favorite bitch" that she still wasn't interested in her (that lasted until I came along; now the bestie is also engaged to a bisexual man and has calmed down considerably). I'm not judging her for that. It's not my attitude and not my way. I'm more conservative in the way I behave save for a nasty swearing habit at times. But I don't appreciate someone trying to go head to head with me without at least getting the chance to know me and THEN hating me on merit of who I AM not who she THINKS I am.

...and I'm finding myself hating my girlfriend's best friend and I really, really, REALLY don't want to. I don't want that weight.

So now that my girlfriend who is tiny and can't hold her liquor well drank "a few drinks, hehe" while out and about...just drives me effing bananas. She seldom drinks otherwise. And I don't like the girl she turns into. Not exactly mean, but she doesn't seem to appreciate me much and I feel so very hurt, cast aside. She denies lingering feelings for this girl but it doesn't seem like it at all...

:bang:

I just want to know how to weather this. My stomach churns when I think of that other woman. An ugly truth, I know, but it's the truth.

Try as I might, I simply cannot like this other woman. Can't stand her. Down right hate her sometimes.

And what set me off today? Last night I sent her a text with an 'I love you' at the end and she didn't say it back, so I told her fine, whatever, I'll keep my love here then if you don't want it. She gives me 'oh I'm just tired and I've had a few drinks hehe. I love you too. You know that.'

Know that? I don't feel that right now.

Anyway, sorry for the long arse rant. I have no doubt I'm going to get heavily judged by a lot of people for this but I needed to get this all out somewhere before I crack down into heavy tears and possibly say something I really don't mean...