Ok I hope I am in the right place to post, did not seem to fit anywhere else. Please forgive me if I am wrong. Here is my problem: I cannot stop thinking about my chiropractor. I know this is probably transference, I know nothing is going to come of it, and I know she is straight. Seems like I know it all but I cannot stop thinking about her. I was in so much pain and after a few sessions with her I felt like a million bucks. Great, well now what? I go twice a month (down from 3x's a week) and she is always so...nice. She is incredible to look at, gentle as can be, soft voice, always smiling. It literally drives me batty. I could find a new one but it took me years to find one that actually helped. So I know it is psychological, I know I am not experiencing what is "real", but I am still stuck thinking about the way she touches me constantly. I don't know if there is any advice, maybe someone has been through something similar? Either way it feels great to finally put it out there. I told my best friend and she just says get over it..lol. She is right, but still... Thank you for reading.
I'm just wondering what you mean when you say you think it is transference? Does she remind you someone from your past? I'm not sure that is the right term for what you mean. Anyhow, sometimes we fall for people we cannot have. It is generally unavoidable. I just recovered from a similar situation myself. The object of my affection has a partner but we spend a lot of alone time together at work. I could not get them out of my head and I couldn't tell you how many sappy poems I wrote about them (cheesy I know) but I just kind of had to deal with. Eventually I accepted the fact that they were in a relationship and it got easier. I noticed that I stopped thinking about them less. Now it's only when I'm with them that I feel those intense feelings. Mostly because we are both flirtatious in the way that we speak to people in general. I am no longer lovesick. I must ask; do you know she is 100% straight absolutely? or is this an assumption? people have become accustomed to thinking gay people act one way and straight people act another, but this is a farce, I do not advise you to go on thinking her straight unless she has stated that fact to you. Once you know for sure she is, then your friend is right. Not much else to do. If she isn't, well, you could ask her out?
Thank you for the reply. I think the correct term is erotic transference. It is when a client or patient develops romantic feelings for a therapist, doctor, or someone else who is helping them and paying them attention. I know this is what it is because I am studying psychology and this comes up in many classes. I guess I assume she is straight because I hear her talk about her boyfriend. I know that means nothing, but I'm pretty good with just sort of knowing. I think writing it out helps me truly understand if a bit more. Eventually I hope to just get her out of my mind. Thanks again!
I don't think having a crush on your therapist is always transference. It's only when those feelings come from identifying your therapist with someone else who evokes those same feelings. For example if your chiropractor reminded you of your Mom and that's why you liked her, that would be transference.
You are correct Ettina, I meant erotic transference Erotic transference is essentially when a client has strong romantic/sexual feelings for their therapist, doctor, masseuse, or anyone else who makes them feel good or better about themselves. it can feel like you are “falling in love” with them. It could be an innocent crush, but since I am studying this I guess it is in my head. Thank you for your response!
Considering she`s spending most of the time you see her, touching you, it probably adds a bit to it. I`ve heard it from somewhere that it`s very common that people get aroused when they receive a massage, so maybe the same applies here? It`s somewhat the same physical stuff, anyhow. And if she`s sweet, gentle and seem like the caring type, I can totally get that you are crushing on her. It might be part transference, part just that she`s a nice woman who is giving you physical contact, maybe you lack a bit of physical contact, and the fact that she`s giving it to you makes her seem even sweeter. Not sure if that`s transference, I would think it`s a natural response. I mean, if I found a physical therapist attractive, and she kept touching me, whether I needed something from her or not I probably would have felt like I was crushing a bit
OH OK, that makes more sense. I was thinking like the kind where they remind you of a person or a memory, more like the actual "transfer of feelings" type thing. But I guess Erotic transference if still a transfer of feelings in a sense. YOU WOULD KNOW lol, I only took psychology for my grade 12 year in high school. It wasn't that long ago and I did pretty well but I ain't no psychologist. If she talks about her boyfriend then that is a solid validation. Even if she isn't straight up straight (lol), she's still in a relationship. I mean she could be bi or closeted but there isn't much you can do about that when it's someone you are more "admiring from afar" than anything. I hope you meet a cutie who will give you sweet massages :icon_wink
