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My First Lesbian Crush... But Is She Gay?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Precious Venus, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. Precious Venus

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    Hi Guys, I’m new here.

    Hmm… where to start. I’m 33, a girl and although I’ve always been attracted to women, I’ve always dated guys because I just never really “clicked” with a chick.

    Anyway, I have recently developed what I can only call an insane, all consuming, obsessive crush on my gym instructor (from what I hear, this is very common! Damn their sexy bodies!). She is just incredible… gorgeous in every way. She's like a glowing light and the air just tastes sweeter for her being in the room. *sigh*.

    The thing is, I could have absolutely sworn to God she was gay. We get along really well (when I’m not being absurdly awkward, which is most of the time) and I’m sure I felt a spark of attraction from her. I know it doesn’t mean anything but she’s got short hair, always wears pants, flat shoes and a satchel (not a handbag), no makeup or girly stuff either. Her Facebook page has no mention of relationship status and there’s no ‘coupley’ pictures of her with a guy. I addition, she recently told me her best friend had moved overseas… who was a guy.

    The classes we do are hot-hot-hot and she always hugs me afterwards. But here’s the thing, she kisses me too, on the cheek and once on the neck (I almost fainted!). When she hugs me, she doesn’t just let go, but holds me very close and looks deep in to my eyes, smiling and keeps talking to me, right in my personal space.

    It all felt like a come-on to me and I was super-duper excited, so I asked an old friend I know works at her gym what her status was. He told me she not only in a relationship, but married… to a man!! I found another friend who knows her and it’s apparently true.

    I was so sure this girl and I are drawn to each other but not I’m just ridiculously confused. Have I completely misread the signals? I guess if she really is married, it doesn’t matter and I should just drop it, right?

    Heeeelp, I’m going lovesick crazy!
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Well you could of miss read the signals or she could be attracted to you even if she is married, not that im saying she would act on it. I guess what you have to ask yourself is how sure are you that these friends are right. I mean you could try and get to know her better by asking if she wants to grab a coffee and buying yourself more time to try and read the signals but if you are fairly confident she is in a relationship then do you really want to do that to yourself or would you rather just try and lessen your crush?
     
  3. LD579

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    Well... You're both adults. You could, in theory, just go up to her and ask if she's in a relationship or not. If she is married, I think it'd be best for everyone if you just let this attraction fizz out. It may suck, but it'd be best for everyone in the long run. To be honest, what she's done to you seems... very homoerotic. I'm sure it's confusing and mixed signals are the worst, but for now I don't think it'd be wise to do anything... as I'm sure you know.

    I would've made a Mean Girls reference, but I'm sure it's 1. obvious 2. slightly confusing out of context. Aw well =)
     
  4. Precious Venus

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    Ha ha ha, yes I did think of Mean Girls as soon as I wrote that post!

    *sigh* I don't know... I had another class with her last night and things were awkward. I don't know if I'm making them awkward though! I don't want to be all creepy, so I didn't go straight up to her and (as a result?) she didn't come over and hug me. I hope she didn't find out I was asking about her and now feels weird... that would be awful.

    That's the thing... I don't know that there's any way to surrepticiously ask her for coffee or ask if she's taken without seeming like I'm coming on to her. It's just not really how straight girls function, in my experience, and I don't want her to be weirded out by me.

    If she is married, then I obviously, definitely need to get over it. I would never cheat on someone or encourage anyone else to cheat. My friends seem pretty certain but jeez.... it is confusing.

    I guess I'm just doubly confused because this time a month ago, I never thought I'd want to have a relationship with a girl.

    Thanks for the advice guys. :slight_smile:
     
  5. silverhalo

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    No problem. Perhaps so as not to make it worse you can just for the moment assume she is off limits and be friendly to her but know that nothing else is going to happen.
    Maybe you could take your mind off it by investigating other girls that are available for a date.
     
  6. Precious Venus

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    Update! There's good news and bad news... I've been chipping away at my dream girl and it was doing my head in... she definitely seemed attracted to me but everyone said she was straight. The good news is, they were wrong and I'm not mad.tonight she was talking about her ex and it turns out she was with a girl. I knew it!

    The bad news is, now she's with a guy.

    I'm still nuts from the heartache but at least I know I wasn't imaging it all!
     
  7. Lady X

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    Just found your post. I'm in a similar situation at the moment. Very comforting to read what you've gone through. I've felt very similar emotions and can relate so much. Thank you x

    Wondering if you still think about your dream girl?

    ---------- Post added 15th Feb 2015 at 11:52 PM ----------

    P.S. I laughed out loud during some parts - I think you could definitely be an author!

    I've got a huge crush on my gym instructor, who is about 15 years older than me. She can be flirty - and i know she has kids, but not sure if she is single. I'm thinking about her heaps, but too embarrassed to tell my friends. I want to get to know her more on a personal level - like going out for a drink. How do you suggest I approach this?
     
  8. lostluvr

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    haha ! right on..is she married to him tho?? she obviously has an attraction to u as well.. :slight_smile: keep us up on it haha! :wink: i love stories like this lol