Sick and Lonely.....

Alright so I've been feeling really depressed lately even moreso than I usually do. I haven't even felt like posting or talking on here much. My mother, stepfather, and sister have been away for a few days so I've been all alone at home. I had an argument with my father last week so we're not talking, not that I usually talk to him anyway.

So last night I was feeling so lonely and depressed that I went on a major drinking binge. Beer, whiskey, vodka. I threw up a little bit last night, but not too much compared to how I usually end up when I binge.

However I really felt it today, one of the worst hangovers ever, all day I've been dizzy and nauseated and vomiting. A total waste of a day, I can't wait for it to be over. I just threw up so much I thought it would never end. I feel so gross now, and I still feel nauseated and am hoping there won't be any more where that came from.

I still feel really lousy physically, I'm tired and dizzy and have a pounding headache. I tried to go to sleep early, but somehow I still can't get to sleep.... but as I was hugging the toilet bowl the psychological effect of realizing how pathetic I am just hit me. I literally don't have a single person, friend or boyfriend, whatever, whom I could call just to talk to and hang out with and maybe even share a hug or two.... and not feel so lonely and isolated and miserable. My mind is racing through so many negative thoughts, I can't think clearly.

I literally could just die in that bathroom and not a soul would even know or care until my parents came home to a rotting corpse. And the way I feel right now, both physically and emotionally, dying doesn't seem like such a bad alternative....